Dates from Meetup

[BeaTlesFan77]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

The best way is through friends when hanging out with them/going to parties.

That sounds wonderful. However, I don’t have any friends that go to parties. If they did, they would not have told me about it.  😆

[BeaTlesFan77]

Quote

 

Good afternoon three months later! Nothing ever happened with the group I was with around the time of my last message.  I ended up leaving it after a month and a half or so.  It was very clique-ish and became expensive as the events were mostly held at upscale restaurants that weren't easy on the wallet.  After taking a few months off (which included a relaxing vacation and the first in five years), I have decided to try putting myself out there again. 

Tonight, I'm going to another singles mixer through Meetup organized by the group that does the Pair Ring.  However, you don't need the ring to attend.  Just going to go in with no expectations and try just having fun with whatever conversations I do have.  Hopefully, our voices won't get drowned out by loud music.  It's not at your typical bar.  Did a little bit of research which stated that 10 to 15 minutes should be the ideal conversation time frame.  Then move on to someone else.  Unless each person is fully interested in the other.  One thing they did not touch on in the articles was regarding having an interest in multiple people.  So my question is, is it better to get phone numbers while talking to potential dates or after you have talked to everyone and then circle back to each of them later?  I've always been under the notion that you are only allowed one contact per event.  Is this a myth?  

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Tonight, I'm going to another singles mixer through Meetup organized by the group that does the Pair Ring.  However, you don't need the ring to attend.  Just going to go in with no expectations and try just having fun with whatever conversations I do have.  

Is it similar to speed dating? Sounds like fun. Sure, if you want to ask for contact info, go ahead. Seems like that's what people are there for. Have fun! 

[BeaTlesFan77]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is it similar to speed dating? Sounds like fun. Sure, if you want to ask for contact info, go ahead. Seems like that's what people are there for. Have fun! 

It’s not a speed dating event thank goodness!  It’s basically an open courtyard where people will be mingling. Thank you and will do. 

[Batya33]

I’d ask right away. So you don’t miss the opportunity.  Have fun!

[BeaTlesFan77]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I’d ask right away. So you don’t miss the opportunity.  Have fun!

That's what I was looking for.  Thanks Batya! 

[BeaTlesFan77]

Just got back from the event. Didn’t talk to or meet anyone this time.  Everyone I was interested in was either with a friend or already talking to someone else. From what I understand, this particular organization is having these events every Thursday evening. So I am planning on going to another one and trying again next week. Then take what I learned from tonight and apply it to the next one.  On the bright side, I had a delicious apple pie à la mode flavored beer and got a free car wash on the way home from raining.

So my question this time, if I see someone I am interested in and she is with a friend, how would I go about opening up the conversation with the two (or more) of them?  Ladies, what would you prefer us guys who are alone do?  

Thanks again for your input. 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Just got back from the event. Didn’t talk to or meet anyone this time.  Everyone I was interested in was either with a friend or already talking to someone else. From what I understand, this particular organization is having these events every Thursday evening. So I am planning on going to another one and trying again next week. Then take what I learned from tonight and apply it to the next one.  On the bright side, I had a delicious apple pie à la mode flavored beer and got a free car wash on the way home from raining.

So my question this time, if I see someone I am interested in and she is with a friend, how would I go about opening up the conversation with the two (or more) of them?  Ladies, what would you prefer us guys who are alone do?  

Thanks again for your input. 

I think it's great you plan to return! I met a long time friend and date that way. He approached us (I've known her since I was 12!) and literally just said to me "hi, how are you" in a very normal pleasant way -I think I had briefly turned my body away from my friend.  It was an event at a bar for singles.  Then we all spoke and my friend took me aside and said -it's all fine -he prefers you".  We ended up going on a number of dates over the years and were in touch for well over 10 years after that! I always remembered how normal he was in his approach - it smoothed things over to have a conversation.  You're supposed to mingle at meetups, right? So it's not creepy.

[BeaTlesFan77]

On 12/1/2023 at 4:18 AM, Batya33 said:

I think it's great you plan to return! I met a long time friend and date that way. He approached us (I've known her since I was 12!) and literally just said to me "hi, how are you" in a very normal pleasant way -I think I had briefly turned my body away from my friend.  It was an event at a bar for singles.  Then we all spoke and my friend took me aside and said -it's all fine -he prefers you".  We ended up going on a number of dates over the years and were in touch for well over 10 years after that! I always remembered how normal he was in his approach - it smoothed things over to have a conversation.  You're supposed to mingle at meetups, right? So it's not creepy.

That is a great way to look at it. Especially if it is at a mingling event.  The goal there is to be social and it shouldn’t come off as being creepy. Also easier at the same time. That night did your friend end up leaving the two of you alone after she said it was fine that he prefers you?  
 

I am already signed up for the one this coming Thursday.  Going to be at a different venue.  So we’ll see what happens this time.  

[MrMan1983]

I went to one last week with a mate of mine in a local city, it was good fun. Didn't turn out very lucrative on the dating front (mainly people out of my age range) however was nice to get out and meet new people if anything so not a wasted journey. Ironically though there were a lot more single ladies in the pub we went to around the corner after 😂

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

That is a great way to look at it. Especially if it is at a mingling event.  The goal there is to be social and it shouldn’t come off as being creepy. Also easier at the same time. That night did your friend end up leaving the two of you alone after she said it was fine that he prefers you?  
 

I am already signed up for the one this coming Thursday.  Going to be at a different venue.  So we’ll see what happens this time.  

This was 1989 -I think we all talked -then he took me aside and asked for my number and called me to ask me out for a date.  I didn't really need to be alone and I feel like we didn't dance that night maybe? Also I went with this friend often and the deal was -we separated/left each other alone ASAP as appropriate.  

[BeaTlesFan77]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

This was 1989 -I think we all talked -then he took me aside and asked for my number and called me to ask me out for a date.  I didn't really need to be alone and I feel like we didn't dance that night maybe? Also I went with this friend often and the deal was -we separated/left each other alone ASAP as appropriate.  

Much simpler time wasn’t it in 1989? Before all of the OLD games and swiping. You talked to someone in person and gained interest, he called, and then went out on a date.  That’s a great deal that you had set up with your friend.  You were there for support and then you had your time with a potential date when needed. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

4 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

I went to one last week with a mate of mine in a local city, it was good fun. Didn't turn out very lucrative on the dating front (mainly people out of my age range) however was nice to get out and meet new people if anything so not a wasted journey. Ironically though there were a lot more single ladies in the pub we went to around the corner after 😂

Exactly. That was the thought I had about the other night.  Didn’t get to meet anyone, but it was great to experience a new venue and beer.  Did anything happen at the pub around the corner?

[Batya33]

19 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Much simpler time wasn’t it in 1989? Before all of the OLD games and swiping. You talked to someone in person and gained interest, he called, and then went out on a date.  That’s a great deal that you had set up with your friend.  You were there for support and then you had your time with a potential date when needed. 

Not at all. I did personal ads and many blind dates. And many many events and activities etc.  I didn’t play games on OLD. I used it as a way to meet people in person. From around 2000-2005. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Not at all. I did personal ads and many blind dates. And many many events and activities etc.  I didn’t play games on OLD. I used it as a way to meet people in person. From around 2000-2005. 

Great point with personal ads and blind dating. I was just saying nowadays in general with online dating and swiping. The Internet was better during that time frame with regards to OLD. 

[Starlight925]

The biggest issue with using Meetups to date is the fact that you may really enjoy the group itself, and if you date from it, it can become awkward if it doesn’t work out, plus it shuts you off to other possibilities, as you become known as in a relationship.

I went to a Meetup 2 weeks ago where this very thing happened.  In this case, the guy is still going, but his now ex-girlfriend now feels too awkward.  Plus, since their relationship took place within the group, a lot of people know the details. 
 
I overheard  a longtime member of this Meetup saying she warned them when they started dating, as she’s seen it so many times.

This was my first encounter at this particular Meetup, and I really liked it!   But I’m going through exactly what I’m speaking of, as I accepted a date with someone who apparently is “the guy who asks out all the new girls”.  He hasn’t called me again, despite all the “I had a great time, let’s do this again” talk.  
So now, I’m the one who feels awkward, like he was there first, and I just feel like I want to leave the Meetup.  I kick myself for accepting the date. 
 

Not to discourage you, but just offering a different perspective. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

10 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

The biggest issue with using Meetups to date is the fact that you may really enjoy the group itself, and if you date from it, it can become awkward if it doesn’t work out, plus it shuts you off to other possibilities, as you become known as in a relationship.

I went to a Meetup 2 weeks ago where this very thing happened.  In this case, the guy is still going, but his now ex-girlfriend now feels too awkward.  Plus, since their relationship took place within the group, a lot of people know the details. 
 
I overheard  a longtime member of this Meetup saying she warned them when they started dating, as she’s seen it so many times.

This was my first encounter at this particular Meetup, and I really liked it!   But I’m going through exactly what I’m speaking of, as I accepted a date with someone who apparently is “the guy who asks out all the new girls”.  He hasn’t called me again, despite all the “I had a great time, let’s do this again” talk.  
So now, I’m the one who feels awkward, like he was there first, and I just feel like I want to leave the Meetup.  I kick myself for accepting the date. 
 

Not to discourage you, but just offering a different perspective. 

Yeah you’re right. It’s just like dating in the workplace the way you described it. I’m actually starting to back away from Meetup as most of the stuff I am interested in no longer has a group associated with it. Hobby related ones. Another thing that’s getting annoying with those groups is how people start dropping off as the event gets closer. I would rather meet someone where the chances of seeing them again are low if things don’t work out. 

[Starlight925]

I’m not saying abandon Meetups all together.  They can be really fun, as I had a great time at the one I attended.  Two really nice women who are good friends asked for my number, which to me is perfect, as that’s what I really want from it:  friendship. 
 

But great analogy to dating in the workplace. 
I’d rather meet for dating from online, so if it works out, it’s private.  If not, no harm no foul. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Great point with personal ads and blind dating. I was just saying nowadays in general with online dating and swiping. The Internet was better during that time frame with regards to OLD. 

There was no internet till the late 90s with dating sites from all I recall. There was plenty of game playing when meeting in person - just a different kind.

[lostandhurt]

When you say they are with a friend do you mean another woman?  If so they often travel in pairs or more for these types of things.  Rarely will you see a lone woman but it happens.

 

Lost

[BeaTlesFan77]

1 hour ago, Starlight925 said:

I’m not saying abandon Meetups all together.  They can be really fun, as I had a great time at the one I attended.  Two really nice women who are good friends asked for my number, which to me is perfect, as that’s what I really want from it:  friendship. 
 

But great analogy to dating in the workplace. 
I’d rather meet for dating from online, so if it works out, it’s private.  If not, no harm no foul. 

Right, if I find another interesting group, I will give it a go.  There used to be active groups for video gaming, Linux users, etc. which have stopped functioning. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

52 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

There was no internet till the late 90s with dating sites from all I recall. There was plenty of game playing when meeting in person - just a different kind.

In other words same sh*t, different day.  😆

[BeaTlesFan77]

15 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

When you say they are with a friend do you mean another woman?  If so they often travel in pairs or more for these types of things.  Rarely will you see a lone woman but it happens.

 

Lost

Right, typically I see women travel in pairs or groups to these kinds of events.  As you said, it's rare to see ladies alone but it happens. 

[MrMan1983]

5 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

Exactly. That was the thought I had about the other night.  Didn’t get to meet anyone, but it was great to experience a new venue and beer.  Did anything happen at the pub around the corner?

Nah, we had about 20 minutes then had to rush for train unfortunately! But enough time to observe. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

When you say they are with a friend do you mean another woman?  If so they often travel in pairs or more for these types of things.  Rarely will you see a lone woman but it happens.

 

Lost

I was very socially adventurous -I went to Club Med by myself and if I went with a friend to a singles event we most often separated to work the room.