What should I do?

[Marc30]

Hey together, 

I hope you guys can help me )

so there is a woman I know since over 10 years she is 28 I’m 30. we always had something together in the past. 

Since November last year we are in contact again and were actually almost a couple. We have kissed and also always had sex with each other. Then at the beginning of March, the dynamic has changed because I had said to her that everything goes a bit too fast for me and she then suddenly also said that she would like to be single for now because she also comes from a longer relationship. But we could  stay in touch and can also walk with the dogs outside but not more than that. We are until today  in contact and see each other every week, but since February there was no more kissing or sex, one time I brought up the topic and she told me, that she explained to me , that she is happy with how it is right now, as a single etc. Last week we were walking at the water with the dogs, the day after she was with me in my garden in a bikini and she also let me massage her neck there. But now I've seen yesterday that she has met with another man with whom she has sex 100%, I know this because she told me about him 2 years ago when I was in a relationship that she is seeing this guy, but she can’t be in a relationship with him, because of his life style(kinda bad boy attitude). And now I seen him with here at her place (she lives kinda next to me) The thing is  I would like to win her for me. What would you guys advise me? With me she doesn't act like she wants to have sex but rather spend some time together... I don't know if she just sees me as a normal friend, we never used to have a platonic friendship, and that’s what kind of confusing me. 
 

I hope my English is understandable, I’m from Germany. So yeah. Thank you ! 

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, Marc30 said:

 beginning of March, the dynamic has changed because I had said to her that everything goes a bit too fast for me 

Are you neighbors? Unfortunately she seems to have shifted from the FWB arrangements to putting you in the friendzone and finding new lovers.

How was it "going too fast" for you?

[Marc30]

Yes we live in the same area and when I walk with my dog, I walk past her house. 
 

It kinda felt for me a bit fast because I also just broke up with my girlfriend in the end of Oktober after 3 years of relationship. 
 

but when I told her that it’s a bit fast for me, I didn’t say that I don’t want her. There were also two weekend I was partying and didn’t reply to her text in the evening. And then the dynamic changed. 
 

I would understand if she sees me as a friend, then I would move on probably even tho I have feelings for her. But sometimes I almost feel like maybe there is a chance because she hangs out with me in my garden and let me hug her when it was body to body , massage her neck etc. idk from my experience a woman would not let a „Buddy“ touch her like that. But now since there is another guy she obviously has something with, I’m wondering if I still have a chance. Or if I should go no contact. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Marc30 said:

 I told her that it’s a bit fast for me, I didn’t say that I don’t want her. There were also two weekend I was partying and didn’t reply to her text in the evening. And then the dynamic changed. 

Unfortunately you rejected her, so she moved on. That's ok. Since you see each other in the neighborhood, be friendly and polite, but she has moved on to another more attentive available man, and that's ok.

Don't invite her to your place anymore. Simply move forward if you are ready to date. But next time don't tell women you're not ready for a relationship and blow them off because you're out partying. 

[Marc30]

I understand but she knows that I want more from her. So it kinda makes no sense. And why she hangs out with me half naked in my garden is this kinda a tactic, that if things go the wrong way with the other guy, that I’m around for her? 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Marc30 said:

 she knows that I want more from her. 

But she's with someone else because you rejected her. It makes perfect sense for her to find someone who's not afraid of relationships and who doesn't blow her off. Why can't you date other women? She seems happy with this guy, even if you like seeing her in a swimsuit.

[Marc30]

Because I catched feeling and she keeps reaching out. Which makes it not easier for me. 

[Marc30]

Plus the other detail that she told me about this guy couple month ago. And explained to me that she could never be in a serious relationship with him, because his life style doesn’t match hers. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Marc30 said:

 she could never be in a serious relationship with him, because his life style doesn’t match hers. 

It doesn't matter. She's sleeping with him, not you. That's the only thing you need to worry about. Taking care of yourself and your own needs by finding your own single available GF.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Marc30 said:

I understand but she knows that I want more from her. So it kinda makes no sense. And why she hangs out with me half naked in my garden is this kinda a tactic, that if things go the wrong way with the other guy, that I’m around for her? 

Because people move towards pleasure and away from pain - when you're in close proximity it's fun to flirt.  But she doesn't want a relationship with you and you didn't want one with her in the past -or if you did you sabotaged it by putting on the brakes after having sex with her - so it seems you two are not a good match. 

I'd avoid all heavy flirting or more with this person because it's leading you in an unhealthy path emotionally and you're assuming these are "tactics" and assuming she actually does want to be with you - rather than simply enjoying a flirtation.  You have too strong of an attraction to her to leave it as a simple flirtation.  

[Sindy_0311]

3 hours ago, Marc30 said:

because I had said to her that everything goes a bit too fast for me

Can you explain why you said that? I don’t get it… and why did you ignored her while partying? Are you sure you are really into her? 

 

3 hours ago, Marc30 said:

The thing is  I would like to win her for me.

Isn’t this all about your ego? 

Sindy 🇨🇭 

[Marc30]

Hey Sindy,

because I came out of a relationship and I kinda felt that I want things to move on in a slower pace. When I went out I was drunk and I didn’t reply. Now I don’t party anymore I only do sports and she knows that, because we often in contact. She also told me that she likes me , but since she is seeing someone else , I guess she put me in the friendzone. 
 

and to be honest , no it’s not a ego thing, it’s just that I have feelings for her and I would like to be in a relationship with her, because whenever we around each other we always have a fun time. But since march she pulled back, she meets with me almost everyday but only to walk with the dogs or sometimes hang out . But there is no dates or anything. 

[Marc30]

It just feels weird because we never used to have this platonic friendship, there was always more, and now she is sometimes with this guy were she told me , that she could never be in a relationship with. Maybe she just enjoys her single life. 

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, Marc30 said:

Hey Sindy,

because I came out of a relationship and I kinda felt that I want things to move on in a slower pace. When I went out I was drunk and I didn’t reply. Now I don’t party anymore I only do sports and she knows that, because we often in contact. She also told me that she likes me , but since she is seeing someone else , I guess she put me in the friendzone. 
 

and to be honest , no it’s not a ego thing, it’s just that I have feelings for her and I would like to be in a relationship with her, because whenever we around each other we always have a fun time. But since march she pulled back, she meets with me almost everyday but only to walk with the dogs or sometimes hang out . But there is no dates or anything. 

Do you think she knows what you want from her? I mean if a guy starts to slow down while dating or being in a relationship I assume he isn’t ready or not that into me. 
maybe time to display your cards before she gets something serious with the other guy. Could be she is waiting for you to make a real move. And I don’t mean by that walk with the dogs. I mean something like invite her out to diner and confess your feelings… 

After all, you don’t really know what’s going on between her and this guy.

[Marc30]

I do think she knows that I want more. The question is, is it good to maybe walk with her with the dog, and then tell her how I feel? So I at least have an answer to my questions? 
 

i do know for sure that they have something with each other. But I don’t think they are a couple. Because if they would be together, she would stop contact completely. 

[Sindy_0311]

2 minutes ago, Marc30 said:

I do think she knows that I want more. The question is, is it good to maybe walk with her with the dog, and then tell her how I feel? So I at least have an answer to my questions? 
 

i do know for sure that they have something with each other. But I don’t think they are a couple. Because if they would be together, she would stop contact completely. 

I would rather invite her to do something, concert, activity or try a new restaurant. If she accepts, yet you know she might be open for more… if she declines then at least you know you have been friend-zoned… 

I would set up a more meaningful or Romantic context instead of just throwing the thing at her face while walking with the dogs. 
Don’t forget that she is seeing someone right now, so you better upgrade your game… 

[smackie9]

Sounds to me she's just playing the field, and your time on that field is done. I say it's time to move on. 

[Marc30]

Another example: 

yesterday I ended the conversation she didn’t text anymore. Just now I received again a message from her saying „hello“ and replied with a „hey“ and then she is online but doesn’t write anymore. Is this some sort of game ? 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Marc30 said:

Another example: 

yesterday I ended the conversation she didn’t text anymore. Just now I received again a message from her saying „hello“ and replied with a „hey“ and then she is online but doesn’t write anymore. Is this some sort of game ? 

I'd take the direct approach as Sindy suggested otherwise you're playing a sort of game as well.

[Andrina]

She's not a yo-yo who you can release when you want to sow your wild oats, and then reel her back in as soon as someone else has found who you "toyed" with to be interesting. 

You've learned the consequences of your behavior.

Sure, have your talk and get everything out in the open. If I were her, I'd see you as high-risk dating material, as past recent behavior predicts present and future behavior. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Marc30 said:

 I received again a message from her saying „hello“ and replied with a „hey“ and then she is online but doesn’t write anymore. Is this some sort of game ? 

It seems sort of silly at best.  Why not get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting interested women. That's a better way to occupy your time than hello hey. 

[Cherylyn]

You're back to friend status.  Continue walking dogs together.  🚶‍♂️ 🚶‍♀️ 🐶 🐕