Am I the bad guy?

[AnimeNeRD]

I've been dealing with an issue with my roommate for not too long now but I am not sure if I am the bad guy.

We both work at the same place and it is a very stressful job for both of us.  

Unfortunately we both had the misfortune of having a VERY bad day and I happened to yell at her, unintentionally taking my anger out on her.

I am now getting the silent treatment and having to deal with the front door slamming back and forth. I feel really bad but this has happened before for several days at a time and every time I apologize I get yelled at and it makes me feel so terrible. 

But at the same time if she yells at me on a stressful day, I just shove it down and don't bring it up and continue about my day like nothing happened. 

I love her as a great friend but I'm not sure how else to communicate. What do you guys think?  

 

 

[Cherylyn]

Be the bigger person,  have a quiet moment with zero distractions and tell her,  "I'm sorry for .  .  ."  Sincerely apologize,  be humble and do the right thing.  Both of you live together so make amends and squelch hard feelings.  Take the high road and make peace with her.  Both of you will feel better in the end and can start anew.

Tell her that you made a mistake and will try to do better.  Express why you are remorseful.

In the future,  when you have a bad day,  put a lid on it.  You can calmly share about your bad day but don't yell,  shout and carry on like an out of control monster.  🤬

Since she yells at you and refuses to accept your apology,  perhaps you should think about a new roommate replacement sometime in the future. 

Both of you are at fault.  She's a bad girl. 

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, AnimeNeRD said:

I've been dealing with an issue with my roommate. I love her as a great friend but I'm not sure how else to communicate. 

 Are you living together as a couple or as roommates? How long have you been living together? Are there other people in the house? How old is she? 

How long have you worked together?Perhaps your living arrangement isn't working out. Have these door slamming and screaming matches happened often? 

If you apologized for your outburst, let the dust settle and give her some space. 

[catfeeder]

The apology least likely to agitate someone who is upset would be, “I acted like a jerk, and I’m sorry.”

Period. No but… No explanations… No requests for forgiveness… Just leave it alone after that, and allow for her to reflect on it.

 If you are saying anything beyond that, you are poisoning the apology. She may view that as an attempt to justify, which discredits the apology and comes off as arguing, or she may view it as pressure to forgive when she’s not ready, which can come off as insincere and manipulative.

While nothing justifies her yelling at you, the only person you can control is yourself. If you are invested in keeping the peace until you can find a less volatile roommate, don’t model her worst behaviors, but actively seek a better living situation.

[SooSad33]

IMO, none of this is good 😕 .

I understand a workplace can be stressful, but to have an outburst like this is no good.

You BOTH need to stop this.  Need some air? Get out for a few mins, take a break, but it's doing neither of you any good by blasting each other this way.

It's not professional in any means and can be harmful to one's mental health and the health of your workplace - making all toxic.