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RegretfulStudent

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  1. RegretfulStudent
    Well, she met the new BF a few days before we broke up. Then started dating him soon after. So normally I would not think it is right but I don't think I owe this guy any courtesy. I have moved on a good bit, just feeling down. I just want her to know I'm thinking about her.. and I guess I hope she's thinking of me.
  2. RegretfulStudent
    We were friends for years and dated for 8 months. We broke up 4 months ago exactly. Ironically, tomorrow would have been our anniversary. She started dating someone else (who lives 3.5 hours away) about a month after we broke up. She's over me yet I think about her everyday. The pain is gone for the most part, but she is on my mind. Maybe I'm just lonely. I'm glad that when we broke up I had the foresight to tell her everything I had planned for our anniversary (dinner cruise, ring, etc) because if I hadn't that would be eating away at me. I still want to email or text her something heartfelt. Reasons not to: -She has never made any attempt to contact me after the breakup or even approach me when on campus -She's with someone else -To save some face -She won't receive it well But the devil's advocate in me says just do it, there's nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel. I guess I'm just depressed and wish we had stayed together, because tomorrow night would have been amazing. I wonder if she even knows the significance of tomorrow.
  3. RegretfulStudent
    After drinking liquor all day, I went downtown with a few friends. Right when we entered the porch area of the bar I saw a table with a few of my ex girlfriend's friends and then saw the her and her new boyfriend a few minutes later. That kind of made me mad, since that is a bar she and I used to frequent alot and she didn't even know about it until I took her there. I didn't say anything and just went inside with my friends. I stayed inside by the bar and some of her friends would stop and talk when they came in. They were being really friendly when they approached me, which was weird because I thought they disliked me. I don't know her new boyfriend, but I know they met when she went out with friends for his birthday (while we were dating). I've been daydreaming about the chance to walk up to them at a bar and tell him happy birthday.. maybe even throw in a 'I hope you enjoy the present I sent' or something. I guess that's the smartass in me. So I finally had my chance and for some reason I decided against it. Instead I just stayed inside and talked with a girl friend (who is gorgeous) the entire time we were there. I told her of the situation, so we had a little fun with it.. she played it up alot. I know it's wrong to do something with the wrong intention, but I couldn't resist. I didn't look at my exgirlfriend or anyone else. The exgirl and her boy even walked by a couple of times and I treated them like anyone else. I think the new boy even sized me up at one point.. that would have been fun if he chose to go that route. My friend even said that the ex was pacing and looked to be fuming that I was talking to her. I told her that the ex broke up with me, the ex is seeing someone else.. I'm not doing anything wrong by talking to you. As an added kicker, I noticed the friend was wearing a pair of expensive shoes that I had bought for the ex for Valentines. We made sure to make those visible. I guess she'll have to wonder if I buy them in bulk or something. Part of me regrets not going approaching them and making that smartass comment while in conversation. I know that wouldn't have been classy, but it would have been truer of my emotions than the charade we pulled. Also, it helped seeing this guy and noticing that he seems more immature than me (if that's possible). But he must seem great since they are starting a new relationship with each other while living 3.5 hours away. It also hurt knowing he was going home with her. That's still hard to think about. Anyway, I just had to vent.
  4. RegretfulStudent
    Hey guys, I'm feeling alot better too. I wish I had been more mentally prepared before confronting her about her new guy on Friday, but oh well.. I have no regrets. I've felt great all weekend and even Monday (disregard the fact that I basically partied it up for 4 straight days). Yesterday I noticed I couldn't force myself to miss her- it was like my mind was exhausted and refused. Unfortunately, I saw her on campus yesterday and then I thought alot about her the rest of the day/dreams. I probably shouldn't have watched some romance movie yesterday, but I was on the couch recovering from a hangover and there was nothing else on. When I came to campus today I passed her again. I feel fine though. I think knowing that she is in another relationship helps me get over her. It's amazing that when you don't want to see someone, they always appear. Anywho, bring on some more ladies.
  5. RegretfulStudent
    Dakota, Thanks for the advice and insight into guilt. I saw her today and still confronted her. I was being nice about it. I just said I heard about her new boy and thought it was very coincidental that he was the same guy that they all went out with a couple of days before we broke up. She said she even told her roommate that's what I would think and assured me nothing happened and that we were going to break up anyway. She said nothing even happened until a few weeks after we broke up. I told her she would have saved me alot of heartache if she had just told me she was leaving for someone else. I asked what happened to not wanting to be in a relationship for awhile. She said an opportunity presented itself and so she took it. She was kind of rude while we were talking. I told her I didn't want it to be like that and that I was happy for her. Part of me is sad when I think about her being with another guy. I can't blame her though.. I wouldn't mind being in a new relationship too. It hurts knowing she jumped into a relationship so quickly afterwards, I guess she must have built up alot of hate/resentment towards the end of us.
  6. RegretfulStudent
    Hey Trev, I'm sorry to hear this.. this situation is almost exactly what I posted about in your last thread. I am going through the same thing, except mine never called or tried to talk after the breakup. I'm sure it makes you mad and you feel betrayed. I think alot of women need a guy in their lives to support their self-esteem. I don't think any guy should ever trust the phrase "I don't want to be with anyone" or "I need some time to myself." You gotta look at the silver lining to all this though: -It should feel easier for you to move on. She's with someone else? Fine, screw her. Alot of that 'maybe I should try to win her back' feeling should be gone now. -It's a rebound anyway. And also (there is a small bad intention here, but who cares).. -She doesn't know you know. This is huge, especially since she is still calling. Don't answer. Disappear from her life. Don't even mention her to friends, only talk about the good stuff in your life. This will make her think you are over her and she will regret her decision, or atleast will second guess herself alot. Don't give her the power.
  7. RegretfulStudent
    Hey Dakota, hope you had a nice trip. That's crazy that your former girlfriend started something with a new guy just 2 days later. That makes me mad and distrust women even more. As for me, I know that this guy is the same one as before. I was saying that I wanted to confront her about this, not comfort. The main reason is because she dumping me to get with another guy is easier to swallow than her saying he isn't the one for me/he didn't treat me well/etc because I have been beating myself up for everything I did wrong in the relationship. If it was for this other guy, then it's just a matter of the grass is always greener and she can have it. I am also really curious if anything happened on that night when she went up there for his birthday while we were together. Also, if she dumped me for this guy she basically lied to all of our friends too. It goes from her being the victim that is getting out of a bad relationship to actually her tossing me away like kleenex to get with this other guy.
  8. RegretfulStudent
    Trev, I think I remember your story that was posted awhile back, something about she was going to nursing school and just felt she would be too busy. I remember because I am in a similar situation.. we're both busy with grad school/she wanted to break up/she doesn't want a boyfriend for a long time. Trust me about this- when they break up with you and then say they are not interested in dating anyone they are lying. They're basically just building up their self-esteem by saying not only did they break up with you, but they would turn down other guys if they came around. Mine is already seeing someone else and it makes me feel low. I wonder if your former girlfriend is just going out all the time and then calling you when she needs a boost? Don't let her treat you like that. If she is calling you from time to time, realize how much of an upper-hand you have. You have all the control in this part of your relationship.
  9. RegretfulStudent
    Well, I found out that she has been seeing a new guy. He is a coworker of two of her best friends. It has been 3 months, so I don't really fault her for seeing someone new. But there is some background stuff that makes it a bit uneasy.. She and I had actually broken up once before for about a week but then got back together on a Friday. We had alot of fun that night but the next day she was headed out of town to visit those best friends (they all live about 3.5 hours away). She had made plans with those friends while we were broken up and said it would look bad if she ditched them just because we got back together. Coincidentally, her friends were all going out for this guy's birthday that night. I even asked her then, is this about another guy and she assured me it was just to visit her friends. When she came back from being out of town she was real cold and broke up with me 3 days later. After waiting 30 days (minimal contact), I went to her house to try and talk to her to see if we could work something out. She said no and that we both had a really busy schedule coming up with grad school. I asked if she was seeing anyone else, she said no. She even said she didn't want to be in a relationship for a real long time. Now I've found out that she has gone up and stayed with him and that he has come down here and stayed with her. They have always been in groups of friends, not any one on one couples weekends.. but I guess the relationship is just starting. I was feeling kind of low because I definitely see this relationship working because they live 3.5 hours apart and are trying to get to know each other- so basically it just comes down to weekend booty calls. But by the same token, there won't be any stress involved that can come with another relationship. Anyway, I really want to confront her about this if I see her on campus anytime soon. Not like 'please reconsider and take me instead of him' but more just asking if it's more than a coincidence that she is seeing the guy whose birthday she went out for while we were dating. Thoughts?
  10. RegretfulStudent
    Just remember while you're at the party: Who is she going home with? That usually helped me, because I have definitely been in that situation before.
  11. RegretfulStudent
    I somehow had the foresight about the future anniversary and got that stuff off my chest when she broke up with me. The day she broke up with me I told her all the stuff I had already planned. I told her that we were going to go on a dinner cruise. I told her that we would step out onto the deck and I was going to slip a ring on her finger and then tell her 'maybe I can exchange this ring for another one in year or two.' I'm glad I told her all that, because now she'll have to deal with that in a month instead of it eating at me. Unfortunately, after that my memory will force all the 'I remember that she and I did such and such at this time last year.' I'm not sure about the honesty. I guess I just have it hardwired in my head that any issue can be resolved and will work towards that.
  12. RegretfulStudent
    Dakota, Thanks for your pep talk. That hit the spot and was moving. You are definitely right, alot of my female friends have always complimented me about my looks, my education/future, and compassion. They all knew about the extra efforts I made during my relationship and always told me how sweet I was. Heck, even my former girlfriend said that one day I will make some girl very happy and probably remember her as a b**ch. She said maybe she isn't meant to be with anyone. She always said that I had alot of confidence and that I could meet anyone, it's unfortunate that she never knew that the reason I was so confident was because I knew I could have any girl in the world, because I had her. I've been going out alot and getting numbers but that isn't really my style. I usually have to make friends with someone and get to know them before I move any further. Unfortunately, that means when the relationship is over then you lose a friend and a girlfriend. So much for NC.. I saw her twice yesterday and then another two times today (within an hour!). I spoke to her yesterday but neither of us spoke today. I was doing NC to let her miss me and also to let myself heal. It just sucks now because we keep seeing each other in passing, so I know it becomes easier and easier for her to shrug it off and be over it. Since she sees me several times a week on campus, it won't really dawn on her that I am out of her life until she leaves after this summer.
  13. RegretfulStudent
    Hawaii, I am in the exact same boat as you.. 8 month relationship over and it's been close to 3 months. The really crappy part is that they say it takes half the time you dated someone to be completely over them, unfortunately the math works out for us so that will be right around what would have been the one year anniversary. It's pretty frustrating knowing all the things I had planned for that night. Another part that hurts about the short relationship is that you figure any problems you had can be worked out, while it was just easier for her to jump ship. Another pitfall I hope you aren't falling into is worrying about whether or not she thinks/misses you. Heck, my life is fuller now then it was when I was with her. I'm playing golf twice a week, going on trips, and going out all the time. Sometimes I brainwash myself though and think that these activities feel empty without her. Just remember our hidden weapon: we're guys. We may feel depressed every now and then, but in the end she will have to live with the decision she made and it will eat at a woman much more.
  14. RegretfulStudent
    Oh, I didn't want to give the impression that I was healed. I'm actually the opposite. I saw one of my former girlfriend's friends at a pool party on Saturday and it brought me down. I felt like a loser being there without someone (and I'm sure this news got back to the girl that dumped me). I've felt down since then and have not stopped thinking about her. It makes me mad at myself because I know she doesn't think about me this much, and if she does I'm sure she always comes to the same conclusion that she is glad that she walked away. I know she will never come back, but it would mean the world to me if I knew that one day she would call and say 'hey, I was just calling to see how you're doing?'
  15. RegretfulStudent
    That's pretty coincidental.. I had the same experience. Before the summer semester started last week, I told a buddy that I didn't want to see her for the entire summer. Of course I ended up seeing her 3 times the next day. The first time we were walking past each other and said hello. She tried to make a small conversation but I kept walking. The third time was in the gym. She was finishing on a machine as I was walking in and we both kind of froze after making eye contact. I just turned around and went to the other gym. I posted about that on here because I was wondering if I was being a jerk too. I made the realization though- interacting with your exgirlfriend with the strategy/hope of getting her back is a bad approach. Do whatever you want, because who cares what she thinks. In retrospect though, know that by purposely avoiding her and showing signs of akwardness might give her the added satisfaction that she has some affect on you. A fake smile can go a long way. This site has definitely helped me alot. I felt like I belaboured the details of my breakup with my friends abit, so it helped being able to vent here. But sometimes I wonder that by coming here so often, does that just further keep our old relationships in our minds?
  16. RegretfulStudent
    I understand how it feels when they make no effort to contact your after a breakup Dakota. Because we start to remember all the good times, all the things they said to us (how much they loved us, how much we meant to them, how we meant more to them then all previous relationships combined) and then they don't ever initiate any type of contact. It feels like we were just thrown away. I'm probably the last one to give advice on this stuff, but I can't emphasize how important no contact is. I regret the attempts I made at contact those first couple of weeks. The way I figure it is, they have all the power in the relationship now (even though it doesn't exist).. but you have all the power in friendship/contact.
  17. RegretfulStudent
    Thanks for the posts, it comforts me alot knowing that she probably thinks of me. I regret alot of the rollercoaster/drama that went on during our breakup (and up to 30 days after) because then it would be easier for her to pull out a happy memory. In any of your examples, were they bad breakups? I guess this is one time to regret having such a good memory.. because I'm starting to remember random times like picking up a pint of ice cream and two spoons when she was having a bad day, cards I wrote to her, etc.
  18. RegretfulStudent
    It's been about 2.5 months since she broke off our 8 month relationship. I have broken off all contact. Unfortunately, I run into her on campus from time to time as this summer is her last semester. Anyway, the massive sunburn I got after spending too much time on the beach this weekend made me think of how chapped her nose used to get when we would kiss because of my five oclock shadow. I had a small temptation to call her and reminisce but I resisted. I always wonder if small things remind her of me though or if she ever sits and thinks about the good times we had. Do any of you ladies who have done the breaking up have any insight?
  19. RegretfulStudent
    And to perfectly finish off yesterday, I went to the gym yesterday (as I have been doing since the breakup). I went in, changed, and walked into the upstairs gym and guess who was on the machine right in front of the doorway. She was finishing on the machine and looked up right as I was walking in- we made eye contact and I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around, and went to the other gym in the building. Who knows, she probably figures I went in there to try and see her. I'm not sure if I'm handling this right. It's so hard to look like you're over it if you are not fully healed. I was so close to getting there, but after seeing her twice in one day it threw me back into thinking about her yesterday and this morning. Now I walk around campus scared that I might run into her, so that just keeps her in my mind even more. I'm looking forward for this summer to be over and for her to be gone.. I think.
  20. RegretfulStudent
    Well Hope, I hope she isn't over me then. I wish I hadn't seen her.. I really want her to experience life with me completely out of it. I want to be civil if we do cross paths, because who knows what the future may bring? I don't want to pass her and not aknowledge her somehow though, because that would show that I have some feelings about us. As one of my friends told me, it's time for my excessive amount of pride to be useful for once.
  21. RegretfulStudent
    Thanks DN.. unfortunately I think that healing/getting over someone is just forgetting the times you had together. I hope I am doing the right thing by giving up. It's ironic.. when we broke up, I tried to see her all the time and never did.. now that I don't want to see her I end up running into her.
  22. RegretfulStudent
    I dated this girl (a real close friend) for 8 months and we broke up about 2 months ago. After the breakup, she never initiated any type of contact. You can check my other posts, I did the pleading, NC, attempt to get back together, etc. I even sent her an email 3 weeks ago saying I learned alot from the relationship and hope she did too/hope her next relationship is even more fulfilling from what we learned/have a great summer- she never responded. I think she might even be seeing someone else now anyway. It was really hard for me to get over it but now I am doing much better. In fact, other girls are entering my life and I'm enjoying being single. Our summer semester starts today, and it turns out she is parking in the same lot as I am for the entire summer. Right when I saw her car, I was like 'there goes out of sight, out of mind.' About an hour later, I went to deliver some papers and I end up running into her. I didn't stop and try to have one of those 2 minute conversations. I just said hey in passing and kept walking. She said I heard you got a dog, and I just kind of nodded and kept going. I guess it's comforting to know that she still checks up on me (through common friends) or atleast my name still comes up in conversation. I probably came accross as being rude and immature by walking by, but who cares right? I don't think I owe her anything and interacting with her with the strategy of trying to get her back is a bad approach, right? As soon as I saw her, those wishes of her coming back all resurfaced. It's tough to heal knowing she is here for one last semester. How should I handle any future crossing of paths? Thanks,
  23. RegretfulStudent
    Hey, Your situation is similar to mine and I think you made the right decision. My ex-girlfriend and I started dating when we both began studying to be health professionals. So imagine the stress your girlfriend had being shared by both partners. At first, things were great but even early on during the honeymoon period the effects of very limited free time became evident. We tried to make it work for 8 months but there were alot of fights because I always wanted to hang out more, expected her to free up as much time as I was, etc. Instead of identifying this early on and taking a mature approach by saying we should take it easier if we want this to last.. we kept trying harder (mainly by my insisting). She finally had enough after 8 months and broke up with me. When she looks back on us, she thinks of me as being possessive and doesn't take the school stresses into account at all. I think you two have handled your situation very maturely and the only thing I can recommend is make sure that she has a favorable memory of you before taking this break for school. Light contact later on might not hurt either (ie maybe an encouraging note during exam time). Good luck, I am envious.
  24. RegretfulStudent
    qtedrew, I think your guy is taking a mature approach. It may seem cruel but he is trying to be fair to you and himself. I think the friendly contact every 6 weeks is a good thing, especially since he says he thinks about you two alot. I'm curious though, was everything going well when you broke up with him or were yall having problems? How did he take it when you two split (both times)? When did you realize you wanted to go back to him? I guess I'm curious for my own benefit because I don't my ex-girlfriend would ever feel that way.
  25. RegretfulStudent
    Thanks qtedrew for your insight and comments. I guess I did make it easier for her by trying to keep contact (check out my link to my earlier post). I keep thinking that if she remembers my part in our relationship as being possessive and disrespectful (which is how she described me to a friend about a week after I sent the email), then she will love this new guy no matter what just for the fact that he isn't me. I always figured the guy she would date after me would have big shoes to fill and that would make her wonder every now and then if she had made the right decision with us. I guess I'm the only one out of us that remembers her saying that our relationship was better than any other she had ever had. Of course she said that during the good times though. I have thought about dating other people. A few girls have blatantly showed interest, but all this time I figured it wouldn't be fair to them. I don't think it would be right to be going out with another girl if I was spending the whole time comparing her to my old girlfriend.
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