Help 😥

[Stormyday]

For the past few years my boyfriend has always told me that his values and principles were the same as mine in that he was a strictly monogamous person. Now he admits that he would be willing to sleep with other people while in a relationship if he was dating someone else but since he loves me and is in a relationship with me and it's our agreement he would never hurt me and do that. He's also a sex addict so he says out of respect for me he doesn't cheat even though most people would. He also admitted that he's now into transsexuals but "only in porn". I can't help but worry about this even though it doesn't apply to me right now. How do I know if he will change his mind later or come out with more things we're not on the same page about? I don't know if I'm just overreacting.

[SherrySher]

Him telling you all of this, sounds like he is testing the waters to see how you will react so he can find out if there is any chance of moving forward with it one day.

Those needs don't usually disappear.

He wants more.

It's up to you whether you can handle more, or if you're willing to try to expand your boundaries.

Don't let him pressure you though into doing anything you don't want.

Should you be worried that he might take it further one day? Absolutely.

People don't casually bring things up like that without a reason.

 

[Andrina]

What comes out of his mouth is what he's interested in. If I were listening to those words from my man I'd be really turned off, see him in a negative light, and would be doing the opposite of clinging to him. I'd be grossed out with the yuck factor and I couldn't get away fast enough. How is it that you find him to be a prized partner?

[Stormyday]

5 minutes ago, Andrina said:

What comes out of his mouth is what he's interested in. If I were listening to those words from my man I'd be really turned off, see him in a negative light, and would be doing the opposite of clinging to him. I'd be grossed out with the yuck factor and I couldn't get away fast enough. How is it that you find him to be a prized partner?

I feel the same way but it's hard because I love him and from what I hear most men are like this anyway, they're just not vocal or truthful about it. 

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Stormyday said:

. He's also a sex addict so he says out of respect for me he doesn't cheat even though most people would. 

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is he? Do you live together? 

Trust your instincts. He is gaslighting you that "everyone does it". He is also admitting to sex addiction and porn addiction? 

Please pay attention to all theses red flags, especially the baloney about him doing you a "big favor" by not cheating. 

Hopefully when you are free of him, his "addictions", and his lies and gaslighting, you'll be able to find someone decent to date. 

In the meantime, don't believe a world he says. Stop having sex and get tested for STDs. 

 

[Sally .C.]

I don't want so speak for.him or predict his future but...

I think that the only reason he isn't acting on these impulses is because your relationship is currently stable. Later on, when the sexual aspect of your relationship experiences a 'lull', and/or your emotional connection drifts, I don't think he will be able to stop himself from looking elsewhere.

He is telling you these things now because he is wondering or hoping that you will be okay with the possibility of him straying. I don't think you should stay in this relationship unless you're willing to accept that he may eventually sleep with others...and if he knows you aren't ok with this, you may or may not ever find out about it. But my guess is he will act on these impulses sooner or later. He wants what he wants.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Stormyday said:

I feel the same way but it's hard because I love him and from what I hear most men are like this anyway, they're just not vocal or truthful about it. 

Not at all true.  Stay if you're willing to have him sleep around -or feel extremely tempted -and watch transsexual porn.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Sally .C. said:

I think that the only reason he isn't acting on these impulses is because your relationship is currently stable. Later on, when the sexual aspect of your relationship experiences a 'lull', and/or your emotional connection drifts, I don't think he will be able to stop himself from looking elsewhere.

 

This. He is only telling you this as a disclosure for later. 

I would also find very worrying that he tells you how "Oh you know, most people cheat but I am such a good soul that I dont". Because its there to point out how virtuous he is. For doing the most basic thing he can and being loyal. 

[Andrina]

3 hours ago, Stormyday said:

feel the same way but it's hard because I love him and from what I hear most men are like this anyway, they're just not vocal or truthful about it. 

How very insulting to the entire male gender and ridiculous. Do you also have the same viewpoint that every single woman on the planet has one particular mindset about a major topic like this?

People run the gamut so if you continue to think differently, you'll suffer the consequences. You can just as easily fall in love with a man with a more appealing mindset and without red flags. The trick to finding him is to first release the swamp creature back into the sewer he crawled out of.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Andrina said:

 release the swamp creature back into the sewer he crawled out of.

Exactly. He's justifying his depraved lifestyle by claiming all guys are like this. 

[smackie9]

20 hours ago, Stormyday said:

I feel the same way but it's hard because I love him and from what I hear most men are like this anyway, they're just not vocal or truthful about it. 

OMG that is so not true. I get it you feel deflated, it lowers your self worth, you feel you are not good enough for someone to actually love you. No this guy is just $hi&ty with addiction issues....he's not normal. Your just chose badly. There are plenty of guys out there that are not like him.