NEED ADVICE please!! Break up and seeing ex

[Tomjensen]

I am Male 34 and I broke up with my Female 36 ex around 6 months ago. Our relationship was very up and down, but at the end I ended things with her. It was a 4 year relationship and also quite toxic.

We see each other in the gym from time to time. I spoke to her the other day and felt like I gave her alot of my time and energy. she told me she went away, has been going out etc I din't really say much back as I didn't want to have a conversation with her. She is toxic and I know that but since this conversation I find my self thinking of her most days and wondering what she is up to, although I don't want to be with her and do not want to get back with her.

Could it be she is thinking of me or the conversation set off old feelings or resurfaced surpressed feelings. I haven't cared what she is up to for months but all of a sudden BAM, I find her in my thoughts half of my days, I really don't want her back or want to speak to her but could it be worrying about who's in her life etc

Has anyone else experienced this after a break up futher down the line? Any advice would be helpful

I am currently dating also and seeing other girls, I am social and do get on well with women as friends and in my dating life.

[Batya33]

 I think it's normal after a long relationship.  Feelings are feelings not facts.  Good for you for moving on and being self-aware! Do you have to go to the gym at the same time?

[lostandhurt]

Of course this is normal since you shared 4 years of your life and dreams with this woman.  As time goes on we tend to remember fondly the times we shared and then it tends to stick for a while until it fades again.  You are doing well to remember the bad times and the reason it ended though.

 Nothing has changed except time apart so it is best to keep your distance if possible.  No need playing with fire since you know for sure you will get burned.

 I am sure she thinks of you as well but does it really matter?  This is just your ego wanting to be her special guy she will never forget when in reality having her forget you and steer clear of your life would be the  best thing for you both.

 Your last sentence leads me to think you want to be friends with her.  Very bad idea, make friends with other women if you must but she is not the droid you are looking for.

Lost

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Tomjensen said:

We see each other in the gym from time to time. . she told me she went away, has been going out etc 

I am currently dating 

Sorry this happened. Try to curtail the chitchat and keep it cordial but cool so the opportunity for her to go on about herself or act like friends doesn't arise. 

It's great you're out there dating. Hopefully you've deleted this ex and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.  Try to keep her in the past.

[Tomjensen]

15 hours ago, Batya33 said:

 I think it's normal after a long relationship.  Feelings are feelings not facts.  Good for you for moving on and being self-aware! Do you have to go to the gym at the same time?

I dont have to go to the same gym but it is one of the only ones in my area that is good, I know a few people there to so I wouldn't like to change which is annoying

[Tomjensen]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Try to curtail the chitchat and keep it cordial but cool so the opportunity for her to go on about herself or act like friends doesn't arise. 

It's great you're out there dating. Hopefully you've deleted this ex and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.  Try to keep her in the past.

I am doing exactly that, I did see her in the gym after we spoke but I avoided her and all contact, it was the conversation I have which opened up alot of feelings and generally made me feel like I have taken 20 steps backwards. Funny how the mind works and almost can play tricks on you.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Tomjensen said:

I dont have to go to the same gym but it is one of the only ones in my area that is good, I know a few people there to so I wouldn't like to change which is annoying

I understand!  Any way to change your schedule if she has a regular one?

[Tomjensen]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I understand!  Any way to change your schedule if she has a regular one?

I only tend to see her on one of the days I go, but even anticipating that isn't great as we used to train together in that gym, but as time goes by im sure the feelings will ease off. I could go later on but its just my schedule

[SooSad33]

You're 6 mos out of a toxic 4 yr relationship, of course you'll be thinking of her and it only adds fuel to the fire if you hafta keep running into her.  Kinda hard to get someone out of your head if you keep doing this 😕 .