Super confusing friendship

[The_Lost_Soul]

I have been super close with this one girl from my campus for the past 2.5 years. She's a junior student and I'm a senior student. We met on this WhatsApp student group, and due to some common point of interest, I messaged her. We are also studying the same qualification, with the difference being I'm a senior and she's a junior.

At first whilst getting to know her, I assumed she was only befriending me so that I could help her with her studies, as I've already done all the content she is currently doing. So I was testing the waters to see if I was being used. But she literally never ever asked me for any help or even any tips or guidance. The only thing she does, is phones me after every paper to give me a post analysis of the paper.

She just wanted to know me for who I am and took an interest in me. Fast forward 2.5 years later, and we are inseparable and are best friends. There hasn't been an instance where we stopped texting for longer than 5 hours. We call all the time, share every single detail in our lives, we video call all the time, so we know how each other look. However, we unfortunately haven't met in person despite being friends for so long. This was due to COVID-19 and everything being remote learning. Furthermore, her parents are very strict when it comes to boys taking her out.

After campus resumed with face-to-face learning, we were excited to finally meet in person. However, due to my campus following a off-campus and on-campus approach. The days we were required on campus didn't align. So we took it, that fate didn't want us to meet as yet. Furthermore we both live very far from campus, so it wasn't feasible for us to go in the days we weren't required to see each other. She was pretty bumped about this, as according to her, she told me I was her only friend on campus. The rest of the people she know are just classmates and acquittances. 

Finally, last week we both were required on the same day, as we were writing exams on the same day. We both were super excited and couldn't stop talking about it. On the day of the exam, we both were just counting down the hours till we meet. We totally forgot about our exams and the main focus for the day was to see each other.

So after our exams, which both took place at different venues, as we different levels of students. We decided to meet in the cafeteria. She video called me on her entire walk to the cafeteria, because that's how excited she was to see. As soon as she saw me, she stopped the video call, and ran so fast into my arms and squeezed me and gave me the most heartfelt hug ever.

But then after that things changed, our connection and chemistry when conversing with each other was dead. I felt like I was talking to a different person than the person on WhatsApp and on the phone. Eventually she left, as her dad came to pick her up. And after that, I really didn't feel so excited or happy that I met her.

At first I assumed perhaps we both were shy and needed to meet up more often to break the ice. I expected once we both were back home, that we would talk about our meeting and perhaps explain why the conversation felt so dead. But then she ghosted me.

She hasn't spoken for the 3 days after our meeting. I messaged and she hasn't responded. This took me by surprise, that someone who couldn't have a break from talking to me, stopped talking for 3 days. 

So I knew, 3 days later, after our first attempt, we both were writing again on the same day. So I wished her luck the night before her paper, no response from her. On the day of the paper, once we both were done, I messaged her and asked if we could meet. My intention was to get answers from her, as to why she became distant after our initial meet-up. And perhaps break the ice and patch things up.

She finally responded, and said sorry we can't meet, her dad is here and she has to go home. I was disappointed but I didn't let it get to me. I responded by saying no problem, and asked her how her paper was. And she didn't respond. This was the first time in 2.5 years she hasn't had a post analysis of her exam papers with me.

Eventually, when I was going home a few hours later, I see her chilling with a group of students, a mixture of girls and boys. Having a good time and laughing and joking. So she lied to me that she was going home and didn't want to meet me. She also lied that she had no friends perhaps. She saw me and was stunned, but I continued walking and went home.

To this day, she hasn't messaged or explained anything of what happened in this past week.

I'm really confused as to how 2 individuals who were inseparable for 2 years, are suddenly complete strangers after a fifteen minute interaction in person.

Anyone has any ideas of what may have happened. I'm disappointed that she can't just be open and communicate and tell me what went wrong or what happened during our first meeting, that is making her behave like this.

Furthermore, I have no intention of messaging her to ask her anything. The last message on our chat, is my message of when I asked her how exam was that day. My solution is just to ignore her completely if she ever messages again and forget about her. Let me know what you think of my solution.

I feel totally disappointed, and also feel like the 2.5 years of  this friendship is such a waste, if it could suddenly end in a mere 15 minute meeting in person.

Thanking you all in advance for your responses.

 

[MissCanuck]

Something was different for her when you finally met in person. 

Maybe she was hoping to feel some sort of chemistry and she just didn't. It is rude of her to lie to you and ignore your messages, but she doesn't sound like the most mature person. It is going to be best to let this friendship go. 

In the future, be careful about becoming attached to someone you can't meet in person. It often creates false intimacy and sometimes leads to disappointment. 

[The_Lost_Soul]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Something was different for her when you finally met in person. 

Maybe she was hoping to feel some sort of chemistry and she just didn't. It is rude of her to lie to you and ignore your messages, but she doesn't sound like the most mature person. It is going to be best to let this friendship go. 

In the future, be careful about becoming attached to someone you can't meet in person. It often creates false intimacy and sometimes leads to disappointment. 

Thank you so much for the prompt response. I totally agree with everything you have said. Since COVID is over, I'm definitely going to go the full on in person interaction when making new friends 

[Kwothe28]

First of all I think its super weird that you were on the same campus and very close online for 2,5 years without meeting each other. You could have seen each other plenty of times in 2,5 years given that you go to school in the same place.

Second of all, lots of people dont mash up good when they meet in real life but have no problem talking online. That is the whole point of actually meeting people in real life, to see if you can spend some time together without an electronic device to communicate. She probably also felt that you were not good in person so she backed off. Rude not to at least talk to you about it and ignore you since you were so close for 2,5 years, but nothing surprises me anymore as far as online intreactions are going. 

[The_Lost_Soul]

Just now, Kwothe28 said:

First of all I think its super weird that you were on the same campus and very close online for 2,5 years without meeting each other. You could have seen each other plenty of times in 2,5 years given that you go to school in the same place.

Second of all, lots of people dont mash up good when they meet in real life but have no problem talking online. That is the whole point of actually meeting people in real life, to see if you can spend some time together without an electronic device to communicate. She probably also felt that you were not good in person so she backed off. Rude not to at least talk to you about it and ignore you since you were so close for 2,5 years, but nothing surprises me anymore as far as online intreactions are going. 

My apologies for not being clear. We met online via university WhatsApp groups. We only were back on physical campus for the past 5 months. Prior to that, 2 years of campus was all online, due to COVID-19.

But nonetheless, I agree with all you said. Thank you for your response 

[SooSad33]

23 hours ago, The_Lost_Soul said:

Anyone has any ideas of what may have happened. I'm disappointed that she can't just be open and communicate and tell me what went wrong or what happened during our first meeting, that is making her behave like this.

I think all this was, was the 'anticipation' of actually meeting in person.  And once you did, the 'thrill' was gone.

And also, now that this schooling is done, she feels free again and is doing what she wants with whomever she wants ( using her dad as an excuse).

yup, out of respect you just walk away and expect nothing more.  All be okay soon again.