Snooping

[duchesstigerlily]

Ok...well fiance and I have started seeing a couple's counselor due to some communication issues and also because he had a non-sexual affair with someone...that was a hugely complicated situation.

 

Anyway, obviously we had some major trust issues but I have been feeling so much better and our relationship has been mostly good...no suspicions or anything like that. We decided to go on a couple's plan and get new cell phones that had unlimited calls and text messages between us...which was fine and great. I used to snoop a lot...but since I've gotten to trust him better I never do it...I never have the urge...until yesterday.

 

I was alone with his cell phone and I just couldnt help myself...I went through his received, dialed calls, phone book and text message. I saw one strange number and looked it up online as a reverse look up and it turned out to be our cell phone provider's number. Anyway, I felt like a huge moron. Everything he has done since we got our cell phones a month ago is on that phone and really, he doesnt use it much except to talk to me.

 

I feel really bad. Should I tell him I looked? I love him and I know he loves me and we are dedicated to working our problems (previous problems) out. We are both committed, which is why we decided to go to counselling and we hardly ever fight anymore and we just enjoy being together. I dont know why I did it but I feel SO guilty.....and almost feel like I have to "confess"!

[hockeyboy]

first of all....if he were hiding something, i doubt he'd leave his cell phone alone with you. remind yourself of that next time.

 

dont tell him, but control yourself next time

[sonjam]

confessing will only spark the feeling in him that you still don't trust him, (and you do trust him now) , it will be a negative influence in your current newly regenerated relationship. Don't tell, but if you get the urge again , DON'T DO IT - That's what trust means.

[duchesstigerlily]

I know you're both right. I certainly dont want to start causing issues where there are none. We have so much fun and are so close (we live together as well) and I dont want to wreck anything by having him think I dont trust him or never will completely trust him again. The cell phone thing was just crazy....and it isnt even like he gave me a *reason* to have the urge to look....all he did was leave his cell phone on the dresser in the bedroom (he always leaves it there) and go into the livingroom to watch tv......he had no clue I was looking.

 

I wont tell him...but I'll make sure to keep my urges in check, although they dont happen often, because I dont want to screw this up and end up pushing him away.

[RayKay]

I'll say that this time don't confess, obviously you feel really guilty about it, so just remember this guilt next time you are tempted. I don't condone snooping...but it seems you are aware it is wrong and let worry get to you...

 

There is no doubt some trust issues there due to his emotional affair, however you are both in counselling now to work through these issues and rebuilding trust is essential - but you need to allow him to rebuild that trust! Allow that trust to be rebuilt, which it won't be with snooping and suspicions. If it keeps bothering you, maybe talk to counsellor individually, or bring it up vaguely that you feel sometimes afraid to trust...

[punchy504]

now you know he's true- don't do it again, and be happy he's trying to make it work