Batya33 Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 7 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: I spied in them If you don't trust him why are you dating him? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 17 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: I spied in them Do you all work in the same place? How did it come about that you were present when they had this conversation? Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 20, 2023 Author Share Posted April 20, 2023 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you all work in the same place? How did it come about that you were present when they had this conversation? Yes we work at the same place. I sawbhim leave and followed him and I saw her and he said hi to her and I stood and overheard Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 13 hours ago, Merrilsilverste said: My new boyfriend is unwilling to tell this one girl he wanted to hook up with How long have you been dating? How do you know he wants to hook up with her? Were they friends or FWB before you started working there? How long have you all worked there? Do you know her personally? Why would she even bother asking about his relationship status? Why are they walking out to their cars together while you're lurking in the background? Why would she be "suspicious" of anything, but you're the one spying to figure out what's going on? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 You know an awful lot for someone who’s apparently overheard them talking once. 3 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 14 hours ago, Merrilsilverste said: but she didn't hook up with him that he is with me. She has asked him several times but he never gives a straightforward response .She also offered to stop talking to him multiple times if he's not single but he does not agree to it. She has feelings for him and he knows that. How do you know what they feel and think and did and what they regularly talk about.? Is it possible you're the FWB and worried about someone else at work and trying to get a different perspective? 1 1 Link to comment
Jaunty Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 I think you need to forget about "why" he does whatever and worry about your own behavior. Why do YOU choose to be with a man who is doing this? What's the importance of 'why' he does it? Why are you sneaking around and eavesdropping on people at your workplace? Why / how do you know what this woman is thinking and feeling? You also seem to know the details of all kinds of interactions he has with his colleagues and different conversations with the woman. To answer your question: He likes her. He wants to date her. He is not really your boyfriend, especially if he feels comfortable enough to have intimate conversations with this woman at work while YOU (supposedly his girlfriend) are standing close enough to the two of them to hear every word they are speaking to each other. Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 20, 2023 Author Share Posted April 20, 2023 5 hours ago, Jaunty said: I think you need to forget about "why" he does whatever and worry about your own behavior. Why do YOU choose to be with a man who is doing this? What's the importance of 'why' he does it? Why are you sneaking around and eavesdropping on people at your workplace? Why / how do you know what this woman is thinking and feeling? You also seem to know the details of all kinds of interactions he has with his colleagues and different conversations with the woman. To answer your question: He likes her. He wants to date her. He is not really your boyfriend, especially if he feels comfortable enough to have intimate conversations with this woman at work while YOU (supposedly his girlfriend) are standing close enough to the two of them to hear every word they are speaking to each other. If he wants to date her then why is he refusing a relationship with her then? Link to comment
bluecastle Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 Most everyone who comes to this site with a question has an answer that they're hoping to get back. My sense, judging from your replies here, is that you were hoping a handful of internet strangers would tell you that you have nothing to worry about, that he sounds like a great guy who is super into you. Is that accurate? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 45 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: If he wants to date her then why is he refusing a relationship with her then? He doesn't want to take her out on dates. He wants to get into her pants. Are you OK with involving yourself with a guy who is actively trying to have sex with another woman? And yes, he wants her to think he's single so he can bang her. There's literally no other reason. Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 20, 2023 Author Share Posted April 20, 2023 1 hour ago, boltnrun said: He doesn't want to take her out on dates. He wants to get into her pants. Are you OK with involving yourself with a guy who is actively trying to have sex with another woman? And yes, he wants her to think he's single so he can bang her. There's literally no other reason. Its been 2 years and she hasn't put out Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 Just now, Merrilsilverste said: Its been 2 years and she hasn't put out What does that have to do with anything? He wants to have sex with her and is hiding his relationship with you from her so she'll think he's single and available to her. Why is that OK with you? Link to comment
bluecastle Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 What are you hoping to gain from this thread? I ask this earnestly. As is, it seems you're content with the way things are. Maybe you feel somewhat superior over this woman, since he's "with" you while she wants him, and the juice of that little high is enough to shrug off the fact that he is acting in a heroically shady manner? I asked you once: Before you were involved with him, was this what you were hoping for from a relationship? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Is it possible you're the FWB and worried about someone else at work and trying to get a different perspective? This is my take, too. OP knows too much about this other woman their private interactions. 1 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 9 hours ago, Merrilsilverste said: Its been 2 years and she hasn't put out How long have you been dating? Did your new BF tell you this or did the FWB tell you this? How do you know what they were up to for the last 2 years? Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 21, 2023 Author Share Posted April 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating? Did your new BF tell you this or did the FWB tell you this? How do you know what they were up to for the last 2 years? We were students at the same college and we still study here Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 21, 2023 Author Share Posted April 21, 2023 11 hours ago, boltnrun said: What does that have to do with anything? He wants to have sex with her and is hiding his relationship with you from her so she'll think he's single and available to her. Why is that OK with you? But he isn't saying he is single? Evasive answers are a sign that he isn't available and he always gives these type of answers or once he said my relationship is dead Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 50 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: But he isn't saying he is single? Evasive answers are a sign that he isn't available and he always gives these type of answers or once he said my relationship is dead He is single -he's not engaged or married to you and whatever he told you is just a label to him or he believes you are ok with him flirting with a woman who is interested in dating him. And you don't believe he is committed to you otherwise you wouldn't be spying on him. He's not being evasive -he's being very up front with her that he would be available for sex with her if she was up for it. He doesn't have to say he's single or that he's in a relationship -because even if he told her about you he's still acting and showing her that he is available to have sex with her. By continuing to hang around with her he's hoping she'll give in eventually. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Merrilsilverste said: once he said my relationship is dead Who did he say this to? Which relationship was he referring to? If you know this woman as a classmate and coworker, why not tell her yourself that so-and-so is your BF? 1 Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 21, 2023 Author Share Posted April 21, 2023 44 minutes ago, Batya33 said: He is single -he's not engaged or married to you and whatever he told you is just a label to him or he believes you are ok with him flirting with a woman who is interested in dating him. And you don't believe he is committed to you otherwise you wouldn't be spying on him. He's not being evasive -he's being very up front with her that he would be available for sex with her if she was up for it. He doesn't have to say he's single or that he's in a relationship -because even if he told her about you he's still acting and showing her that he is available to have sex with her. By continuing to hang around with her he's hoping she'll give in eventually. How is he single??? He's not saying it straightforward that "yes i have a gf and its dont want to talk to you "so it's an ambiguous response? It is almost a sign that he is with someone but is not telling her. If hes not going to go out with her then they can never have sex because they can't be having sex on the streets ? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 30 minutes ago, Merrilsilverste said: It is almost a sign that he is with someone but is not telling her. Who is he "with" and who is he not telling? It's somewhat confusing because you're telling the story from the perspective of both the GF and the FWB. What, exactly would you like him to do or say? Why not speak to him about where you stand? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Merrilsilverste said: How is he single??? He's not saying it straightforward that "yes i have a gf and its dont want to talk to you "so it's an ambiguous response? It is almost a sign that he is with someone but is not telling her. If hes not going to go out with her then they can never have sex because they can't be having sex on the streets ? You don't "go out" to have sex lol. You go to his place or her place or get a hotel room or do it in a car. What reasons do you tell yourself for why he won't just flat out tell her he's in a relationship with you? IS he in a relationship with you? 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 21, 2023 Share Posted April 21, 2023 1 hour ago, Merrilsilverste said: How is he single??? He's not saying it straightforward that "yes i have a gf and its dont want to talk to you "so it's an ambiguous response? It is almost a sign that he is with someone but is not telling her. If hes not going to go out with her then they can never have sex because they can't be having sex on the streets ? He is single technically -you two aren't married or engaged. Have you discussed what it means to be dating exclusively? Have you told him you're uncomfortable with him being in close contact with someone who wants a relationship with and who he is sexually attracted to? No need to look for "signs" or analyze. Facts: he is hanging out with a woman who is interested in him. He is interested in having sex with her and would if she were willing to have a sex arrangement with him. You are spying on this man you are dating because you don't trust him around this woman. You have not been invited to get to know this woman or to be with them when they are alone together. These behaviors are not consistent with being in a committed relationship especially since you two didn't agree it's ok to hang out with people of the opposite sex who you would like to have sex with and who are attracted to you. Where there's a will there's a way. Right now she is not willing to have sex with him without a relationship. If that changes it's fairly simple to make the arrangements to have sex in a private location. Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 21, 2023 Author Share Posted April 21, 2023 44 minutes ago, boltnrun said: You don't "go out" to have sex lol. You go to his place or her place or get a hotel room or do it in a car. What reasons do you tell yourself for why he won't just flat out tell her he's in a relationship with you? IS he in a relationship with you? He doesnt have a car and she won't take him to her place. Yes he is but he's not telling her that completely. Link to comment
Merrilsilverste Posted April 21, 2023 Author Share Posted April 21, 2023 39 minutes ago, Batya33 said: He is single technically -you two aren't married or engaged. Have you discussed what it means to be dating exclusively? Have you told him you're uncomfortable with him being in close contact with someone who wants a relationship with and who he is sexually attracted to? No need to look for "signs" or analyze. Facts: he is hanging out with a woman who is interested in him. He is interested in having sex with her and would if she were willing to have a sex arrangement with him. You are spying on this man you are dating because you don't trust him around this woman. You have not been invited to get to know this woman or to be with them when they are alone together. These behaviors are not consistent with being in a committed relationship especially since you two didn't agree it's ok to hang out with people of the opposite sex who you would like to have sex with and who are attracted to you. Where there's a will there's a way. Right now she is not willing to have sex with him without a relationship. If that changes it's fairly simple to make the arrangements to have sex in a private location. But he acts like he doesn't like her and he's quite agitated with her for not sleeping with him before so why would he? Link to comment
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