Just disappointing.

[kim42]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I thought you’d met in person before. I think you shouldn’t waste your own time - meet within a week or two and give one more chance for a true emergency. 

I understood that they know each other too, I thought it wasn't a stranger from the internet.

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, TacticalLinguine said:

Yeah. To me, energy wasted, is time wasted. Had I been more open to it, he probably would have continued texting me without anything actually happening :’)

This is why it’s so important to meet people In real life asap. As @Batya33 said, don’t wait more than 2 weeks. If it’s not possible to make it because one has a trip planned, ask them to reach out to you when they come back but do not keep texting in between. 
if a guy cancels a first meet and doesn’t reschedule it, I immediately step back and wish him well. I don’t let time wasters a chance to make me loose my precious time at this stage. But unfortunately I let them do it once we engage in a relationship 😁

[TacticalLinguine]

18 hours ago, kim42 said:

I understood that they know each other too, I thought it wasn't a stranger from the internet.

Yeah no worries, it’s in my OP that he was a big crush of mine 10 years ago in school (never talked), but met again on a dating site. So many threads on this site, stories get mixed up and re-reading every thread when someone makes an update would be a lot. 

[TacticalLinguine]

17 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

This is why it’s so important to meet people In real life asap. As @Batya33 said, don’t wait more than 2 weeks. If it’s not possible to make it because one has a trip planned, ask them to reach out to you when they come back but do not keep texting in between. 
if a guy cancels a first meet and doesn’t reschedule it, I immediately step back and wish him well. I don’t let time wasters a chance to make me loose my precious time at this stage. But unfortunately I let them do it once we engage in a relationship 😁

Yes, definitely. My own travels came in between a little bit, then his remorse pulled me back in. 

I saw he’d texted me a couple hours ago. Last we talked was what, 5 days ago? Haven’t opened the message, don’t really feel like it right now. He’s someone I’d be really interested in but I don’t feel comfortable anymore.. 

 

To re-cap: 

We met on an app. Chatted some, basic info. Suddenly he vanished mid-conversation for about a month. 

Turned back up when I was on my vacation with a lame excuse. 

Made plans. He cancelled with another lame excuse. 

And here we are :’)

 

Also sorry if the format is confusing, typing this on my phone! 

[kim42]

59 minutes ago, TacticalLinguine said:

Yeah no worries, it’s in my OP that he was a big crush of mine 10 years ago in school (never talked), but met again on a dating site. So many threads on this site, stories get mixed up and re-reading every thread when someone makes an update would be a lot. 

Thanks for clarifying. I think if he canceled last time, he should suggest rescheduling. 

[TacticalLinguine]

UPDATE

To re-cap..
25F (me) and 28M
Childhood crush from 10+ years ago. 
Never forgot about him. 
Re-connected around 4 months ago
Tried to meet, he cancelled, disappeared, re-appeared. Multiple times.
It was a mess.

Two weeks ago or so, he began reaching out again after having been gone. I was done, I rejected him quite a few times. I did it nicely because in my small city, you are bound to cross roads. I said maybe we will run into each other since summer is ahead and wished him well. He said he understood. Literally 15 minutes later, I see him from a distance at a mall. I hadn't seen the man in over 10 years. And I saw him then?! I was tipsy and with my girlfriend, I just texted him like "Talking about running into each other.. were you at 'this' mall?". He replied yes, where did I see him, I was still aloof but I guess this opened up the communication lines once more and suddenly he was reaching out a lot. 

We were texting some. He called me one night. We had a really fun 30min conversation. Banter was really great, I don't even remember what we talked about, we just went on and laughed. I was busy and travelling some, he was giving me space but kept in touch still. 

We met up. We went for drinks and spent around 1.5h there. He was cute. Seemed a bit shy at first. He's quite popular amongst literally everyone, so many recognised him, so we went to a more quiet place at his request. He said he "wanted to focus on me" or something like that. I think we had a good time? I did. I was laughing a lot. He got us drinks, suggested we do a second round, too. His last drink we finished together, it was a double. There really was no awkward moment, not for me anyway. He made me laugh a lot, he laughed, too. I think I looked good, I got compliments from strangers as I was walking to the meet-up place. He was funny, responded to my sarcasm, also was down to earth. He made comments about loyalty and honesty when he's in a relationship (I once found out a man was married on the second date, was a part of an anecdote I told him), he called our meeting a 'date' here and there, made mention of a 'second one'. 

It was a good time. We left when it got cold and we both had places to be still, when parting I gave him a kiss on the cheek and that was that. It was Saturday, now it's Monday morning, no text as of yet. He did have his birthday yesterday. In any other case I wouldn't mind texting first, but I haven't been disappearing on him, instead I've been giving him second and third chances. We also talked about that a little bit when having drinks. He said he understood and felt bad for doing it. Blamed the platform I use to communicate but I think that's a rubbish excuse. He still used the platform when not communicating with me, I had offered alternatives, and well. If a man wants to connect, he will! I have been sincere. He hasn't. 

It was a really great meeting. I enjoyed it a lot. I was not impressed, I will say. Some things that I noticed rubbed me the wrong way, he is also a completely different person from my 'childhood crush'. I would be interested in genuinely getting to know him, but I won't be bent out of shape if I don't hear from him. 
 

I had a good night. 

[kim42]

1 hour ago, TacticalLinguine said:

UPDATE

To re-cap..
25F (me) and 28M
Childhood crush from 10+ years ago. 
Never forgot about him. 
Re-connected around 4 months ago
Tried to meet, he cancelled, disappeared, re-appeared. Multiple times.
It was a mess.

Two weeks ago or so, he began reaching out again after having been gone. I was done, I rejected him quite a few times. I did it nicely because in my small city, you are bound to cross roads. I said maybe we will run into each other since summer is ahead and wished him well. He said he understood. Literally 15 minutes later, I see him from a distance at a mall. I hadn't seen the man in over 10 years. And I saw him then?! I was tipsy and with my girlfriend, I just texted him like "Talking about running into each other.. were you at 'this' mall?". He replied yes, where did I see him, I was still aloof but I guess this opened up the communication lines once more and suddenly he was reaching out a lot. 

We were texting some. He called me one night. We had a really fun 30min conversation. Banter was really great, I don't even remember what we talked about, we just went on and laughed. I was busy and travelling some, he was giving me space but kept in touch still. 

We met up. We went for drinks and spent around 1.5h there. He was cute. Seemed a bit shy at first. He's quite popular amongst literally everyone, so many recognised him, so we went to a more quiet place at his request. He said he "wanted to focus on me" or something like that. I think we had a good time? I did. I was laughing a lot. He got us drinks, suggested we do a second round, too. His last drink we finished together, it was a double. There really was no awkward moment, not for me anyway. He made me laugh a lot, he laughed, too. I think I looked good, I got compliments from strangers as I was walking to the meet-up place. He was funny, responded to my sarcasm, also was down to earth. He made comments about loyalty and honesty when he's in a relationship (I once found out a man was married on the second date, was a part of an anecdote I told him), he called our meeting a 'date' here and there, made mention of a 'second one'. 

It was a good time. We left when it got cold and we both had places to be still, when parting I gave him a kiss on the cheek and that was that. It was Saturday, now it's Monday morning, no text as of yet. He did have his birthday yesterday. In any other case I wouldn't mind texting first, but I haven't been disappearing on him, instead I've been giving him second and third chances. We also talked about that a little bit when having drinks. He said he understood and felt bad for doing it. Blamed the platform I use to communicate but I think that's a rubbish excuse. He still used the platform when not communicating with me, I had offered alternatives, and well. If a man wants to connect, he will! I have been sincere. He hasn't. 

It was a really great meeting. I enjoyed it a lot. I was not impressed, I will say. Some things that I noticed rubbed me the wrong way, he is also a completely different person from my 'childhood crush'. I would be interested in genuinely getting to know him, but I won't be bent out of shape if I don't hear from him. 
 

I had a good night. 

Do you want to hang out with him again? It seems you had a good time with him so I think there's no harm in reaching out to him first. I also think it's polite to wish someone happy birthday.

I think that if you want to continue seeing him and giving this a chance to see where it goes, you'll probaly need to get over the fact that he disappeared before.

 

 

[TacticalLinguine]

40 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Do you want to hang out with him again? It seems you had a good time with him so I think there's no harm in reaching out to him first. I also think it's polite to wish someone happy birthday.

I think that if you want to continue seeing him and giving this a chance to see where it goes, you'll probaly need to get over the fact that he disappeared before.

 

 

You're absolutely right. I may have shot myself in the foot a bit by not wishing him a happy birthday (he knew I remembered it after all these years), but my ego was holding me back a lot, I admit. 

I'd gladly go out with him again. Him and my 'childhood crush' him are two different people to me at this point, I'd like to get to know THE him. Garbage wording, I apologise. I'm still keeping emotional distance though and my trust isn't there after the disappearing acts. 

He texted me around 30min ago. I'm yet to open the message, I have some meetings ahead and want to keep my head clear. If there's no rejection I'll make it a point to wish him a happy belated birthday and ask how it went :).

[LINDA]

I had a similar situation: a breakup and then a rush to find my high school crush. I asked a friend about him, and she gave me his number. I contacted him because we were good friends back then. He said he spent time looking for me after he finished high school because he was two years older than me and went overseas afterward. We reconnected and spent time talking over the phone for maybe a month because he was still out of town. He promised to come for my birthday regardless. However, after spending days talking to him, I discovered that his personality had changed a lot. We didn't have the same things in common anymore. It was as if he had been brainwashed when he left our country. He was even rude sometimes, and I didn't like his behavior. So, I decided to stop talking to him. I can't deny that I was disappointed and felt regret because I had looked for him. I wish I hadn't done it and had kept the nice view I had of him when I was young.

[Batya33]

I think you showed your strong interest by using the mall sighting as an excuse to text him so this is not about you being standoffish at this point or "rejecting" him.  Your focus on what others think of his looks and popularity is -odd but kind of consistent with a teenage crush or a "fan" of a former celebrity kind of. And also what you looked like - I mean of course you cleaned up nice for a date lol.  I would find it really immature that he blamed technology -people who want to get in touch with you will do so -I mean you stopped socializing with your friend to text him just because you saw him at a mall.  

I think if  you want to see him again -sure why not -but it doesn't sound like you do want to know the real him because you have a lot of baggage -understandably -from how flaky he has behaved and my sense is you're not seeing his popularity as an upside other than maybe arm candy -not an upside for a future serious relationship.  No harm in having another fun evening with him!

[TacticalLinguine]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I think you showed your strong interest by using the mall sighting as an excuse to text him so this is not about you being standoffish at this point or "rejecting" him.  Your focus on what others think of his looks and popularity is -odd but kind of consistent with a teenage crush or a "fan" of a former celebrity kind of. And also what you looked like - I mean of course you cleaned up nice for a date lol.  I would find it really immature that he blamed technology -people who want to get in touch with you will do so -I mean you stopped socializing with your friend to text him just because you saw him at a mall.  

I think if  you want to see him again -sure why not -but it doesn't sound like you do want to know the real him because you have a lot of baggage -understandably -from how flaky he has behaved and my sense is you're not seeing his popularity as an upside other than maybe arm candy -not an upside for a future serious relationship.  No harm in having another fun evening with him!

Sorry but, what? Your response borders on offensive.

I rejected him a couple times before the sighting. Texting him was on the spur of the moment with the encouragement of my girlfriend. I wasn't going to text him, I thought it weird after denying him, but I just did it. It took me 5 seconds. I did not abandon my friend. 

My focus on his appearance and popularity was because it's strange to me. I'm very private. One of his friends took pictures of us from a distance when we were out together. After that he was getting texts about being out with a woman. He felt uncomfortable, too. 

I am not sorry if me feeling good about my physical looks offends you somehow. 

The arm candy comment makes no sense to me. I am not shallow like that, I don't see it being reflected anywhere either. 

[Sindy_0311]

Why didn’t you wish him happy birthday on Sunday? I don’t get it? Were you disappointed he didn’t reach out after the date? In which case you could have replied with greetings? 
I think it comes across as rude not to wish a happy birthday to a guy you just saw the night before… 

I also feel uneasy about the “I saw you at the mall” text… why texting someone you saw instead of actually go greet them?  If you can’t greet, then just leave it at that… agree with @Batya33 I think you used it as an excuse. Problem is, the guy might be aware of it and the fact that you like him… and not reaching out for his birthday can be considered as playing it cold… ugh. I would leave it at that and not reach out to him again. There has been to much of contradictory behaviors from your part here.  

[kim42]

4 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

You're absolutely right. I may have shot myself in the foot a bit by not wishing him a happy birthday (he knew I remembered it after all these years), but my ego was holding me back a lot, I admit. 

I'd gladly go out with him again. Him and my 'childhood crush' him are two different people to me at this point, I'd like to get to know THE him. Garbage wording, I apologise. I'm still keeping emotional distance though and my trust isn't there after the disappearing acts. 

He texted me around 30min ago. I'm yet to open the message, I have some meetings ahead and want to keep my head clear. If there's no rejection I'll make it a point to wish him a happy belated birthday and ask how it went :).

I'm glad he texted you!

I honestly don't see anything wrong with seeing if and how this develops, nothing wrong with texting and hanging out if you both feel like it.

I understand though you are a little cautious after him disappearing.

You texting him when you saw him at the mall is totally fine - you didn't see him in a long time after all.

Please keep us updated, if you want, I'm curious to see how this goes! 

[Jaunty]

I'm happy that you had a good time when you went out.   

I do think, though, that you're trying way too hard to be "casual" about this.   Obviously you like him a lot and you are trying valiantly not to let his behavior going forward get into your head and heart.   

But, clearly you ARE into him.  Very.  Otherwise you would definitely have wished him a happy birthday like you would any other person in your life that you like.   

This is all okay.   As long as you are not just pulling a "smoke and mirrors act" on YOURSELF.  

Are you actually willing to date a guy who's proven himself so clearly to be unreliable where you are concerned?   

I mean ... if this goes anywhere, would you ever feel "safe" abandoning your contrived emotional distance (because clearly you're quite into him) ... at any point during dating?  

I'm simply very unconvinced that a guy who ever behaved the way he has could be a good prospect for you, no matter how he behaves now, or how you "play" it.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

Sorry but, what? Your response borders on offensive.

I rejected him a couple times before the sighting. Texting him was on the spur of the moment with the encouragement of my girlfriend. I wasn't going to text him, I thought it weird after denying him, but I just did it. It took me 5 seconds. I did not abandon my friend. 

My focus on his appearance and popularity was because it's strange to me. I'm very private. One of his friends took pictures of us from a distance when we were out together. After that he was getting texts about being out with a woman. He felt uncomfortable, too. 

I am not sorry if me feeling good about my physical looks offends you somehow. 

The arm candy comment makes no sense to me. I am not shallow like that, I don't see it being reflected anywhere either. 

You misread what I wrote and wrote an odd response and I am sorry for offending you -although how  you read it is .... odd!.  Enjoy your next meeting with him! I personally would not have felt rejected as a person if I were him from how you behaved before you texted him to let him know you saw him at the mall and then agreed to meet up.  I agree with Jaunty - he was content to not reach you or contact  you if the "format" didn't work - that's not a person who is into seeing another person enough IMO.

[catfeeder]

9 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

He texted me around 30min ago. I'm yet to open the message, I have some meetings ahead and want to keep my head clear. If there's no rejection I'll make it a point to wish him a happy belated birthday and ask how it went :).

Hi TL! I get the anxiety. It's hard to be drawn to someone's flame despite knowing you'll probably get hurt. You simply know this because he's hurt you before, and his excuse was lame and not even something that says, "I really am sorry, and I'll make it up to you."

He's a guy who always has stuff going on, and he's shelved you (twice?) in favor of going in another direction. So yes, he's fun to be around, and you want to see more of him, but you also know that you're setting yourself up for anxiety. That's okay, most of us have done that. Enjoy what you can, and if it gets too much, run and hide! 🙂