Verbally abusive mother

[Sarah Smith]

I have a very verbally abusive mother. She is the sweetest until she gets in “one of those moods” and she turns into a monster. It’s been this way ever since my childhood. She says the most hurtful and horrible things she can come up with. Calling me all the derogatory terms, kicking me out of the house and she even takes it as far as saying that she doesn’t want me to be her daughter.

 I am in a transitional situation in my life right now and took a job for two months, this situation requires me to stay at her house. I’ll leave as soon as I can, but I have like 2,5 months left.

This really hurts my emotional health, any advice is very helpful 

[Capricorn3]

If she's been this way since you were a child, then this is who she is and nothing now will change her.  It awful and unfortunately we can't choose our parents.  Only way not to put up with this is to move out, which you say you are doing in 2.5 months time.

When she gets verbally abusive, walk out the room, or out the house and do that every time she starts.

[ShySoul]

Someone who acts like that does so because of their own insecurities. It's not because of you and is not a reflection on who you are. They have unresolved issues themselves and don't know how to deal with themselves, so they need to lash out at someone else. As her daughter, you are the closest and easiest target. Yes, it is mean and cruel. It's also sad and pathetic if you think about it.

The best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation. Move out as soon as you can. Try to spend as little time around her as you can for the next couple of months. If she gets that way, stay calm and walk away. Don't do anything that might give her ammunition and understand that if she does say something, it is on her.

Remember, she is trapping herself in these moods and repeatedly focusing on anger and hate. You are working to build your own life and don't need to resort to such tactics. As my friend who endured a similar relationship with her mother was advised, I'd rather be you then her.

[Sarah Smith]

5 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Someone who acts like that does so because of their own insecurities. It's not because of you and is not a reflection on who you are. They have unresolved issues themselves and don't know how to deal with themselves, so they need to lash out at someone else. As her daughter, you are the closest and easiest target. Yes, it is mean and cruel. It's also sad and pathetic if you think about it.

The best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation. Move out as soon as you can. Try to spend as little time around her as you can for the next couple of months. If she gets that way, stay calm and walk away. Don't do anything that might give her ammunition and understand that if she does say something, it is on her.

Remember, she is trapping herself in these moods and repeatedly focusing on anger and hate. You are working to build your own life and don't need to resort to such tactics. As my friend who endured a similar relationship with her mother was advised, I'd rather be you then her.

Wise words, thank you

[Batya33]

This may be a time to throw money at the problem -if it is this bad two months is too long to put up with it IMO.

[Starlight925]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I agree that if you can move out now, do it.  Sleep on a friend's couch.

Two words in dealing with your mother now, and for the rest of your life:  Gray Rock.

The Gray Rock technique in dealing with a difficult person is to respond as though everything is gray, bland, has little surface or structure.

Examples:

Mom:  Why can't you be more like Susie?  Why are you so difficult?

You:  Blank stare.

Mom:  Respond to me!  Why are you such a horrible daughter?

You:  Mom, I think I'm going to order a pizza.  You like pepperoni?

Mom:  I asked you a question!  You're a horrible person!!!

You:  Should we also get a salad?  I'm going to go ahead and order one.  I'll be in my room till it gets here.

Mom:  I can't believe you.  What an awful daughter you are.

You:  Blank stare.

[TeeDee]

I too had a verbally abusive mother.  Knowing that I still lived with her for 3 years in grad school.  She offered to pay my expensive tuition if I lived at home.   Whenever I got fed up I reminded myself that this was my "student loan."  Yes I didn't I didn't owe a bank money when I graduated but there were times I felt like I mortgaged my soul & self esteem.  That was the price I paid for my degree.  

My survival techniques included getting up early & out of the house.  Staying late a school every day & finding someplace else to be like a friends on weekends to avoid her.  

If you can afford to live elsewhere, that is the best thing for your mental health.  My relationship with my mother started to improve about 2+ years after I stopped living with her  & relying on her financially