Would you be upset if you found out SO wasn’t divorced when you met

[Rusaway]

I found out that my bfs divorce was not final until a few months ago. I have been really angry about this. We have been fighting about it. I think it is a huge lie and breach of trust that he had to tell a bunch of other lies to cover up. Literally EVERYONE I have talked to about this doesn’t think it is a big deal because I know they were not together. Now I feel insane that I reacted so strongly about it. I thought people would be on my side, but they are not. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, Rusaway said:

I think it is a huge lie and breach of trust that he had to tell a bunch of other lies to cover up.

What other lies did he tell you to cover it up? 

[Rusaway]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

What other lies did he tell you to cover it up? 

He had to probably tell his friends and family that I thought he was divorced. Seems like there would be legal meetings

[boltnrun]

Did he tell you why he chose to lie?

[Rusaway]

Just now, boltnrun said:

Did he tell you why he chose to lie?

He just didn’t want me to know in case I wouldn’t want to keep dating him

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Rusaway said:

. I think it is a huge lie and breach of trust that he had to tell a bunch of other lies to cover up. 

Sorry this is happening.  How long have you been dating? How did you find out about it? Deception is a deal breaker. Trust your instincts. Is this the same man?:

 

[Rusaway]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening.  How long have you been dating? How did you find out about it? Deception is a deal breaker. Trust your instincts. Is this the same man?:

 

Same guy, yes. We have been for around 1 year. I found out because he had pictures of some of the paperwork in his phone/ipad

[boltnrun]

13 minutes ago, Rusaway said:

He just didn’t want me to know in case I wouldn’t want to keep dating him

So he lied to benefit himself.

What do you think he might do the next time he does something he thinks you won't like, such as get fired from his job or make a bad investment or crash the car? 

I would have a problem with his lie.

[Rusaway]

We have been together for around a year and I found out because he had pictures of paperwork on his cloud account. Same guy.

[Rusaway]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So he lied to benefit himself.

What do you think he might do the next time he does something he thinks you won't like, such as get fired from his job or make a bad investment or crash the car? 

I would have a problem with his lie.

All things I am thinking about. Everyone in my life is making me feel crazy for caring though and I did not expect it 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Rusaway said:

We have been together for around a year and I found out because he had pictures of paperwork on his cloud account. Same guy.

Your parents have been warning you about him. Confide in them.  It may be good to reflect what else he's keeping secret. 

[Rusaway]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your parents have been warning you about him. Confide in them.  It may be good to reflect what else he's keeping secret. 

I couldn’t tell my parents unless I was absolutely certain I was going to break up with him, maybe not even then.

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Rusaway said:

I couldn’t tell my parents unless I was absolutely certain I was going to break up with him, maybe not even then.

Why?

If you need to hide his actions from your parents that would indicate you feel he did something shameful or indefensible. And if you feel that way, why stay in the relationship?

If you hadn't found the documents do you think he would have ever confessed?

[lostandhurt]

This comes down to character.  He didn't come clean and was willing to continue this lie for ever.  So he told you a bold face lie when you first met and then didn't come clean a month later or two months later and had to be discovered by you.   This is not a good sign.

You are not insane for feeling the way you do for being betrayed by someone you love and professes his love to you.  Betrayal is powerful and cuts deep.  Your friends see this as no big deal because it was a means to an end.  Lie to get what you want.  That doesn't sound like who you are but it sounds like who your bf is.

  Tough choice to make but is sounds like this is the icing on the cake with this guy. What will it take for you to cut him loose?  Not what your friends think, not what we think but what you think and feel.

 Lost

[Batya33]

I personally would have been done because I only dated a divorced man if divorced at least a year. And he lied about his marital status. You were dating a married man. He didn’t care if that mattered to you and only cared about himself. 
I declined to meet men in person through a dating site if they claimed to be single or divorced but then “confessed” that they were separated - meaning still married. 
he sounds self absorbed and not trustworthy. I’d be done. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Would be a red flag 

[smackie9]

12 hours ago, Rusaway said:

He just didn’t want me to know in case I wouldn’t want to keep dating him

BIG RED FLAG. He should realize that lying about something so important would make you stop dating him. This proves he's only thinking of himself and lack any accountability. I'd drop him like a hot potato.