Leaving my fiancee. Together 10 years. Have I tried hard enough to make it work?

[vinodio]

Today, I have made the decision to break up with Julia. I am no longer in love with her. I don’t know how to do it. She will inevitably want to talk things through and convince me to stay and my great problem is that I find it impossible to say no to her. This is perhaps precisely why I haven’t been able to do it for so long.

If I am truly honest with myself, I haven’t been feeling our bond in a positive light since 2020. Three years of torment and confusion. Now that I am 31, moments from being 32, I have to take control of my life again. I have to set myself up for the future that I want, and for me it has been outstandingly painful to have my heart break slowly over three years.

It started when she woke me up mid 2020 when we lived in Melbourne. She whispered into my ear “I hate you”. If only I was strong enough in myself and the time to tell her to leave and never come back. I was weak, battered by the realities of covid, insecure and trying my hardest to actualise myself and upskill to progress my career. I couldn’t create more instability in my life at the time because I was on a path. Even at the time I think I was subconsciously trying to find a new partner, because the thought of being alone during covid meant that I would have been devastating for me, so much so that I would have ditched the progress I was making on my career and left for the UK. Alas, I accepted her apology and tried hard to ignore the fact that she actually said that to me. Her dad was destroying his own life and relationship with her mum and by extension, her. What she said could have been said in insecurity and anger and mightn’t have been the case, but it still plagues me to this day.

My brother My younger brother and her were not getting along. Her energy was toxic to my relationship with him and I don’t think we ever got back to the place of joy we experienced together because of it. He decided to leave in a huff and we had to end our tenancy and find a new place together. I held high hopes that we would find our own place and Julia and I could work hard to rekindle the damage and care for each other properly again. We moved to new place, and found a flat that was seemingly perfect. Pizza oven, garden, air con in the summer. Unfortunately, the garden had an awful damp problem and there was the most incredible amount of particularly nasty mosquitos all over our home and garden, the pizza oven had so many cracks in it that it didn’t retain heat at all rendering it obsolete. The aircon was also riddled with mould and I got sick.

I was bedridden, I had a severe lack of energy and needed to be cared for. Julia had different ideas. She wouldn’t look after me at a time I was at my worst. Refused to clean the rabbits cage at all despite the fact that it had weeks of piss and *** building up. I also refused to clean the rabbits cage as I had done so for a whole year and had had enough of being the only one who would handle hiss piss and ***. I was so weak that I couldn’t go to work and had to take unpaid leave. She would say things like, “you’re not really that sick, are you?” expecting me to buck up and stop moaning. When I was on my way to the doctors I remember calling My younger brother from the bus in despair. I couldn’t trust her with me anymore and I told him I was thinking about leaving her. He told me to do what I thought was right for me, not for her. And it is evident that this sentiment still remains true today. A day later, I got a call from the doctor saying that I had pneumonia. I told Julia and told her how damaged I was by her lack of care for my situation. Alas, once again, when we spoke about it, she apologised for not caring for me and doubting me. Blaming all of her attitude on the stress of her dad’s alcoholism. My older brother ws going through the same and was causing my family a great amount of grief, and I never blamed my poor choices on that. Again, I didn’t follow my instincts due to fear of loneliness and a brand-new lockdown that was to last for almost 12 months. I was also moments away from getting a huge promotion at work and a huge raise too. To throw a breakup into the mix was not something I was not strong enough to handle. Frankly, if I had broken up with her then, I might’ve been so fragile that I wouldn’t have been able to succeed as well as I did at work in the year to follow. Or perhaps I would’ve had so much focus that I would have succeeded far beyond the success I managed to achieve. We managed to cancel our new tenancy, due to unliveable conditions and found an outstanding flat, with everything we could have wanted. Pool, gym, close to the park and a beautiful old brewery building that was refurbed into semi-luxury flats. Because of covid, rent was cheap! It was a relief to find a place that we could be comfortable and healthy in, given the state of lockdown. We only had each other, My younger brother had moved to Sydney to be with his partner. The perks of free wine, good pay and salary packaging meant that we could afford all of the lifestyle luxuries that we had dreamed of. We managed to save an outstanding sum of money together and through the luxury life, and the building of small but significant wealth, we started to feel like we were achieving together and it felt amazing. I felt that I had made the right choice to stay with her and started dreaming for the future of kids and marriage and a house. I was happy for the hard work and dedication we had put in to be better to each other.

Her parents had been lying to her, as they had been doing for many years as to how much better Her dad had been doing. She had eventually found out that he had continued his drinking to obscene levels and things had not been better at all. She then became tense and upset at all times, started getting angry at me for not saying the right things, as I encouraged her to be harsh and blunt with her family, express the reality that if he didn’t fix up, then he would play no part in our future. To me this was true. I was not prepared to deal with him in my life, because I was so angry at him for destroying Julias character inadvertently. Julia had come to a place where she understood that she was powerless to do anything to fix him. Which, as a therapist, was very hard to do. Her sister in America had little trouble with dissociating, and I was jealous of her husband. But I felt confident in myself, I was strong at work and it gave me the confidence to persevere with Julia, and with the promise of moving back to England, which she didn’t want to do ultimately, I felt her commitment to me was strong and we had a mutual strength that lead me to believe that we could make it work.

I had always planned on marrying her. Even years before. In fact, when I fell in love with her, I was so sure that I had hit the jackpot of life and was so lucky to be that guy. I would’ve proposed to her when we were travelling India and Nepal years before, if I had a penny to buy a ring. So, as our relationship was seemingly on track, and an exciting future on the horizon, I planned to entrench the commitment I had always intended onto her by shopping for a wedding ring. Melbourne’s selection was awful… so I shopped for rings when we went to Hawaii.

We had such an amazing time there that I even called her dad, to ask for his permission. He of course said yes as he and I had a fantastic relationship prior to his dissent. They had already considered me family and I, them. As all of our money was in a shared joint account, I had to borrow money frm My younger brother to buy a ring. To which I would pay him back once I had proposed. The ring was awful, to be fair, but the diamond was outstanding. I wanted to give her the ring and for us to get it remade in a style she wanted when we arrived in England.

We went to Mexico, and had a fantastic week, unfortunately she had to return to Melbourne to get a stamp in her passport. I then used this opportunity to create a proposal she would never forget. I sold my crypto currency and booked a high-end beach resort in Playa Del Carmen, so she wouldn’t know. I bought a bottle of champagne too. Honestly speaking, I was having cold feet. Something wasn’t right and I could feel it. I had such an amazing week when she was away. I was in Puerto Escondido, a beach paradise. I was sociable and active, and I had never made so many friends in one week. I felt like I was free to speak to whoever I wanted, be whoever I wanted and enjoy every day at my own pace. It was liberating. But the situation I had created for myself, pressured me to go through with the engagement. As I needed to pay my brother back because he needed the money. I was unable to remove $1500 from our account without raising her suspicion.

I found a time that no one was on the beach, hid the cold champagne under the beached king sized bed. Took her there and tried to start the proposal conversation. She rambled and rambled, on and on, would not let me speak… when I was the one who took her ther because I had something important to say. I politely told her to shut up because I have something Im trying to say. She did. I told her the old classic, weve been together so long and its been a long time coming, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, so… I got out the ring and asked her to marry me. She couldn’t believe it and wasn’t expecting it, which surprised me. She said, of course I’ll marry you! She saw the ring and obviously didn’t like it, but I had quickly said, before she could express such a sentiment that I bought it because the rock was so beautiful and we can get it remade into a ring that is perfect for her when we got to the uk. Ultimately, I was happy she had said yes, we finished our champagne and went to our hotel room to make love. It wasn’t great. I wasn’t feeling her at all and it hurt. I think we refused to admit that there was a connection problem, because of the overwhelming experience of something big happening that deep down we always thought would happen. We then left our hotel the following day and went back to backpackers reality. We had beautiful places to go to and so much to look forward to on the trip around Mexico. We did have so much fun. It was amazing and I thought that just because we had average sex right after proposing it was not to determine how well we would do together. Things felt great and on our last stop at San Cristobal, she started to get pressure from her parents to book a house in the lake district for their impending visit to the uk. I told her as long as they are paying us back then that is absolutely fine, because ultimate we are young and while we have saved money for our future, it was to buy a house, not to pay for her family’s vacation. It also was revealed to me that Julia and her parents had taken advantage of my parents offer to put them up, and booked flights for a month long visit, to which they expected my parents to put them up for all this time. I had already communicated to Julia that they can stay for two weeks at my parents because it was reasonable. She refused to ask them to book somewhere to stay because they couldn’t afford it. I felt manipulated, uncared for and so upset that my fiancée had no interst in exploring another option with her parents, who had taken the piss. I told her initially when my parents said they could stay that 2 weeks was the limit, she failed to tell them and now made it my problem. My parents weren’t happy but because they were so excited to see me after all this time, they let it slide and were incredibly accommodating. But they couldn’t provide the car for us as promised because my older brother needed it, due to his alcoholism destroying him. I got it. It was fair, but Julia refused to ask her parents to pay for a rental car for our holiday too. Later I will quantify the financials.. We argued a lot about this in Mexico, however, we managed to communicate well enough to each other and decide stand firm together. We flew from Mexico to Peru.

Peru was not fun. I didn’t like the people at all. I found them rude, unaccommodating which is unlike me. I’m a pretty good traveller, I speak Spanish. Overall something was not right. This was supposed to be the post covid trip of a lifetime. There was a peculiar energy coming from Julia. She claimed to be under stress from her parents imminent meeting in the UK. We went on a package trip to the amazon, which I thought was a bad idea. It cost $1000 and was absolutely awful. I’m not going to bother talking about it. She has also booked us a package trek, as experienced trekkers I knew this was a bad idea. It was. Another $1000 gone for an average experience. On the trek, she was being rude to me, but as we were trekking, I didn’t let it effect me. When I’m trekking I am free. On the second to last night, after a very long day of walking, we were asleep in two separate beds, which is not a problem when trekking. I was snoring, loudly. She made it her mission to wake me up so that I would shut up so she could go to sleep. She has a history of doing this and to be honest, its ***ing selfish. I was not going to be pushed around by this rude person. I was tired and needed my rest because I was already tired dealing with Julia being rude and I had walked 25km that day. I told her, if she didn’t stop trying to wake me up I will get all of her possessions and throw them out of this hut. Harsh, but honestly.. at this point, I actually felt like I was going to call off the engagement. Nothing about peru or her had inspired me to not constantly dwell on how she was such bad company, and even back to the arguments we were having in Mexico. She is so incapable of getting a grip when the going gets tough. So dependant on me to make everything better, regardless of how it might make me feel. I get my own grip, and I don’t depend on her. Its probably because I haven’t been able to properly depend on her for 3 years. All I wanted to do was fly back to England and see my friends and family. When we eventually did see my friends and family, they were all so excited by our engagement that even I began to get excited about it again. But alas, our families meeting for the first time and all of the financial issues I previously laid out, came to reality. And by the end of it all, I had had enough.

Without boring you with the details. Her parents visit cost my parents a lot of money. This cost left a bitter taste in my parents mouth but they were impressed by my patience, care and resiiliece with Julia s frankly weird family. So they didn’t hate me for it. When Julia parents left, we moved into my parents flat full time and Julia had a very peculiar attitude. She was ungrateful to my family. She hated them coming and going as they pleased… in their own house… didn’t want to move out and get our own place because we were saving so much money. She was stressed, and I just wanted to get back to enjoying having my amazing friends around me again. She said I wasn’t around for her. I wasn’t, she was being toxic and ungrateful and put a downer in everything I did. In Australia, I was patient and accommodating and spent all my time with her friends because they were the only people we could see during lockdown, because we lived close to them. Even though I really didn’t enjoy their company. I hosted them, cooked for them brought all my joyful energy to them. Now it was my turn. I had spent 6 years without my nearest and dearest around and was not going to be held back. I had told her in Melbourne that this is what I was going to do, and she would need to make a lot of effort with her vast amount of friends who live in London. She said she had understood that at the time. She didn’t and just wanted me to support her during her transition to the UK. I had already spent my first month in the UK looking after her family and tarnishing my relationship with my own family, due to her taking advantage of their generosity. She made little effort with my parents to get along, which I still find offensive considering everything they did for us and her parents. I told her she needed to get over the fact that my dad isn’t woke and that my mum is remarkably judgemental, and the fact that they are both culturally ignorant and unknowingly slightly racist. Just like I get over the fact that her dad is a lying selfish drunk, and her mum is a manipulative cowardly liar too. I have spent at least three months of my life with her family. Looking after them, driving them around, going on holidays with them. Julia has done this for only one week with mine.

Once again, I came to realise that Julia does not offer me the same considerations that I offer her. This made me very insecure again and my mental health started to deteriorate. We were not getting along, and I was having such a great time with my friends, my new work friends and refused to be held back. I was doubting our love again, and our compatibility.

Enter Sandra. I met Sandra through John and our friendship group. She is a talented actor and works with John. We have a lot in common and I was truly excited to have a new friend. Particularly one who made me laugh, I made her laugh and I even thought her and Julia would get along really well. We were texting a lot, chatting about things like our love of wine and food, something I missed because, truth be told, Julia doesn’t have a particularly inspiring food or wine chat. Which is not a problem for me. I used to have friends in Melbourne who I would food and wine chat with ALL THE TIME. They were my people and I loved them for it. It’s my job, my passion and my area of expertise, not hers. I suspect Julia had looked at my phone and checked my messages, to find that we had been texting a lot. The main reason I suspected this is because, over the next two weeks she had randomly slipped in to conversation that Sandra fancies me – at really inappropriate times – four times. I actually do not believe this is the case. And I am almost certain of this now because she wants to go into business with me, not sleep with me. I told her to stop saying it because it will ruin my friendship with her and it is so hard for me to connect with people, so when I do, I don’t want it spoiled. She continued to suspect things, and it really ***ed with my head. Sandra is attractive, and I truly never thought about her that way because I was trying so hard not to doubt my future with Julia. Julia’s worst trait is her jealousy. So, she inevitably had a problem with me texting and attractive woman who I have things in common with. I shared this information with some of my friends, which was a bad idea. Because they suspected things as a result. Lesson learned. Julia was driving me insane and I needed to escape.

I told my boss I had covid and went to Devon to “spend time with my dad”, . Her annual selfishness had gone on for too many years and I ran away to Devon to figure out what I was to do. I had just found a new job starting January and had resigned my current position. I wanted to set myself up for success in the new year and after a lot of torment and deliberating, I was feeling like breaking up with her. I had told my parents how I felt. My dad was very supportive and offered me advise that was sound and reasonable, stating that the decision was ultimately mine, and he would support me in my struggle. My mum on the other hand was toxic. After meeting her family and seeing how Julia was not supporting me, lifting me up or making me fulfilled in anyway. She took it upon herself to twist my words back at me and make Julia out to be a villain. Which she is not. My worst trait is how easily influenced I can be. This is ultimately why I have stayed with Julia for so long, because I have always feared upsetting her, because I have felt that its my responsibility to make her happy. My mum used the words, if you stay with her then you’re only kicking the can down the road. She influenced me, and even though she was right. The way she did it ultimately showed me that my mum is not a very nice person. I love her, but I have always known this to be true. My mum suggested that I syphon half of our savings in order to protect myself. I drove back to London, and as Julia went off to the shops, I stupidly out of fear tried to send half of our money into my personal account. This was a bad move. I couldn’t due to the restrictions on our accounts, and due to the way that money was moving around, I couldn’t hide the truth from Julia. So, I sat Julia down and told her I was leaving her and that this engagement was over. She was devastated, she had no idea that things had gotten this bad. I hated seeing her this way. I have trouble inflicting pain onto her, and this pain can’t get worse. Your love of 10 years, your fiancé, deciding that you are not suitable for each other and should not get married. The money movement added insult to injury, as my mum had convinced me that she would take all of my money – because “there’s nothing quite like a woman’s scorn.”

The following weeks were difficult. I didn’t trust my mum, so I couldn’t count on her. I didn’t trust my family to care for me, I felt guilty for hurting Julia. And my friends didn’t believe that it was over. I then doubted my decision and took her back and tried to work things through as we previously did. I was scared, and couldn’t trust anyone. So I took the comfort of Julia, because she has been the only one I’ve been through anything hard with and made it through. She wanted it so badly, and her sheer commitment to making things better was a stronger commitment I’ve ever seen in her in my life. Could I be so stupid as to lose someone who is as committed to me as she is? Or is her commitment a one-way street? If I can’t commit to her as she would to me then what kind of husband would I be?

I chose to match her commitment and get our own place, where we could work together and get our lives back on track. We both had new jobs starting imminently, I was to work from home, and she was supposed to be working in the field and in the hospital. To this day I’m not sure if she was lying to me. It was never going to be healthy for us to both be working from home. Turns out her job is 90% home based. I was supposed to have the office and she was supposed to be working out of the house. And in a time where we were supposed to be slowly building back our trust in each other, she was ALWAYS there. I haven’t had a single space to breathe this year. And her smothering became a problem. I couldn’t share an office with her, and she refused to work anywhere else. So I moved the computer to our living room. While in the living room, she couldn’t let me get on with my workday, and distracted me every hour. My brain does not work like this. I need my space and privacy to focus. Frankly, I believe that if she wasn’t around, I would have made a far better run of this job this year. Due to my lack of high achievements, I don’t believe this job will continue with success next year and I will have to find work another way. But this is beside the point now. She did work on giving me space during the work day, even though it took 8 months for her to be this considerate. Unfortunately, despite my efforts to feel for her the way I used to. I do not. I have decided this. It’s my decision to make.

My future is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. It is mine, and for no one else to determine. I do not feel that Julia and I will be good partners to raise kids. She is far too self-involved to be my wife. I will not end up like my dad who doesn't love his wife. Who stayed together for the kids, who now are ultimately insecure and damaged from the fact that we grew up in a toxic household. I do not want this for my kids. I know I can be the best dad in the world. I know I can be successful and strong if I take my life into my own hands. However lonely it may be, I must do this. If I am doubting us still at this point. After a third year of trying to get our love back on track, it is evident that this lack of commitment on my part is more telling than anything. It is time to end things, once and for all.

I have written this down, changed all the names and places for anonymities sake. The reason I’ve written this and posted it, is because it might be helpful to have some perpective. If you feel like commenting, please be kind. Do you think I’ve made a fair assessment of my own life? Does it sound like I have given everything I can to make this 10 year relationship succeed?

 

[Batya33]

If you have to write this much and it is this much drama then you walk away and I'd stop questioning myself about "did I do enough" -to me that and all the words is potentially to give you an excuse to stay and spin  your wheels more.  I don't think the issue is a problem inflicting pain on her, or the layout of your home etc -it's you being passive and afraid to make a change and telling yourself you're "slowly building back trust" -instead of the psychobabble look at the plain simple facts of incompatibility. 

All breakups involve some disappointment and some involve pain.  You know that -basic stuff.  Get back to basic stuff. Basics -you two are not a good match.  Breaking up involves lots of inconvenience, lost $ frequently, often some tears - and it involves you being willing to make a change that involves you being on your own. 

Face yourself and yourself is a person who is afraid of change so you tell yourself how wonderful it is that you "worked" so hard to stay, how you can't hurt a fly - but they're excuses cause staying is..... easier.  Don't do what's easy -do what's right. 

I'm sorry.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, vinodio said:

Does it sound like I have given everything I can to make this 10 year relationship succeed?

I think you did.

I have a politician friend. Anyway, he had a wonderful fiance. Kind hearted, inteligent, she even cooked for him, which is very rare to find even here were we have more traditional values. But to him it didnt work out. They were together 3 years and engaged for 4,5 years more. And he broke up the engagements citing how they are simply too different. And in a way they are. My friend is trully a politician in its soul. He even leads a local political party now. While she is really kind hearted woman. Who didnt really like to go out and socialize that much aside of them two going somewhere. Which in turn he didnt like that much. She constantly asked him to go for walks around river for example. And he always turned her down. He promissed to her dying dad(her dad died few years into them dating) how he would do everything for them to succeed. But at the end they just didnt. He even liked her family very much. Told me that he finds it very hard that her brother and sister-in-law dont talk to him anymore. As they were all very close.

Anyway, they both bounced back. My friend found a new fiance. Not that inteligent and kind hearted. And she doesnt even cook for him. But she does like socializing so they are very active there. While his old fiance found a guy abroad and married to him. Think she has a baby now. That was another thing, she was 5 years older then him. And he left her in very critical age to start a family. But at the end it did worked out for both of them.

Point is, you as my friend, gave it years to this. If you think this isnt going anywhere and you wont be happy after years spent together, its better to break up now. You both should be fine. And probably way more happy with somebody else in the future. Its clear that you think this isnt going to work. And that she resents you dearly. Longevity wont help you there. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Please take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Please focus on your financial independence as well as securing a job you can maintain.

Do you still live together? Do you co-lease, co-own or is it your place or her place? Depending on the situation, please find appropriate affordable housing for yourself. 

Unfortunately having your eye on someone else already won't solve your issues. You've been coasting along complacently for way too long. 

Be honest with yourself and with her. Tell her it's not working out and find alternative housing ASAP. 

[vinodio]

Thank you for taking the time to read this everyone. your comments are helpful. I'm staying at my parents flat. and we can end our tenancy within a month.

I should like to write more but im up against it at work today. 

I actually spoke to my boss, who was so supportive and kind. And has a complicated love life history of his own. Experienced and wise. I feel far more confident about my job as a result.

Thank you all.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, vinodio said:

 I'm staying at my parents flat. and we can end our tenancy within a month.

That's excellent. All you need to do is wrap up the final details to sever all financial ties.  After that, delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Make a fresh start and leave the past in the past. 

[vinodio]

Thank you Wiseman. Fortunately due to our international travelling history, our UK friendship groups are very seperate. So it should be ok. The finances will be a whole other level of trouble, and she will likely lay claim to more of our savings than I. I do however have about 30% of it exclusively in my name. which I hope to get more of, 40% would put me at peace considering she has always earned more than me, even though she has always spent more than me...

[Jaunty]

It's hard to break up, but you depict Julia as some kind of evil creature out of a fairy tale who was doing her best to destroy you. 

I don't understand why you did not break up after she woke you up to whisper in your ear "I hate you."    In any case, I just skimmed the rest of the dramatic details.   Clearly your relationship was already in the toilet at that point.  

Breaking up is hard but it's going to be easier than existing in this pit of doom.

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, vinodio said:

. I do however have about 30% of it exclusively in my name. which I hope to get more of, 40% would put me at peace considering she has always earned more than me, 

If you are not married, her money is hers and yours is yours. Sever all joint accounts. Focus on rebuilding your life and developing more financial independence. 

[smackie9]

Once you have time out of this relationship...things will look much differently...how you feel about things, how you see yourself, etc. It will be so peaceful and exhilarating at the same time. 

[Sally .C.]

This was well written and I read every word.

You are making the right decision to leave. Your heart seems to be screaming for you to free yourself. If she were right were right for you, you wouldn't have so much unhappiness and doubt (and you know that). You are worried about her somewhat...but she will be ok, she will find her way. 

It will be very hard for a while at first. Then, you'll wake up one morning and you'll feel ok. Best of luck as you rewrite your future.

[SooSad33]

On 11/10/2023 at 5:58 AM, vinodio said:

I do not feel that Julia and I will be good partners to raise kids. She is far too self-involved to be my wife. I will not end up like my dad who doesn't love his wife. Who stayed together for the kids, who now are ultimately insecure and damaged from the fact that we grew up in a toxic household. I do not want this for my kids. I know I can be the best dad in the world. I know I can be successful and strong if I take my life into my own hands. However lonely it may be, I must do this

 

On 11/10/2023 at 5:58 AM, vinodio said:

Today, I have made the decision to break up with Julia. I am no longer in love with her. I don’t know how to do it. She will inevitably want to talk things through and convince me to stay and my great problem is that I find it impossible to say no to her. This is perhaps precisely why I haven’t been able to do it for so long.

If I am truly honest with myself, I haven’t been feeling our bond in a positive light since 2020. Three years of torment and confusion.

 

On 11/10/2023 at 5:58 AM, vinodio said:

Do you think I’ve made a fair assessment of my own life? Does it sound like I have given everything I can to make this 10 year relationship succeed?

 

Yeah, I'd say so and now I guess you can agree that you've let it go on for too long?

You two are not compatible in any means and you have way too many issue's going on 😕 .

Now, I guess you feel it's your chance to finally break free?  Then do it!  And give yourself some decent time to work through your emotions before you go out to date again! ( sadly, way too many people jump right into it as soon as they know they're finally free, BUT are not yet ready as they're still emotionally invested in the whole thing still.).

Take it easy, give yourself time to adjust and get yourself back to good.  Expect many emotions, as it was a LTR.

Good luck!  😉