I'm the third person

[Mertie101]

Hello,

About a month ago I met this guy at my gym and immediately had a crush. After we hit it off, he took me outside for a coffee but then he told me he had a girlfriend and she was very possessive of him. He talked to ehr on the phone and lied about being late home. Then we started seeing each other on and off and had sex a couple of times and I fell for him when he started to send me text messages or call me throughout the day. He told me he wasn't gay and only had sex with another man before me once when he was drunk. But lately he's been distant to me and frequently tells me about how much he loves his girlfriend when he walks with me. He apologized a couple of time for praising his girlfriend by me but still does it time to time and tells me he's not comfortable being physical with me outside. Normally he would drop me off at home but today I was heartbroken that he left me in the middle of dinner to pick up his girlfriend. I texted him tonight and said I needed time to think this through. What advice would you give me?

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Mertie101 said:

. He told me he wasn't gay and only had sex with another man before me once when he was drunk. 

Sorry this happened.  It seems like he's on the down low and cheating on his GF. Is he bi or in the closet? 

It's never worthwhile being a side item. To avoid headaches and heartaches, cut your losses and avoid and delete and block him. 

Instead get a good profile and pics on quality gay dating apps and start talking to men who want what you want. 

[Kwothe28]

12 minutes ago, Mertie101 said:

He talked to ehr on the phone and lied about being late home.

Sorry but, gay relationship or not, liers and cheaters stay liers and cheaters. So what you saw from him is what you get. Endless lying and cheating. Even if he would somehow left his girlfriend and be with you, you would get the same behavior. Dont fall for stuff like that and appreciate yourself more. Find somebody who is not confused about sexuality and single.

[Mertie101]

He says he might be bisexual but also doesn't want to talk about these things and gets uncomfortable when I bring that up. I'm actually on dating apps and get lots of matches and he told me he was OK with me seeing other people but when I talk of them he usually gets jealous and offended. But he doesn:t care about how I feel when he talks of his girlfriend. He told me he could become a friend and give me sexual intimacy but not emotional intimacy. I told him that was what I actually needed. I'm a pretty decent guy in terms of looks but I guess I was in an emotional starvation and he fills that whole by spending time with me everyday. But this thing we have prevents me from dating and finding potential boyfriend. I can't seem to do with or without him.

[Mertie101]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Sorry but, gay relationship or not, liers and cheaters stay liers and cheaters. So what you saw from him is what you get. Endless lying and cheating. Even if he would somehow left his girlfriend and be with you, you would get the same behavior. Dont fall for stuff like that and appreciate yourself more. Find somebody who is not confused about sexuality and single.

Yeah I guess a small stupid part of me thought he would leave her someday and be with me. It seems pretty unlikely as they've been dating for 4 years.

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Mertie101 said:

Yeah I guess a small stupid part of me thought he would leave her someday and be with me. It seems pretty unlikely as they've been dating for 4 years.

Even if he did, you’d maybe enjoy that victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that now you’ve been promoted from the one he cheats with to the one he cheats ON.

Then you’d spend the duration looking over your shoulder, every single day.

Is this how you want to live?

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Mertie101 said:

Yeah I guess a small stupid part of me thought he would leave her someday and be with me. It seems pretty unlikely as they've been dating for 4 years.

So let's say he did leave her for you. And let's say you two had some relationship problems. Would you expect him to a) cheat on you or b) discuss the problems with you and try to solve them?

You already know what he would do. He'd cheat. And he'd tell the other person you are "possessive". 

[Mertie101]

Thanks to everyone that responded. I think it’s better to call it off with him and go my own way. I always felt deep down that I needed to be somewhere I’m actually appreciated and not treated like a side wheel.

[MissCanuck]

There is no advice to give other than to move on. 

Please don't fool yourself into thinking this will ever become a healthy, solid relationship. It won't. And please don't ever disrespect yourself like this again. Being someone's secret is very bad for your sense of self-worth.