I can't visualize anything for my future

[crazyheart22]

Not sure if anyone else can relate here, but I haven't been able to visualize anything for my future or set any personal goals. I think the reason for this is that any kind of goals that I had set in the past didn't pan out how I thought.

For example: I set a goal in high school to go to my #1 choice college. I worked hard, got good grades, and was accepted to the college. I attended there for 1 semester and didn't like it. I came home at Christmas break and never went back and graduated from my local college instead.

Another example: I got my degree in education to become a teacher. Again, I worked hard, got good grades and scored a teaching job right after graduation. I taught for 1 year and hated it and changed careers.

One more example: My husband tends to let me down when it comes to "goals" around the house. He will tell me "this weekend, we will clean the garage, work outside, etc. and many times it doesn't happen, so I have just given up on house projects. We have a half-finished bathroom, our yard is a disaster, the garage is a wreck, but I just don't care anymore. I am exhausted by trying to set goals of getting things done on the "to-do" list and them just not happening. 

So it has put me in this mindset of "why set goals if they have disappointed me in the past?" I honestly just live day-to-day, with no expectations (that way, I am not let down). When trying to visualize my future, I don't picture anything for myself. I close my eyes to try and visualize what would make me happy, and it's just blank. I don't picture children, I don't think about growing old... there is just nothing there. Am I just protecting myself/my energy from future disappointment? 

With this struggle of not knowing what I want or what will make me happy, it's made me question my true purpose in life. I kind of just feel like I'm going through the motions of living, but I have nothing to live for. I'm not suicidal or having suicidal thoughts by any means, but I kind of feel like I'm just sort of waiting around until it's my time to leave this earth. 

For context, I'm almost 34 years old. 

 

[catfeeder]

Whenever I go through this, I call it a 'holding pattern'. I've learned to just lean into it and enjoy it. It gives me permission to be spontaneous. Sometimes that spurs some creativity, and when it doesn't, I just focus on what's in front of me and make some little game out of that to enjoy it.

Eventually, I may start setting tiny goals. If I don't pull them off on a given day, I try something else that might motivate me better, or I just shift them to another day. It also helps to break things down into little steps, so I can complete just one or two of those instead of taking on a whole monster.

Investing in something big, like an education or a job, only to find out you don't love it isn't exactly freakish. it's pretty common. Roughly half of college grads don't work in their area of study. Half of new grads can't find work in their field, while half of older people tend to leave it for exactly the reasons you've described.

That's not a failure if you can consider life a big, ongoing, experiment. But if you're a perfectionist, that will squelch you into stagnation, afraid to move in any direction. Have you considered hiring a professional to help you bust out of your rut?

[ShySoul]

Life is what happens when you are making other plans.

Sometimes that's what happens. You can go into something full force and expect one result. But there are so many factors at play that it doesn't turn out anything like you thought it would be. The perfect job/relationship/home/whatever doesn't turn out to be so perfect. You start to think something else wold be better for you instead. I think most people have felt that at some point.

I've also had my share of moments where it's hard to find motivation or a purpose why I'm here. It's okay. Life is a journey that takes any number of winding roads. It's okay to make a plan, throw out the plan, and make a new plan.

You don't have to solve everything all at once. Rather then a large, overarching long term goal, try short term goals. As my best friend always tells me, start small. Pick one thing at a time and do it. It can be anything. Don't see it a a long to do list, that just makes it feel larger in your head and seem like an impossible task to complete. But if the list is only one item, it becomes a lot easier to finish. Instead of cleaning out the garage, make a goal clearing out one box. Even make a goal out of something fun, like visting that museum you've been wanting to go to or see that play you've heard about. The point is to do something rather and feel good about it, rather then drag yourself through the motions and feel regret over what you didn't do.

Eventually you'll start clearing out the little things and will hopefully start feeling more encouraged to tackle larger things. When you get there, I'd just focus on what my heart is telling me. When you think about your life, what is it that has sparked the most joy in you? What is it that has made you feel the happiest? When you realize that, that's when you find your purpose. But it's okay if it takes longer to figure it out or if you have to try several things. Just try to have fun on the journey.

[ShySoul]

When I was tutoring I was taught to encourage SMART goals - goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. It helped to focus students on things that mattered to them and allowed them to see actual progress so they felt encouraged to continue and meet the goals. This was with adult students as well, so applies no matter the age. Maybe that could help? Rather then a vague goal of a life purpose or building a future, try a specifc smaller goal that is important in this moment with measurable steps you can take to get complete by a certain time?

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, crazyheart22 said:

Not sure if anyone else can relate here, but I haven't been able to visualize anything for my future or set any personal goals. I think the reason for this is that any kind of goals that I had set in the past didn't pan out how I thought.

For example: I set a goal in high school to go to my #1 choice college. I worked hard, got good grades, and was accepted to the college. I attended there for 1 semester and didn't like it. I came home at Christmas break and never went back and graduated from my local college instead.

Another example: I got my degree in education to become a teacher. Again, I worked hard, got good grades and scored a teaching job right after graduation. I taught for 1 year and hated it and changed careers.

One more example: My husband tends to let me down when it comes to "goals" around the house. He will tell me "this weekend, we will clean the garage, work outside, etc. and many times it doesn't happen, so I have just given up on house projects. We have a half-finished bathroom, our yard is a disaster, the garage is a wreck, but I just don't care anymore. I am exhausted by trying to set goals of getting things done on the "to-do" list and them just not happening. 

So it has put me in this mindset of "why set goals if they have disappointed me in the past?" I honestly just live day-to-day, with no expectations (that way, I am not let down). When trying to visualize my future, I don't picture anything for myself. I close my eyes to try and visualize what would make me happy, and it's just blank. I don't picture children, I don't think about growing old... there is just nothing there. Am I just protecting myself/my energy from future disappointment? 

With this struggle of not knowing what I want or what will make me happy, it's made me question my true purpose in life. I kind of just feel like I'm going through the motions of living, but I have nothing to live for. I'm not suicidal or having suicidal thoughts by any means, but I kind of feel like I'm just sort of waiting around until it's my time to leave this earth. 

For context, I'm almost 34 years old. 

 

I would do baby step goals and reward yourself for meeting those.  One step at a time. I am very very goal oriented and also switched to another career after being an elementary school teacher after college for a few years. I am 57.  Do you do any volunteer work? Sometimes that can inspire you to make new plans or goals.  

[TeeDee]

You achieved the goals you set for yourself.  You got into the college you thought you wanted & you got the job you thought you wanted.  You were also brave enough to change course when those didn't work out for you. 

Instead of being disappointed, give yourself credit for knowing what works & what doesn't.  I chose a career as a child & here I am 30 years later with a life full of regrets because I didn't change course.  I suppose regret is the wrong word but I have no idea what I want to do next. 

Don't worry about promises your husband makes but doesn't keep.  Those expectations you can let go of because you have no control over what he does.  If you have no expectations around him you won't be disappointed but you might be pleasantly surprised.  

For now set shorter goals for yourself.  Promise to read some book in month or try a new recipe.  As you achieve success with those short term activities, maybe longer term things will manifest themselves.