Dates from Meetup

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

In other words same sh*t, different day.  😆

Sure, some of it was like that.  It was hard and frustrating and I did it only because of my specific goals.  Otherwise I personally wouldn't have bothered.

[lostandhurt]

7 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Right, typically I see women travel in pairs or groups to these kinds of events.  As you said, it's rare to see ladies alone but it happens. 

This is very common but not that big of a hurdle.  Women feel safe in pairs so they are more likely to open up and talk to you more.  What you want to do when you catch their eye is read the signal.  If they smile back and look at each other then walk up to them both and talk to them BOTH.  Do not single out either one at first.  If you are interested in both of them see who is more engaging with you and then turn your shoulders more towards her as you continue to ask questions about them and chat.

 If you are only interested in one of them then you need to slowly turn towards her and ask her more questions and engage with her more. 

 Now if you smile as you look their way and they give you that quick no teeth little smile then look away don't even bother. 

 Watching other men that seem to be doing okay with the ladies is a good idea too.  Be brave and remember rejection is not fatal.

 What do you say when you seem to have a connection and want to ask for their number?

 Lost

[BeaTlesFan77]

55 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

This is very common but not that big of a hurdle.  Women feel safe in pairs so they are more likely to open up and talk to you more.  What you want to do when you catch their eye is read the signal.  If they smile back and look at each other then walk up to them both and talk to them BOTH.  Do not single out either one at first.  If you are interested in both of them see who is more engaging with you and then turn your shoulders more towards her as you continue to ask questions about them and chat.

 If you are only interested in one of them then you need to slowly turn towards her and ask her more questions and engage with her more. 

 Now if you smile as you look their way and they give you that quick no teeth little smile then look away don't even bother. 

 Watching other men that seem to be doing okay with the ladies is a good idea too.  Be brave and remember rejection is not fatal.

 What do you say when you seem to have a connection and want to ask for their number?

 Lost

Thanks for the tips Lost!  The last time I had an engaging talk with someone at a singles event, I told her that I wanted to continue the conversation and handed my phone to her.  To which she did put her number in.  She responded when I texted her that it was great meeting her and hoped she got home safely.  After that, she never answered my call or any other follow-up texts.  I wasn't sending her multiple messages or making multiple call attempts each day.  So I figured I had been ghosted and moved on. This was around Nov. or Dec. of last year.  Now that I will be attending these Thursday mingles each week, I will have more opportunities to practice.  Before this, I would go out alone all the time and there would never be anyone available to approach.  They were always coupled up or if they were alone they put off this body language that they didn't want to be bothered.  Gets very frustrating. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Sure, some of it was like that.  It was hard and frustrating and I did it only because of my specific goals.  Otherwise I personally wouldn't have bothered.

Well, from everything I have read about your experiences over time, you have inspired me to keep going. 

[lostandhurt]

Sounds like you are doing great so keep it up.  Transitioning from chatting to asking for their number can be tricky.  "I have really enjoyed talking to, would you like to meet for coffee sometime so we can get to know each other better?"   if they say yes  "Here is my number, reach out and we can figure out a place and time"

  While you are sitting day dreaming at work think up canned responses and questions for just such occasions and run them trough your head so they are right there at the tip of your tongue when you need them.

 You really sound like you are doing very well so good on you.

 Lost

[BeaTlesFan77]

39 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Sounds like you are doing great so keep it up.  Transitioning from chatting to asking for their number can be tricky.  "I have really enjoyed talking to, would you like to meet for coffee sometime so we can get to know each other better?"   if they say yes  "Here is my number, reach out and we can figure out a place and time"

  While you are sitting day dreaming at work think up canned responses and questions for just such occasions and run them trough your head so they are right there at the tip of your tongue when you need them.

 You really sound like you are doing very well so good on you.

 Lost

Are you writing your number on something and giving it to her or are you entering it into her phone?  Thank you for your encouragement and kind words Lost. 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Well, from everything I have read about your experiences over time, you have inspired me to keep going. 

I'm really glad. There are no guarantees -I did not expect any.  Even my marriage now is not a guarantee, right? And we're soon going to be married 15 years and I met him 29 years ago.  I do feel I can relate given all my years in the trenches.  And I absolutely went over to men and spoke to them at singles events, volunteer work, etc but I am socially adventurous/brave so I get how much more risky it feels for a shyer person.  I crossed a crowded conference room to greet my future husband.  I went over to a very successful, ambitious older man after a work meeting where he introduced himself knowing

I wanted to work with him -he became my mentor for 10 years at work and basically made my career what it was- and we're still in touch since 2008 -not dating but- not far off as far as risks IMO.  I was the only junior person at that meeting who did that.  Honestly you gotta be in it to win it.  It's really hard but to me it's the only way (and again no guarantees).

[lostandhurt]

18 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Are you writing your number on something and giving it to her or are you entering it into her phone?  Thank you for your encouragement and kind words Lost. 

It depends but you do not want to have your number written down in your pocket like you are giving it out like candy.  I usually just say let me give you my number and then see what she says or does.  If she reaches for her phone then I give her my number, if she hesitates or looks like she doesn't know what to say then I will say "let me find something to write on"  I don't want this to sound like it will but I am usually the one getting the phone number either by them handing me a piece of paper or them offering their number or flat out asking for mine.  I have been incredibly lucky over the years I guess.  Once you get more relaxed and can read their body language better it happens more naturally because they are as into you as you are them.  If you are chatting a woman up that is just being polite then she isn't going too call you no matter how the number is received. The key is seeing that and cutting the convo short so you can chat someone else up that might be into you.

 I have seen guys offer their business cards with their cell on it which seems a little more natural. 

Lost

[BeaTlesFan77]

Well, I went to another event last night and didn’t meet anyone.  Being 46 made it difficult as it seemed like most of the people there were in their 20s or early 30s.  The one I went to last week, there was a little bit more of a mixed bag.  Just have to chalk this one up to experience and look to the next one.

On the bright side, I got to see a new place and had an alcoholic cider I never had before. Blood orange flavored. Looking back now, I wish I had also tried the food.  They did have some delicious things on the menu.  However, I was disappointed and didn’t feel like eating at the time.  

[Starlight925]

Are on dating sites?

[BeaTlesFan77]

4 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

Are on dating sites?

At this time I'm not on any.  However, I am thinking about trying it again and adding it to my repertoire.  Have you used them too?

[boltnrun]

I joined a meetup group specifically for singles in their 30s and 40s.  The only reason I'm not still in that group is I moved 300 miles away.  It was a great group too. 

[lostandhurt]

11 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Well, I went to another event last night and didn’t meet anyone.

You would 100% not meet anyone staying home right?  This is great that you are getting out there so each time it is more natural and relaxed.  Being totally okay going places alone and being adventurous is a good thing that will only help you in life.  You are doing great.

   You never know when it might happen but you are putting yourself in a position to succeed for sure.

  Lost

[BeaTlesFan77]

2 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

You would 100% not meet anyone staying home right?  This is great that you are getting out there so each time it is more natural and relaxed.  Being totally okay going places alone and being adventurous is a good thing that will only help you in life.  You are doing great.

   You never know when it might happen but you are putting yourself in a position to succeed for sure.

  Lost

You're right, nothing happens when you sit at home and be a couch potato.  I was disappointed the other night but realized this is still a great thing for me to be doing.  Getting out there and being adventurous like you said.  I need to continue and can't quit. 

Was there a time you were going out alone and facing frustration?  How did you feel seeing other couples around you?

[BeaTlesFan77]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I joined a meetup group specifically for singles in their 30s and 40s.  The only reason I'm not still in that group is I moved 300 miles away.  It was a great group too. 

I'm presuming it wasn't cliquish and people put their phones away? 

[lostandhurt]

24 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Was there a time you were going out alone and facing frustration?  How did you feel seeing other couples around you?

Absolutely!  Especially when you see a couple and you are way better looking than her date and wonder how the heck did he pull that off?  Now when I see happy couples it makes me smile and feel happy that they found each other because we know just hard it can be to make that happen.

  My friends get frustrated because I do get attention from women but rarely is it the right woman for me.  I know myself and what I want in and for my life and will not settle just be to with someone. Frankly I would feel terrible pretending to be into someone just for companionship.  I don't get frustrated any longer and just roll with it.  If I do feel myself not feeling it I back off and live my life and then jump back in refreshed. I am on Match trying but haven't logged in for a few days because I want to be on there because I want to be, not because I feel I have to be.  

  Lost 

[boltnrun]

32 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

I'm presuming it wasn't cliquish and people put their phones away? 

There were a few who were clique-ish and I just didn't try to bust into those groups.  And people checked their phones periodically but no one had their heads buried in their phones.  I met a lot of nice people, both men and women.  I "sparked" with one man in particular but life kept me away from the group for a while and he ended up dating another woman he met from the group.

[BeaTlesFan77]

55 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

There were a few who were clique-ish and I just didn't try to bust into those groups.  And people checked their phones periodically but no one had their heads buried in their phones.  I met a lot of nice people, both men and women.  I "sparked" with one man in particular but life kept me away from the group for a while and he ended up dating another woman he met from the group.

I remember going to a couple of events where there was a group of people that just had their face buried in their phones. It was just ridiculous and I wondered why they even made the effort to show up.  

[BeaTlesFan77]

45 minutes ago, JennyLetty said:

Definitely hasn't happened to me, but some of the replies here are so wholesome ❤️

What have you been trying or are you in a relationship now?  

[BeaTlesFan77]

I'm thinking of moving this thread into a new journal.  Nothing happened last week with any events.  Last Thursday ended up getting sick from a restaurant my mother and I tried the previous evening.  Will never be setting foot in that place again!  Feeling like myself again now thank goodness. 

Currenty awaiting an announcement regarding the event for this Thursday.  Outside of that I'll be doing some shopping this evening depending on how I feel.  Tomorrow night going to the bar for a game.  Wednesday going to dinner with my mother.  Friday and Saturday are up in the air at this point.

Hope you all had a great weekend.  😀