Unexpected break up with weird behavior from my ex now

[Looking4answers]

Hey everyone,

So let's see how short I can make this.  I started dating this girl a couple months ago.  I am normally not good at relationships and avoid long term commitments but I really started to fall for this girl.  In my opinion, I thought everything was going great.  We were together a lot, she told me how much she was falling for me and how great of a man I was and how I showed her how she should be really treated (a lot of trauma and abuse in her past with relationships).  We spent a weekend together and she wanted me to stay each night and even posted pics of each other on social media with her saying she had the most amazing weekend together.  We even made plans and booked a trip for the end of Feb.  

2 days after this, I notice her messages are getting a little more spaced and a little more distant suddenly.  I let it go as she is probably busy and we spend the next day together and have a great time and stay the night again.  Next 2 days it goes back to her being kind of cold.  Finally, when I got a very neutral good night I just asked if we are ok because she seemed a little distant.  She said let's talk tomorrow so I had to go through a very rough night of no sleep waiting for an answer.

Next morning she hits me with the how amazing of a person I am and how I made her realize how she wants to be treated and how she deserves to be treated blah blah blah but the more time we spend together the more she was thinking we don't have a long term future together.  Keep in mind this was 2 days after she mentioned having dinner with her parents with me and put up a picture of us together in her apartment.  It hurt but I said thank you for telling me, I wish you the best in life.  She immediately said that she didn't want to lose me in her life and how important I am to her.  I said it doesn't work like that and I don't do friends after having feelings for someone.  I thought maybe that would be the end of it since she apologized for this.

I had my son that weekend so I posted a few stories and posts with him and me having fun on social media.  She was the first person to view and like every single post.  Then later that night she messages and asks if I am ok (not even 24 hours after the BU).  I said yeah.  She asked if I am sure.  I said yeah.  She said I hope you have a good time with your son, I miss you being in my life.  I cautiously replied saying I miss being in your life, which she followed up with I wish we could be friends.  Now I think it bears mentioning we were not friends prior to the relationship so I asked why?  She said so she could be there for me and support me.  I said if you really care about me you would just leave me alone.  She again apologized for everything and said she would stop bothering me.

Next day, she randomly sends me a meme.  Then later on I was trying to message someone on snapchat and realized I was on her page typing so I immediately deleted the message.  A couple minutes later she messages me asking if I am good.  I said yeah.  She goes oh I saw you were typing and thought maybe you needed something and I said no I'm good sorry it was a mistake.

Next day, every single post I put up on social media she was the first to view and like (about 5 on this day).  At the same time, I noticed that a friend I met through her was right behind her in viewing and liking.  I decided it would be best to cut out a friend I met through her so I deleted him from social media.  30 minutes later I get a message from her asking why I deleted him.  I said because the only connection we had is you.  She said that doesn't make sense why delete him and not her and I told her trust me I have gone back and forth on deleting you but decided I don't want to at this point but if this bothers you I can.  She said if it hurts you then do what you need to do but I still like you and think you are a great person.

At this point I was annoyed and wanted answers so I said ok I am confused on what happened because I thought we were in a good place so I assume either someone else has your attention or I was just not good enough.  She again talked about how amazing I am but she just didn't see a future and thought it would be better to end things early instead of drag things along.  I said ok whoever you are with I hope they make you happy which she replied with I was really happy with you don't think I wasn't happy.  I said apparently not happy enough and her reply was you can be very happy with someone and still think there is no future.  I decided at this point it was time for NC.  I told her ok I wish you luck in your life, goodbye.  When I know she saw it I removed her from social media.  I felt good finally, I got closure and that was that...or so I thought.

Wake up the next morning and see that there is a friend request from her from the platform I just deleted her from.  I didn't reply and then in the afternoon I get a text message saying I'm sorry you felt like you needed to remove me from your life.  Please take care of yourself and I will see you around.  I am sticking with NC for now but am so confused.  Why would someone who sees no future and doesn't want me be so intent on not letting me move on?  Is this last text just a breadcrumb to get me to reply and there might be more attempts or did she actually accept that friendship is not on the table?

[boltnrun]

She enjoys having you as a fan. It's unfortunately somewhat common with certain people who want to receive adoration but don't care to give it in return.

You did the right thing by unfriending her. Next step is to block her number and her email and delete her from any messaging platforms. 

[ShySoul]

You have two contradictory views on how to handle a breakup and she is probably just as confused by your behavior as you are with hers. You seem to take things as black and white, either you are in a relationship or you are nothing. But in her mind (and in my mind, so I think I might get her actions), if you get along well, why not be friends? Having people who care about you, who you get along with, who you can talk to - those are all good things to have. Life can throw a lot of nonsense at us and it can be hard to find someone who we trust. She likes and trusts you, so she wants to keep you in her life. 

You said she experienced a lot of trauma and abuse. Perhaps this can explain her thinking. On one hand, she is scared too get to close, thinking you might switch and become like the ones who hurt her. Or maybe she simply isn't ready to emotionally invest herself that deeply again. Maybe part of her doesn't even feel worthy of having that love, that the abuse has beaten her down so much. So she pulls back and says there is no future. But part of her does like you. If you are also the guy who has respected her when others haven't, she doesn't want to lose that. You've given her something that she felt was missing. All of this leads to a confusing state of wanting you around but trying not to get to involved. This happened to me. The woman had been hurt before. She would talk about how safe she felt with me, gave every indication that she wanted to be with me, then suddenly pulled back and said it wouldn't work. I gave her space to work through her issues, but continued to be friends. And being her friend helped her see that she did see the possibility of more. Ultimately, her fears came between her fully committing, but she admitted it and thanked me for being there for her. What she needed from me was patience, understanding, and friendship.

Ironically, you ending things like this is proving her right. She said she didn't see a future, and you are doing your best to make sure that's true. Yes, she is probably holding on a bit to tightly. Yes, she should stop if you are that adamant about not having anything to do with her. But there could be valid reasons based on her past experiences. 

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, Looking4answers said:

Next morning she hits me with the how amazing of a person I am and how I made her realize how she wants to be treated and how she deserves to be treated blah blah blah but the more time we spend together the more she was thinking we don't have a long term future together.  Keep in mind this was 2 days after she mentioned having dinner with her parents with me and put up a picture of us together in her apartment.  It hurt but I said thank you for telling me, I wish you the best in life.  She immediately said that she didn't want to lose me in her life and how important I am to her.  I said it doesn't work like that and I don't do friends after having feelings for someone.

 

Yeah, this is ALL a little concerning! Sounds like she moved way too fast, then realized she couldn't do it.  Sounds a lot like my son's boss, who's out there with one after another, after his wifey asked for a Divorce abt 8 mos ago 😕 .  Has been hard on him and now he's rebounding all over the place - sounds a lot like what she's doing.  ( which is selfish- knowing you can't do it) . Then fps, be single for a while & get over your last relationship. 

So yeah, now you did what was best & removed her from everything. Do not keep giving in to her.  As you explained already, you can't just be 'friends' with someone you have such feelings for - and I agree!  That just keeps the thoughts etc going w/ reminders etc.

Nope, just be done and don't respond to her anymore . You owe her nothing!  Heck, it was only a couple of months.  Time to let it go & move on.