I am feeling lost about my brother

[Cherylyn]

On 7/14/2023 at 8:06 PM, Modify said:

Honestly, my brother and I have always been a good team. We have a lot of similar interests and we've worked very well together from supporting business ideas to playing silly video games. 

My brother usually does not have any reservations whenever he communicates. This can be a good thing because he can always appear confident when he is speaking publicly. I admire him for that. His communication really only becomes a problem internally within our families because he can sound overwhelming and unsympathetic for the wrong reasons which pushes people away.

I've always given him advice to maintain his relationships. Thankfully we do respect each other enough to listen or at least consider each other's advice.

Ironically I know I mentioned that my brother is the one refusing to talk to me right now. So I'm sure he is also feeling very hurt about our situation since he is not usually reserved about sharing his thoughts out. 

I'm sure we'll figure it out. I think I was just in a rotten state of mind from the shock of the situation. But I think it'll get better. I realize his actions do express that he does care about me. Which is where I had my moment of doubt. So I'm feeling content now actually. I hope I am not being too optimistic though heh.

Thanks. I probably do need to watch myself sounding condescending when I talk to him. I am hoping that the next time we talk, the complains we have about each other will just become friendly banter and we'll laugh it off.

The argument was about cats. But I am afraid to disclose the details to you because you are a cat feeder 🙂

@Wiseman2 @Batya33 @greendots @Cherylyn

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this situation. I appreciate all the words of wisdom, experiences, and challenges you have presented.

I realize that in my moment of doubt, it was just seriously me trying to confirm whether my brother actually still cared or appreciate me. If I reflect on it now, my doubt was actually unfounded and stupid. There was no reason for my brother to not care about me. I can excuse my brother for not "reaching out to me and giving me cold treatment". He has a different way of resolving conflicts that mean something to him. And I should really just accept that. The important thing to me is at least I can tell that he cares.

I am hoping I don't bite my words in the next few days though lol.

Since your brother refuses to talk to you right now,  give him all the time and space he needs.  The ball's in his court.  Don't do anything. 

I have siblings and I need to contort my dialogue with them in order to keep the peace.  I cannot be my true nor authentic self,  unfortunately.  I can act more natural around my husband.  However,  my siblings or mother?  They're high maintenance and my endless project.  😡  ☹️  I'm always EXTREMELY careful whenever I speak or text otherwise the 3rd world war ensues.  😠  They gaslight me to death.  😠  I basically talk about the weather or something incredibly boring which is very safe for me.  Some family relationships were not meant to be.  I go my own way and hang tough. 

You ought to try becoming more generic and superficial.  Keep your opinions to yourself.   Read your audience.  If you know there's risk for backfiring dependent on what you say,  it's better to remain silent.  Better safe than sorry.  Generally, for temperamental people,  I let them initiate any conversation and then I'll say something innocuous and again,  very boring.  It's better for people to be bored than angry.

Stop playing guessing games regarding your brother.  Be you yet keep the peace.  He'll come around eventually.  He won't change for you.  It's you who has to change by altering your behavior.  Never expect your brother nor anyone to be the type of person you want them to be.  Lower your expectations and lower your standards in people meaning you take control and you can be in the driver's seat by changing your dynamic with them.  I've done this and it was growing up overnight for me.  It's the best,  most mature way I could handle relationships (local relatives and in-laws in my case) and it's here to stay.  It works splendidly.  🤗