Am I being dramatic

[Fairy1111111]

I currently moved out with my best friend and it has been about 2 months. She has a boyfriend which comes over pretty frequently and does not pay any rent. Also, my boyfriend comes over only the days where my room mates boyfriend comes so I don't make my room mate feel uncomfortable. 
I consider myself as a pretty considerate person, I've been mainly doing all the cooking and cleaning. 
also, when I feel like I should give them space, I go to my room and just do my own thing. All the furnitures here are pretty much mine from my old place, but despite that I still try to ensure they are comfortable and cater to their needs.

 

But yesterday, my room mates boyfriend randomly mentioned Out of no where and was like "hey I had a great idea! What do you feel about taking turns every month one weekend where I go out so that we can all have some quality time" 

 

I just felt quiet disrespected because first of all he don't live here nor does he contribute anything towards the house. But when my boyfriend tried to talk to my room mates boyfriend, he was being very defensive saying like it's not my problem that she takes it so personal (because I went to my room because I was upset). 
 

am I being dramatic? 

[1a1a]

I think, it was a question only. 
 

Would it be beneficial to you to get some time in the house just you and your partner? Then maybe you’d be agreeable to coordinating with your housemate and her partner a little bit so you both get some alone time in the house. 
 

And if that’s not something you desire enough to go to the effort of coordinating it, politely decline. 
 

I reckon if you dig into your reaction a little bit you might find that although he did present that as a question, it landed for you as an imposition. Like this mooch who comes into my home and doesn’t pay rent is now asking me to leave it so he can get alone time. Take a breath, take a step back, observe all that has happened decide if you want to take him up on this suggestion or not and then let it go I think.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Fairy1111111 said:

 She has a boyfriend which comes over pretty frequently and does not pay any rent. , I've been mainly doing all the cooking and cleaning. 
. I feel like I should give them space.  I still try to ensure they are comfortable and cater to their needs

You need to discontinue accommodating all this. You and your roommate need some house rules. Stop all the cooking and cleaning and hiding in your room.

If you two pay rent equally you're both entitled to quiet enjoyment of the premises. You two need to get an agreement together about visitors and overnight guests. That is standard and needs to be discussed.

Speak to your roommate about this, not her BF.  Your BF shouldn't be involved in this either.

It's not appropriate for you to cook clean or shop for her or her BF nor should you be paying bills that he's increasing by staying there. Stop "catering to their needs". That's ridiculous.

Tell your roommate to stay at his place and that him camping out there is an imposition and invasion of your rights and privacy. This is between you and your roommate so don't get your BFs Involved. 

Why aren't these BFs of yours inviting you to their places? Your apartment is not a free BnB for them.

 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Fairy1111111 said:

I still try to ensure they are comfortable and cater to their needs.

Why are you doing this?

You two are friends and roomates, not mother and daughter. The two of you need to sit down alone together and outline some rules for the house. Stop behaving like her maid and personal chef. Start drawing boundaries with her and asserting yourself. 

Leave your boyfriends out of talks that should be happening between only you and her. If you two cannot come to an agreement, you need to re-consider living together. 

[catfeeder]

I found it helpful when dealing with roommates to remember why I chose them. This allowed me to put our relationship first, over and above moods or perceived slights or territorial things.

If you can avoid positioning friend as an adversary, this can avoid power struggles. You can negotiate terms where your relationship wins instead of either over the other.

If you feel that the BF visits too often, offer friend a fair trade off to cut that back. For instance, if she'll agree that each of you will visit BF's outside the home x times per week to give the other privacy (either with a BF or not), then you'll be willing to exchange something of value to her.

This is basically what her BF raised. While I agree that it wasn't his place to do so, sometimes people feel comfortable enough with us to have ideas and blurt them--so take it as a compliment instead of an offense. That works better for your own psyche, and it will serve your needs better.

Negotiation involves maturity. It's easier to do with mutual wins in mind, and it's far easier to do if you don't operate in ways that raise secret resentments, only to have those bubble up and come out sideways. 

[Batya33]

It wasn't his place to ask. If you have the sort of routine and schedule where you two could trade off having the place to yourself that might work. Please don't "cater to their needs" -you're a roommate not the maid or parent, etc.

[goddess]

Beautifully said, Wiseman!