PlayBrat Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Hi all..I am new here. I need some input. Briefly, been talking to a local guy I met via email for a bout 6 months. he is going through a divorce and has kids but this doesn't bother me. I like him a LOT. We have spoke on the phone and discussed meeting, but he is reluctant to meet someone via the "internet". I have been really really patient...but the last couple of months have not been good , as I am running low on patience. I am very attractiove..I have sent him dozens of pics of me , and I know what HE looks like, an d we agree there is a mutual attraction. I am thinking I need to do NC , and just cut him off altogether, and see what happens. Does this work with cyber relationships as well as in real life? I really don't know what else to do, I am just so hurt. Right now I have not mailed him for 2 days..and I am pretty much ready to just delete my screen name and forget him. Will he even miss me if I do this?? I need help!!! Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Sure it works. And it's much much easier than doing NC with someone you already know in person, especially when you have to see that person at work or school. All you have to do is add the person to your block lists, and they can't e-mail you or IM you. Easy. Here's a funny flash cartoon that illustrates the point. link removed Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 5, 2005 Author Share Posted June 5, 2005 Thanks....but is NC even effective in this kind of situation?? Thats my question. Will he even miss me??? Arrgghhhhhh!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Ok - I see a WHOLE different problem. You say that he is local, yet, he has avoided meeting you for 6 months. Bad sign. Really really bad. I've met several men online, and they all asked me out from a few days to a few weeks (the longest one took a month). When a guy, or anyone, actually, is serious about meeting you in person, they suggest a date early on. Like you said, you have suggested meeting him several time, but he declines. 6 months is not normal, especially since he is local. If he really didn't want to meet someone on "the internet," then why was he there in the first place!?! I think you should stop contacting him PERIOD. He's not interested in you romantically. Perhaps as an online-buddy he is, but he clearly doesn't want to meet in person. My guesses? He doesn't look anything like his photo, or because he's still married, and didn't want to tell you. Cut your losses and move on. Good luck. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 That's a question you'll have answered once you initiate it. If you like, you can not add him to your block list and just doesn't reply to his e-mails. If he keeps e-mailing you, you'll know he misses you. You have to be strong and not reply to his e-mails though! Not for a while at least... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Or he could just be missing his e-mail buddy. I think that the most telling thing is that he hasn't asked you out on a date for 6 months. There's a general "rule" out there, and I swear it is true. If a man contacts you online, and he wants to meet, he will ask you out within 4 e-mails or less!!! I swear - it is the truth. I have a date this week with a local guy who asked me out in the 2nd e-mail. Ok, fine, 5,6,7 e-mails. Whatever. That works too. But definitely do not let this go on for 6 months!!! I have, at times, ignored this rule, and gone on e-mailing a guy 10 times or so. And you know what...? There was always a reason he didn't ask me out earlier! I went out with a guy that waited until the 10th e-mail or so. It turns out he's moving to europe in a few months! Another guy, I asked out after 2 months of contact, and I could tell at the coffee shop, he wasn't the least bit interested in me romantically. Never heard from him again. I think your guy is a time-waster. There are tons of men that you will meet online that just like having an online buddy. Perhaps he just enjoys chatting with you. Right now, he may be too broken up about his impending divorce (if he actually IS getting a divorce) to actually go on a date with someone, even if it is just lunch or coffee. Time waster. Move on. Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 5, 2005 Author Share Posted June 5, 2005 Hey Annie!!! Thanks for the advice. I agree to a point and I have ASKED him why he is hesitant to meet. He has said he is just leery of meeting people via the internet...we met sort of by accident, after I mailed him. It started pretty innocently, so in HIS defense he was never really LOOKING for anyone online. I really have no reason the believe he is hiding anything, but the more I contact him, and he still does NOT want to meet, my self esteem takes a nose dive I know I should cut him off....but part of me wants him to make the decision to just throw caution to the wind and just meet me. I don't want him to think I am some kind of freak or that there is something wrong with me simply because of the way we met..and that's what I am beginning to believe. Will NC help ...maybe?? He is used to me ALWAYS mailing him...so maybe if I hold off will he notice I am gone?? How long should I NC? Wait for HIM to initiate something? I guess I am just afraid he will just forget me and never contact me again. I know that's silly...but it's the way I feel Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 6, 2005 Author Share Posted June 6, 2005 I decided to go ahead an initiate NC....I deleted my screen name..mainly for MY sanity, so I am not constantly checking to see if he's mailed me. I am sure it won't bother him at all..and that's even more fuel for this fire. More of a reason to stop beating a dead horse. Why am I the only one hurting about this??? I hate this...grrrrrrr!!! Maybe in a month I'll mail just to say hi or something, but right now I can't do this anymore.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Hi - The more I think of it, I think that he must have given you an old photo or something - or a photo of someone else!!! Honestly, I genuniely don't think it's you. Please don't punish yourself, or lower your self-esteem. If he e-mails you all the time, he must like you as an online buddy, but I genuninely think he has something to hide. Perhaps he isn't getting that divorce now afterall!!! Yeah... I would let him go, I mean, keep in contact with him if you like having an online buddy, but as a romantic interest, I think you should focus on someone who wants to meet you in person! Good luck! Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Annie is right - if someone is interested they want to get the ball rolling to play out the interest. Even if he was leery of meeting you from the online world - well, that is what public places and short coffee dates are for! He is using it as an excuse and my guess is he is not whom HE claimed to be, or is involved with someone else. In my online experiences, if someone is interested they ask you out within a week or two (depending on schedules). 6 months is WAY WAY WAY too long! Honestly, block him, if he does not contact you in anyway way consider it better to know now then later. If he is interested, he will find you. If he does not, there is your answer. Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 6, 2005 Author Share Posted June 6, 2005 Hey guys, thanks for the advice. I appreciate it greatly. I agree 6 months is a LONG time...believe me I didn't wait this long without giving him grief about it either. I am pretty sure it's him ...he sent me numerous pics ...but as for him NOT getting divorced that very well could be too. I guess I took it so personally because I had my heart set on it...and probably expected way too much. This is the oddest thing I have ever gone through...missing someone I have never met...although I felt like I knew him. Is that strange to anyone? I have gone as long as 2 weeks without mailing him, but never longer...so I suppose we will see how things progress. Has anyone else even dealt with this type of thing before? Am I reacting "appropriately" to what the situation was?? Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Well... you never know. Those could be photos of his younger and more handsome brother. I know what you mean - Of course you talk with someone for a while on the internet, you get to know them, and you miss them when you don't get to talk to them... I know, it's tough. But you just have to keep in mind that you don't really know a person whatsoever until you actually meet them in person. For all you know, I could be a middle-aged man. Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 6, 2005 Author Share Posted June 6, 2005 HAHAHAHAHA Annie..in THAT case should we call you "Arnie"? lol I am just feeling pretty darn foolish right now for feeling like this... but...live and learn. Life DOES go on As far as I am concerened..he doesn't deserve to know me...period. Link to comment
Angelus Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 6 months way too long or he could just be that conservative. However, that is unlikey so block him, cut him off and move on. Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 7, 2005 Author Share Posted June 7, 2005 Agreed Angelus.... He IS conservative....but 6 months is 6 months...LOL Wayyyy too long!!! He is blocked, I have cut him off... Next!!! lol Link to comment
Shenn_22 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 hello, I know this sounds stupid...but may I know what NC exactly meant? Better look dum now than be stupid all my life...*lol Link to comment
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