Ted

Yes, agreed, she actually encourages this dominant behaviour and says its good for the daughter to be like that, hence I feel the need to discuss this at counselling.

No it certainly didn't have to go that way, but I do recall the statement that my partner made when they first moved in, if daughter isn't happy she will move out and she did so. While yes I can see what you are saying the examples are extreme, in recent months the daughter has convinced her mum to buy a apple watch, only to then return it because she related she did not like it, she even influenced the car that she purchased, I told her at the time it wasn't a wise choice but left it to her to decide of course, but daughter wanted the badge prestige so mum bought the car, now realised it was a mistake and selling it at a loss. to further give you an idea, mums car was hit by another car recently, the daughter is extremely aggressive and dominant, so the daughter snatches the phone from the male driver of the other car and starts going through it and refuses to return it to him, mum was proud if her for doing this, all I could think was that this could have ended very very badly. It is almost like the daughter takes on the male role in their relationship. Having said that we do get along pretty well and daughter confides in my quite often. to make matters even worse, daughter is 18 in a few weeks so mum is now finding herself lonely in her apartment (when I am not available) and says that I do everything for that girl and she treats me like garbage. So what I am saying that this is more extreme than our relationship.

Fully agree with you, but we need to discuss the daughter to get to the root problem, its hard to get to the cause if we don't discuss the way it is being exhibited.

Thank you for your feedback. We lived together for 3 years, she moved out about 6 weeks ago and we are looking for a bigger house at the moment to move back in again, can you guess the prerequisites? Yes 3 toilets. its not like the current house is a dump, its an average size house in a fantastic beachside suburb with a nice pool, but sadly only 2 toilets. I thought we need to discuss the daughter as she is such an influence on all her decisions and lives with us full time (my son is only 50%). To give you an example, she saw a house to look at, I agreed, we were ready to look at it, but her daughter didn't like the look of it so we didn't even look at it, that is the impact the daughter has on our relationship, that is just one example of hundreds.

Hi I am new and this is my first post as I am looking for some advice please, I have tried to convince my partner to do counselling with me but she refuses to discuss her daughter in any sessions, the daughter is a huge, but unacknowledged issue. We have been living together, unit recently for 3 years. I have always had a partner and lived with someone and kind of go with the flow and understand that everyone is different She has not really ever lived with anyone in years, just been her and her daughter (17) So anyway her and her daughter moved out recently as her daughter wanted her own toilet and not share with my son (15) so they moved out. Yes I am serious. While I have many concerns this is one I would like some opinions on: During the weekend I was violently sick, vomiting non stop, I could barely get off the bed, no energy, a very bad case of gastro - I lost 4kg in one day after 8 hours of constant vomiting and dry reaching to give you an idea of how bad it was. She came to visit me on Sunday afternoon, she only comes when her daughter is out doing something else, otherwise she has said that her daughter is always the priority and will stay with her. Despite me being so clearly unwell on a Sunday she didn't stay to make sure I was ok because she had to leave at 4.30 to make her daughters diner, so left me lying in bed and went back to her daughter. Now I could fully understand this if her daughter was young, didn't have a car, didn't have plenty of money and didn't enjoy eating out at every possible opportunity, but that isn't the case. Yes, I would have liked some attention, yes I would have liked to seen that I matter and I would have liked her to say you are really sick, I want to stay and look after you a bit longer. Had the situation been different then I would not leave her sight until she was better, I guess I just expect the same in return. Am I being selfish? Should she have prioritised my health and wellbeing on this one occasion? Thanks