Been a hard week.....

[Trev38]

Well, it's been a tough week for me. After not talking to my ex for a month, then having her contact me, I thought she might want to get back together. Well, she was actually just making sure I was alright, just to ease her mind and not feel guilty. See my other posts. I was doing so well, doing new things, staying busy, just trying to move on in a healthy fashion. The break up was extremely difficult, but there were no hard feelings on either side. I was hurt but I didn't have any terrible feelings for her.....until now. I felt that she was just contacting me to feel better about herself, which in turn put me in somewhat of a tailspin.....losing appetite again, not sleeping well, thinking about the situation all the time. I see her family everywhere. I care alot about them and they care alot about me, and don't understand why she dumped me. I saw her sister the other day and she informed that my ex was going out drinking all the time, and partying. That hurt to hear that. The nearly two years we dated, she might have drank five times. NOw it seems that she is going buck wild. The last time we talked I told her to never call me again, and she said she wouldn't. She apologized for calling me. I have just felt like crap since I let my hopes get up and I just want to feel normal again. I just want to be happy and not think about her all the time. I want to move on from her and not look back. It was two months yesterday when we broke up. I want to find a girl that I actually like, not a girl to just replace my ex. I don't remember what it feels like to just feel normal, to get excited about stuff that used to excite me, to not cry when I think about everything that happened and how it ended so quickly. This is so hard knowing that I cannot call her if I want to move on, knowing that she could be out with another guy(even though she said she doesn't want to date anyone). It is hard for me to do the easiest tasks, like just paying bills, and washing clothes. I have to constantly stay busy, if I don't, I think about everything. I just want to be happy again, by myself or with another girl. It almost seems overwhelming sometimes, thinking about how long it can take to fully get over her. It could take many more months for me to get past her. I'm just sick of feeling like crap and feeling like I'm her backup plan.

[wishingwell]

Hi Trev,

 

Break-ups are hard and its amazing that you're able to stay busy! Keep it up! I'm trying to same thing to keep myself busy and occupy my mind. Just try to take it one day at a time.. and you'll get through it.

 

As long as you know the reasons why there was the breakup and you can accept the fact that it is over, then you can fully heal in time.

 

You brought up a good point about not remembering what it feels like to be normal. I feel the exact same way. I dont remember what I was like before my ex, I dont remember the way I acted, how I thought or what I did with my spare time, I dont even remember who I was 2 years ago. I guess that sort of makes you realize that maybe you've lost yourself along the way - and now is the time to try to regain that part of yourself back.

 

Also, dont let yourself be the backup plan! Are you really worth that little to be JUST a backup? Don't do it... dont let yourself get to that level.

 

I bet it can take months to heal, but as long as you are willing to accept it, its fine. It's been 2 months since my breakup and I still have a hard time doing daily tasks too, so we're all in this together.

[heloladies21]

I remember your post, you should still be mad. And don't believe that line about "not wanting a relationship right now". Just another excuse conjured up for why she's not interested in you anymore. She's out there living it up trying to meet other guys. She's just not interested in you anymore and that's all you need to know anyways.

 

As for the pain and wanting to find another girl in your life, some of it's time, but some of it's under your control too. You're a guy and you can hit on any chick at any time. You don't think if you hit on girl after girl, you would eventually find someone who's even better than your ex and who might actually care? There are millions of single girls in this world waiting for a slick cat like you to enter their life. Go find the perfect one for you, and your ex will become a distant memory.

 

Your emotions aren't normal, they're better than normal. You're completely honest with yourself and that's way ahead of most people. Getting over her will take a lot less time as a result. You'll be ok, Trust me.

[PlayBrat]

Hi Trev...

 

I KNOW how you feel being back at square 1..I have been there quite a few times myself. I am there now. I can tell you I have "started" NC at LEAST 6 times..and I always get weak...lol. I am resigned to finally do it for REAL and stick to it. Believe me, if there was a "cure all" to break up pains there would be one rich mofo out there lol. I agree , it was selfish of your ex to contact you when she did...but her intentions were most likely

innocent. I am sure she felt a lot of guilt about breaking up with you, and yes her calling you was most likely to alleviate some of that.

So what is she is out partying all the time? That does not mean she is happy with it. Some people have to drink to forget things... like you... to fill a void.

I won't go into the usual "spiel"...find a hobby, take a class...yada yada..you already know that. Keep posting on here. Give others advice. It really does help to help others. For me...I try not to ask for advice on my situation because it seems to just keep mme stuck...so I prefer to turn my attention to helping others...and in the process I take a little advice from everyone and apply it to my situation. It really DOES help.

Keep your chin up...and keep us posted

[sidehop]

I'm sorry to hear Trev and I hope this girl one day realizes what she have let go. It will likely to haunt her for a long time. But for you, even if it may take time, you are doing what's best for you to start a new life without her & it convinces some of us who are going through the same thing or have been there. So good job for trying your best and next time she calls, just hang up by telling her you're busy! Don't give her the time to even make herself feel better, it's not fair to you at all.

 

Sometimes it's good to sit down and if it hurts, let your emotions go...I always say let it out in form of anger, whether it'd be listening to music, working out and use it to your benefit. Use it so you know what to expect, what to avoid and seek the one you want.

 

Hang in there buddy. Good things will come to you real soon!

[newts]

It's horrible when an ex say's they are going to not call you anymore and they do. The best thing you can take out of this tailspin that you are in is you no there is no hope of getting back together. So if she does call you again out of her own selfishness you know it's out of selfishness not the hope of rekindling.

 

It's a long road an you know you will get back to were and even happy than when she called you. Good luck.

[Trev38]

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement. One day I will be happy. I know I will. People go through stuff like this everyday, and they make it through so I know I can too. It just sucks, knowing that right now I am going through the most difficult time of my life. I am living it right now as I speak. I have been through some tough times before, bad family problems, first broken heart four years ago, and other things, but this has hit me harder than anything else. I want to improve and come out of this a better person, but it is so hard sometimes. It is hard to get motivated for work. It is tough when a random memory pops in my head and it nearly brings me to my knees. It really hurts, for some reason, when I think about being intimate with her in the past. I will not call her. I know that will just bring me more pain. I learned that from my first heart break. Sometimes I just feel exhausted because I can't just sit at my house anymore, and watch tv, or lay down. If I am there I start thinking, so I will get up and find something to do. I have stayed in the gym the past month. I will go at least five days a week. I have always worked out and stayed in shape, but now I feel like it is some kind of release. It hurts though because we started talking at the gym I go to, so it always brings up memories. I so desperately want to be happy, but I know life has it's ups and downs.

[rionmccloud]

It's amazing what we as humans can do. You're much stronger than you think. We all are. You're not alone either. I'm right there with you, and so are many people on this site.

[RegretfulStudent]

Trev,

I think I remember your story that was posted awhile back, something about she was going to nursing school and just felt she would be too busy. I remember because I am in a similar situation.. we're both busy with grad school/she wanted to break up/she doesn't want a boyfriend for a long time. Trust me about this- when they break up with you and then say they are not interested in dating anyone they are lying. They're basically just building up their self-esteem by saying not only did they break up with you, but they would turn down other guys if they came around. Mine is already seeing someone else and it makes me feel low. I wonder if your former girlfriend is just going out all the time and then calling you when she needs a boost? Don't let her treat you like that. If she is calling you from time to time, realize how much of an upper-hand you have. You have all the control in this part of your relationship.