Long-Distance Ex-boyfriend is back

[cececoles45]

I can't believe I am back here three years later but I am! Here is my previous thread: 

 

 

So, my ex boyfriend is back in my life and here's an update. We ended up breaking up just before starting our sophomore year of college in 2021. We kept talking and decided to maintain a completely platonic relationship and it worked. We kept our intimate lives separate... until he didn't. He ended up going out with someone he was friends with when we were dating and he told me. They dated for almost two years up until this past fall. We would occasionally reach out to one another just wishing each other well throughout our time apart but I knew that he was still not over me. I told him that if he ever wanted to talk again, he would have to be done with his relationship because that wasn't fair to neither me nor his gf at the time. Meanwhile, I thought I had gotten over him and knew we would never work out but still, I would think about him occasionally. 

Welp, when he broke up with his gf he reached out to me and we've been talking ever since. I mean texting and facetiming because both of us are away at work/school. He ended up moving back home and it has remained very platonic. We had planned on going on a date, outside of just running errands together or grabbing coffee, just to see where we landed with each other. We planned a date during the holiday break when both of us were home, but I freaked out and I bailed on the date. Now, he'll be away again for the next four months for work while I am away at school and I don't know if I should continue talking to him or not. Now that he is gone especially, I feel more connected to him than ever. I feel as though when he's in the area and there is a possibility for things to escalate, I get icked out and want nothing to do with him but the minute he leaves it bums me out and I wish we could just hangout. Do i miss him or do i just miss having a boyfriend and he's convenient?

He's a wonderful person and we worked so well together but we also don't share the same religious ethnicity. While he said he is happy to be apart of it, I know that I need someone that speaks the language, understands the culture solely for the benefit of my future children. I know it sounds crazy but my culture is really important to me and I want to continue that but I don't think I can do it alone and I need a partner that can fulfill that. Is that dumb? Should I keep talking to him to see where it goes and give it another chance? Or am i wasting my time?

[Batya33]

I married my ex fiancee. IMO it's only worth getting back together if you're ALL in  - if you're actually "icked out" and you cancelled a date -the answer is a resounding NO.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, cececoles45 said:

 Do i miss him or do i just miss having a boyfriend and he's convenient?He's a wonderful person and we worked so well together but we also don't share the same religious ethnicity.  I know that I need someone that speaks the language, understands the culture solely for the benefit of my future children. 

Given the underlying fundamental incompatibilities as well as the distance and on/off nature of the situation, it does seem more like a temporary convenience. He may be a wonderful person, but you seem to have insight into the lack of long term viability. 

[Jaunty]

It seems like you are very clear that it CANNOT work for you.   Otherwise, his being "happy to be a part" of your religion / culture would be enough for you.

People convert to a loved one's religion all the time and it can work fine, but the converted person is rarely if ever as deeply immersed in the nuances as someone born into it and with family roots going back generations in that culture.

Please do not waste your or this guy's time since you already know that you are not compatible on a point which is not negotiable for you.