how do i make him go there????

[yo js]

my boyfriends mental state is really bad. some months ago he went to psychiatrist and they gave him pills , but they did not really work for him. now he took all of the pills and now he should go and buy more, but i told him to go to psychiatrist again because maybe the dose is too small. but the problem is that he wont listen to me. i tried to tell him nice, i tried to be not nice and he just doesn’t want to go there. i dont know what else to do. also it’s affecting me too. because of this mental health problems i feel like he has lost feelings for me.  i tried to make him give me love and care and attention but i know its bad, because he is not doing it on purpose to make me feel miserable or something. i just cant live like that. just sometimes i feel like a friend to him or a stranger even, like he lost interest in me now. i dont know what to do anymore 

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, yo js said:

 i feel like he has lost feelings for me.   i feel like a friend to him or a stranger even, like he lost interest in me now.

How long have you been dating? How old is he? Do you live together or does he live with parents? Does he work and have medical insurance? 

Unfortunately it's up to him to take care of his physical and mental health. How long has he been distant?

Are there problems in the relationship such as arguments or not seeing each other? Please be aware that while poor mental health can affect relationships, pills may not magically make your relationship better.

Step back and give him space. Get busy with other things so you don't suffocate him. Ask him to contact you when he feels better.

[yo js]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he? Do you live together or does he live with parents? Does he work and have medical insurance?

we’ve been dating for 7,5 months, he is 19 lives with parents because he is studying, yes he has medical insurance 

[yo js]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it's up to him to take care of his physical and mental health. How long has he been distant?

maybe for 2-3 months 

[yo js]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are there problems in the relationship such as arguments or not seeing each other? Please be aware that while poor mental health can affect relationships, pills may not magically make your relationship better.

i guess so, he doesnt really want to spend time with me sometimes.

i know pills wont fix magically anything but its always something. he also tried to go to psychologist but it wasn’t helpful at all. so what can make my relationship better then?

[yo js]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Step back and give him space. Get busy with other things so you don't suffocate him. Ask him to contact you when he feels better.

but shouldn’t i be there for him when he is feeling bad instead of leaving?

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, yo js said:

we’ve been dating for 7,5 months, he is 19 lives with parents because he is studying, yes he has medical insurance 

Try to step back. He has friends family and healthcare. It's possible he's just losing interest so if you step back, see if he steps up. Please stop nagging him about the medication or how much he should take.

Stay in your own lane and prepare for the fact that he's doing the slow fade and doesn't have the courage to breakup.

[Andrina]

16 minutes ago, yo js said:

but shouldn’t i be there for him when he is feeling bad instead of leaving?

Take it from someone whose first husband also suffered from depression. When a person isn't committed to a lifetime of continuing to keep their own mental state in a good place with the right meds and psychiatric care, then it is best to walk away. It's not being uncaring. You don't sacrifice your own happiness for what you think of as being in the best interest of the partner, or because of hopeful thinking.

He doesn't meet your needs. I know how that feels. There were periods where my ex-husband wouldn't speak at the dinner table, unless it was to bite my head off over what he perceived was me giving him a dirty look, when I was just daydreaming and not even thinking of him. And then he'd go to his man cave in the garage and isolate himself there. Yes, I felt like I was lonely and that was the opposite of what my goal was for marriage.

People with rescuing mentalities only end up hurting themselves. He doesn't want to be rescued and you don't have the superpowers to do that, anyway.

Caring for someone isn't enough when your major must-haves are lacking. I'd just tell him, "This relationship isn't working for me." Breakups are always upsetting, but they allow you to eventually find a better match.

[MissCanuck]

Why are you trying to force this relationship?

You don't get to make him do anything. Much as you would like to see him change his behaviour toward you, you cannot and should not dictate what he does with his mental health. You aren't qualified nor is that healthy for a relationship. You're being pushy and not listening to what he is telling you. 

Isn't it possible that he's simply losing interest, rather than this being down to a psychiatric issue? You two haven't been together long, you're every young, and he's already letting it fizzle. It isn't fun but it might just be that the relationship has run its course for him. 

If you aren't happy, the answer isn't to keep insisting that he do things your way. The answer is to break up and find a better match who you don't have to strong-arm into caring about you. 

 

[smackie9]

 His issues are not yours to solve. let his family deal with him...just walk away. You can't help him and you are way too young to be dealing with such adult issues that are not yours.

[poorlittlefish]

Trying to help someone shouldn't involve making yourself just as miserable as they are.  If your boyfriend won't take responsibility for her own mental health, then you need to look after your own by walking away.  It's not selfish, particularly not when he has family - it's sensible.

[Lambert]

6 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

Trying to help someone shouldn't involve making yourself just as miserable as they are.  If your boyfriend won't take responsibility for her own mental health, then you need to look after your own by walking away.  It's not selfish, particularly not when he has family - it's sensible.

This is the truth.... You can't make another person do anything.  Also many people suffer from mental health problems.  So it doesn't have to be a deal breaker in a relationship BUT!  And this is the important part-- a person that will not take care of themselves, whether they can't or won't doesn't really matter.  They CANNOT and ARE NOT a good partner.  

You do not want to invest your precious time with this person.  You want to be with someone that sets you free to be your own person, because they are also able to be their own person.  Take care of yourself.  Tell him, good bye. if he gets help and becomes stable to call you.  You will see how feel about him at that time.  

 

[rainbowsandroses]

21 hours ago, yo js said:

but shouldn’t i be there for him when he is feeling bad instead of leaving?

No, not in this particular case where he's bringing you down along with him.

I gather that is what you would want and need if roles were reversed.  But obviously due to how he's responding to all your efforts to help, that's not what HE needs, nor wants.

What I've learned (and I'm a bit older than you and thus have more experience), is that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all.  Essentially leave him alone.

I know that goes against what your heart tells you but as Wiseman2 said, it's suffocating and will most likely result in the exact opposite of what you want to happen.  

He will distance himself further leaving you even more confused and hurt.  This is true whether there are mental issues or not. 

Leave him be.  He's a big boy, trust that HE will figure this out himself IF he wants to including continuing his relationship with you which he may not. 

I'm sorry.