partner prioritises her daughter over everything

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, Coily said:

That phone incident alone would scuttle the relationship for me, long before how she acted around my being ill.

As I see it her problem is her whole personality, whole identity is being Mum; rather than raising her daughter. Let me parse this a  bit before the reactions pour in. She sounds like one of these people who have discarded everything to be a parent, giving up all of who they were to be cheered as a parent. Which seems to me to be an unhealthy attachment style. They aren't raising their children for the love of the child, but for the praise, blind adoration, and ready excuses some people get as a parent.

In short she's clinging to the title of "Mum" for the wrong reasons. other wise her daughter would not be ruling the roost in the ways she seems to be.

Before the pummeling, yes kids need to be the priority, but not when it's damaging to the child in the grand scheme of things.

With that all said and spicy. lol I have seen enough couples where this becomes a problem as the mother doesn't know when it's appropriate to let the kids go and learn from their mistakes. Lovely lady I know is still trying to be Mum for her four adult children and suffering for it. She can't see that she needs to let them fail in the little things now. Only her eldest daughter has moved from home, due to the daughter's husband's family selling them a home cheaply.

I agree with you she has done a poor job raising her kid  because she is letting her child rule the roost and exults criminal behaviour. She wants a “ friend” instead of raising a good member of society. Unfortunately, her daughter will pay the price . 

[itsallgrand]

She is hiding behind her daughter. That's a lot of pressure on that kid. 

I agree with Seraphim when she said this lady isn't ready to be in any real relationship with anybody. 

I would think very seriously about what you want in a partner. Wanting someone who is available to be fully in isn't unreasonable but she can't give you that. 

It reminds me of how little kids sometimes use "mom won't let me go" to get out of having to say "I don't want to go". She uses her daughter as her excuse for why she keeps back tracking in your relationship.