Feeling Hopeless with Lesbian Dating

[girltalkCA]

I'm a 49 year old lesbian, feeling very frustrated on the verge of hopeless about the dating scene and finding quality people out there. I'm on multiple dating apps, go to Meet Ups and have had several relationships that have all lasted 1-3 years and ended. I'm trying to take some time to be by myself and "date me" so that I don't repeat the same cycle of settling for the wrong woman. I've date avoidant types, bi polar...etc... My friends tell me I am a great person with a lot to offer and I feel the same way, but just haven't been able to find the right match thus far.

Does anyone have any advice or can share their stories with dating and turning things around and find healthier/more compatible matches? 

[serialmonogamist]

Hey, I applaud you for your courage even going onto dating apps and putting yourself out there in the various ways that you are. I cannot provide any helpful feedback on your question as I feel hopeless as well. I do feel though it is nothing to do with your age. In general I feel it is so hard to find the healthy good women in the world. Yes, I'm speaking from the point of view here as a person who prefers the same sex as myself. 

I'm personally tired of paying for dating apps and then having to deal with the stuff that goes on there. 

As tempting as it is, I would rather meet someone organically. I don't want to meet anyone through an app. I've been there and done that. It's just not for me. I do hope you get to meet someone healthy/mature soon. 

[girltalkCA]

5 hours ago, serialmonogamist said:

Hey, I applaud you for your courage even going onto dating apps and putting yourself out there in the various ways that you are. I cannot provide any helpful feedback on your question as I feel hopeless as well. I do feel though it is nothing to do with your age. In general I feel it is so hard to find the healthy good women in the world. Yes, I'm speaking from the point of view here as a person who prefers the same sex as myself. 

I'm personally tired of paying for dating apps and then having to deal with the stuff that goes on there. 

As tempting as it is, I would rather meet someone organically. I don't want to meet anyone through an app. I've been there and done that. It's just not for me. I do hope you get to meet someone healthy/mature soon. 

Thank you, I appreciate that. I wish you the best too in your search :)

[57tattoos]

I’m married since 2015 and together for a lil over 10 years. We met on an app after both of us had come out of failed relationships that really jaded our views on relationships as a whole. When we actually met, that was it. I knew without a doubt I want to be with her, and she with me. I’m so grateful that our reluctance didn’t manifest into isolation from romantic possibilities. You are, in my opinion, in a better position now since you have experience in what you know you don’t want and what you do. You will see red flags so much earlier than when you have in previous relationships, and you will be able to address it accordingly ie talking through it and voicing your need for change or bailing because there is no change. 😊

[sislee20]

On 12/9/2022 at 11:51 PM, girltalkCA said:

I'm a 49 year old lesbian, feeling very frustrated on the verge of hopeless about the dating scene and finding quality people out there. I'm on multiple dating apps, go to Meet Ups and have had several relationships that have all lasted 1-3 years and ended. I'm trying to take some time to be by myself and "date me" so that I don't repeat the same cycle of settling for the wrong woman. I've date avoidant types, bi polar...etc... My friends tell me I am a great person with a lot to offer and I feel the same way, but just haven't been able to find the right match thus far.

Does anyone have any advice or can share their stories with dating and turning things around and find healthier/more compatible matches? 

first off i would like to say i want to say i dont know nothing about lesbian dating but i did come across your post and wanted to say i am super proud of you for taking the time for your self, not to many  people do that and end dragging truma from one relationship to the next. i feel from reading what you said that the right woman will come across and see your worth and be truly lucky to have love her. but once again i really proud of you and wish you the best. 

[spinstermanquee]

On 12/9/2022 at 11:51 PM, girltalkCA said:

some time to be by myself and "date me" so that I don't repeat the same cycle of settling for the wrong woman

You might start by doing some reflection on *how* you got with (and settled for) the wrong woman/women.  Did they have anything in common (besides you)?  Was there a "type" involved?  Newly single?  Workaholic?  Project in progress?  Past deep traumas?  Start there and then if you think you spot any patterns, maybe talk it over with a coach or professional to get a grip on *why* you get attracted to the wrong *who.*

Then, *when* you are ready go *where* you can find those folks who are most likely check off your list of must-haves.

Your age is not an impediment, rather I think it's an advantage at this point.  You are likely motivated (hence being here in the community) to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later.  One of my favorite stories is about friends, both single and never married, who met and coupled up in their 50s.

Now I didn't exactly give you what you asked for but I hope I added another perspective.  Warm hugs to you and best wishes to find a partner that fits like a glove made just for you.