Am I being selfish or is she?

[itrwtg]

My girlfriend who I live with is in the Military. I understand that her job sometimes requires travel. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with occasional business travel…even one week every thee months would be ok. Especially if it is something she is required to do for work. However, she just returned from a week long trip last week…she went on another week long trip a few months ago. She is going to have to go on another trip at the end of August. All of these I don't really have a problem with other than I will just miss her. There is another trip, where she would be going out of the country for over two weeks. I won't be able to communicate with her at all and it is going to a place that isn't so nice. This is a trip she volunteered for. I really don't want her to go. She knows that I don't want her to go and says she feels bad about it, but she claims it is a "once in a lifetime opportunity" Am I being selfish? Am I wrong to ask her not to go? I think she is traveling a lot. If I wanted to spend lots of time alone, I would still be single. She is a great person and I love her very much and I think we have a great relationship. We can talk about most anything and resolve it….except this. I also am taking her on vacation this summer also so we can spend some quality time together, just the 2 of us. I started saving the money for this before I knew about her going on all of these trips. I don't have a lot of money and I could use the cash for some "once in a lifetime" stuff of my own that could help my career too. I just feels a little one-sided…I just feel like I am always being left "in the rear with the gear". If I ask her not to go, she will cancel the trip but I can't help but think that she will resent me for it.

 

Help!

[punchy504]

sorry to say it but i would side with your girl on this- she's got to do what's right for her

 

you should also be doing all of those once in a lifetime things for yourself

[hockeyboy]

let her go.

 

if you cant handle her lifestyle then dont be with her.

[kenneth05]

sorry you're being selfish. travel is part of being in the military. you knew this. if she get's deployed somewhere for any length of time are you going to say, please don't go? that will be a request that she will have no choice but to refuse. you have to be really patient, or you need a new gal!

you asked.

good luck.

[Iceman26]

Well, if you knew about all of her traveling going into the relationship, you cant really blame anyone but yourself for being involved with someone that travels so much.

 

I don't think you are selfish, I just think you want what you can't have: your girlfriends time. Clearly, her priorities are elsewhere, and they aren't on you, so you can either adjust to her preferences or move on.

 

Good luck.

[itrwtg]

All points well taken.

 

Thanks!

[Mr Meh]

I'd agree that it's not really an issue of being selfish, but rather a difference in priorities. If you really can't handle the requirements of her job, it would probably be best for you to part. If you simply say that you can't handle it, it would be up to her whether you or her job was more important. Not an ultimatum, because those breed resentmetn, but simply a statement of fact.

[ReadyorNot]

My bf just got accepted by the Canadian Forces... I dont want him to join but he says this is his only option in life and we can build a great life together. We have been together for 5 years.. I dont want to move around and I dont want him always being gone...

 

I just dont know what to do.. I dont want to break up over it.. we have a great relationship.

[Iceman26]

There are always options; why does he feel that is his only one?

[ReadyorNot]

There are always options; why does he feel that is his only one?

 

His parents never cared about him, they never encouraged him to do well in school etc etc so he didnt. He finished highschool a year or two late and never went to College. When he met me, I encouraged him to go to college. He went to the local college I went to for Police Foundations and ended up having to drop out after the first semester. He passed 3 out of 6 courses. He has been down ever since. He was so excited when he got a job at a local dealership as a lube technician but they dont respect him there and he feels he has no chance for promotion.

 

Our friends go on about how the Canadian Forces train you for free, and how great the money is... He tells me that there is no other job out there that he would be good at. I tell him that we have never looked at college courses since Police Foundations and there is many things he would be great at. I just dont know... I cant get it through his head that he would be great at many things.. I dont think the Canadian Airforce is right for him. I certainly dont want to be moving every 5 years...

[QTpie87]

if you love her enough then you can wait for a little over 2 weeks. it's not like she'll be gone forever hun.

 

I know how you feel though, eh, I had the same problem with my ex, I hated it when he would leave, even for a few days. it really makes the relationship harder on the both of you to do that though. just hang out with friends, make plans for a few nights each week.

 

and when she gets back, you'll be happy to see her and well Idk, it's nice when you don't see them 24-7 because then you apprietiate it more.

at least that's how it works for me.

 

good luck.

hang in there.

Qtpie87

[confused74]

Does your girlfriend show you how she feels about you?

Do you both trust each other?

Do you both bond?

Just to helping you.