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[saku]

I don't come here often. I have...mixed feelings about being here. But here I am, making a topic. My life just feels really worthless. It's not that I don't put effort into bettering myself. I'm six years sober from alcohol, I overcame my fear of driving enough to get my license, and I have worked steadily for over five years. I would like to think these are good things. But there are things that still hurt. I'm not worth love and acceptance. And past experiences such as being bullied and rejected still are a struggle. And I'm in one way or another constantly being reminded of those pains and feelings of worthlessness. And i hate it as well as i hate myself for being so weak. 

Anyway, I'm sorry as this may not make sense. I'm just feeling really tired and hopeless. 

[Batya33]

I'm so glad you've listed your accomplishments -they're really something! I'm so sorry you are sad.  I would encourage you to call a suicide hotline or similar resource.  I hope you feel better.

[catfeeder]

6 hours ago, saku said:

...I'm sorry as this may not make sense. I'm just feeling really tired and hopeless.

You do make sense, and I hope it's some comfort to know that most of us can relate, at least to one degree or another, to what you say. It feels isolating, as though nobody else suffers the same problems, even though such feelings are universal--some people just tap into them occasionally, while others tap into them all of the time.

Even the most confident person you know can have a day or a spell of days or weeks or months where they reach into that part of themselves that can view the world through a lens that overlooks all of their accomplishments, and finds instead, exactly the proof they need to see themselves as unloved, unlovable and weak.This is why the suicide hotlines are not just for emergencies, like a 911 number, but rather they are for 'prevention'. They are often serviced by people who've been exactly where you are, and yet because they allowed someone to help them, they became able to tap different aspects of themselves and are now trained and capable of helping the next person through this.

You did the same thing to get sober, only now you're forgetting those skills because you're tapped into a deeper place and can't remember how to climb out. So why not do two things? First, contact one of the hotlines on the Internet to discuss your feelings with them. If one person isn't helpful, call the next. Learn from them how to stabilize at least just enough for the second step. That would be reaching back to your recovery community as though you're seeking their help for the first time.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you'll write more if it helps.

[TeeDee]

You have a self esteem issue & a self confidence.  There is some pain in your life that drove you to self medicate.  You over came the addiction but didn't replace it with self love. 

 

You need to work on feeling that you are valuable.  It's not easy.  I struggle with that myself some times.   An exercise I read in a self help book says to wrote down all your good qualities:  big & small.  Free think.   Are you a good friend? Do you have a signature dish you prepare?  Do you let people merge into traffic ahead of you on the road?   

When you finish your list, as your nearest &  dearest what they think your best qualities are.  Add them to your list.  

Leave the list alone for a while.  Then in about a week, pare it down to the top 10 best things about you.  Re-write that short list & tape it to your bathroom mirror & save it on your phone.  Read it everyday 

[ShySoul]

A weak person would not have faced their alcohol problem and stayed sober for so long. They would have kept turning to the bottle and drank their life away.

A weak person would not have kept working for five years. A weak person would not have overcome their fears.

You are far from weak. You are very strong.

The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Everyday can bring new hardships and struggles. Old wounds can still hurt for what feels like forever. I often feel tired and hopeless. I question if I'll be loved and understood for who I am.  Sadly, a lot of people feel that way. You're not alone in your feelings.

Focus on your positives, your accomplishments. Find the things that spark joy within you. Even in the darkest moments, there are things we can hold onto that shines light into our life. Find those lights. And try to be that light for yourself, believing that you are an awesome person, just as you are.