I thought he would be over me?

[Tiffany778]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You seem to rely a great deal on generalizing about "guys" -I suggest treating people as individuals first and foremost and relying a lot less on generalizations, especially gender-based generalizaions.  You feel flattered by a man complimenting a photo of you and think that this means he is interested in you as a person? That's the kind of flirting you're looking for? 

His asking you to hang out as part of an activity he planned with friends is asking you to hang out.  It's not asking you out on a proper date he plans in advance.  So you declining was simply saying you weren't in the mood to hang out at the lounge he was already going to.

I do agree you should generalize about what a date is -just don't generalize about "men" especially based on who clicks on what photos.  A date is a one on one activity where one person asks the other to do an activity and that person wants to see or has romantic intentions.

Also practice calling people on the phone or seeing them in person and having direct clear communication instead of trying to read into signs or clicks.  It will save you a lot of time and "confusion".  Good luck!

Edited to add -I think he was mostly being casual when he asked her to come hang out at a lounge. The real problem is they're relying too much on typing.  It's harder -maybe even awkward- to talk by phone especially for um younger people but it resolves a lot of the issues in dating and you get actual information about the person you can't get from typed words or clicks.

So you do agree with why I declined right? 
 

Trust me I’m a calling type of phone girl I hate texting, In which I told him that, he said he prefers texting? 

[Tiffany778]

8 hours ago, Null said:

And when I say “take and take and take”, I mean that you’re taking up his time. You’re wasting it. 

I know that might sound a tad harsh and I don’t mean it that way, but this has been carrying on for a while. It doesn’t have to, because many people in this thread have proposed solutions for you.

I’m not ! He texts me not the other way around. Yes sometimes I might comment on his posts but full blown conversations I try to end, yet he continues the convo. So he’s taking from himself.

[Tiffany778]

6 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

He asked you out several times, you kept saying no.  He is either still interested or desperate, because he continues to bother with you.  For some bizarre reason you think this poor guy should ask you out yet again, because this time you feel like saying yes.  

I struggle to understand how you can't understand how he would feel about being rejected multiple times and why you still think he should ask again.  If you want to date this guy, it's for YOU to suggest it to him.  Are you scared he'll say no?  Welcome to HIS world.  If you refuse to ask him, then just cut this poor guy loose.  You seem to be full of your own self-importance.

He probably just bored because every time we do text he basically jokes at me so ??

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

So you do agree with why I declined right? 
 

Trust me I’m a calling type of phone girl I hate texting, In which I told him that, he said he prefers texting? 

That's fine -tell him that you're not comfortable doing all typing so if he'd like to interact with you just call.  Up to him.

[moodindigo91]

Honestly, this connection is probably gone, fizzled out. Instead of asking him if he is asking you on a date or being direct with this guy, it seems like you are expecting him to assume what it is you want from him and act accordingly. When he asked you to a lounge, you could have clarified then whether it was an invitation for a date. If you like him, I don't see why you wouldn't step up and take a more direct approach at clarifying his intention at the beginning. I think you should just try to learn from this and move on. 

[Tiffany778]

1 hour ago, moodindigo91 said:

Honestly, this connection is probably gone, fizzled out. Instead of asking him if he is asking you on a date or being direct with this guy, it seems like you are expecting him to assume what it is you want from him and act accordingly. When he asked you to a lounge, you could have clarified then whether it was an invitation for a date. If you like him, I don't see why you wouldn't step up and take a more direct approach at clarifying his intention at the beginning. I think you should just try to learn from this and move on. 

I agree about this being a learning experience. Yet if this fizzled out, then why am I a thought at all why does he keep communication with me ? 

[Tiffany778]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

That's fine -tell him that you're not comfortable doing all typing so if he'd like to interact with you just call.  Up to him.

I’m not it’s kind of a done deal for me. He can do whatever, it’s not like somethings going to come out of it.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Tiffany778 said:

I’m not it’s kind of a done deal for me.

Is it?

It seems to be taking up a lot of rent in your mind for a done deal. 

[SooSad33]

On 10/17/2022 at 7:16 PM, Tiffany778 said:

So I declined dates with this guy plenty of times even though I like him! This was like a month ago. Anyways we still text once in a while. He even wished me a happy Birthday? I never really knew what his intentions were because he does talk to me like a friend? Even before he asked me on these dates he talked to me like a friend.

He's asked you on a date - does not sound like just a 'friendship'.

You declined, plenty of times - why?  IF you simply do not see him that way, then you need to explain it to him!  Do not expect a man to just know, due to you dropping hints.

I think you two need to figure this out.  IMO, If a guy asks me out, he wants more than a basic friendship.

I have very few 'guy friends' because of this.  And if I do, is because neither of us see each other that way.

As for you thinking ' He would be over you', how can he be if your interaction is continuing?  Don't lead him on, be honest with him... Say, I like you as a friend & that's it.  If you want to be a friend, I will accept that. - Then either of you expect anything more.

[Tiffany778]

12 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

He's asked you on a date - does not sound like just a 'friendship'.

You declined, plenty of times - why?  IF you simply do not see him that way, then you need to explain it to him!  Do not expect a man to just know, due to you dropping hints.

I think you two need to figure this out.  IMO, If a guy asks me out, he wants more than a basic friendship.

I have very few 'guy friends' because of this.  And if I do, is because neither of us see each other that way.

As for you thinking ' He would be over you', how can he be if your interaction is continuing?  Don't lead him on, be honest with him... Say, I like you as a friend & that's it.  If you want to be a friend, I will accept that. - Then either of you expect anything more.

He didn’t ask me on a date he asked me to hang out. I told him why I declined them cause I was busy. Two of his “hang outs” where last minute one of them being the night before and the other one being 2 hours in advance. The third one was a couple days before. I’m not going to cancel my plans that I already have for last minute plans. He can plan something a couple days in advance that’s not hard to do. 

[Batya33]

Because texting is not an elevated form of communication- he’s not calling you he’s not trying to talk to you in person - texting is easy - it’s not this lofty form of “communication “ that should trigger this sort of reaction and intense focus by you. It’s a way to keep in loose contact in case he needs a backup - you’re at most an afterthought and since you respond it’s also good for his ego. 

[SooSad33]

12 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

He didn’t ask me on a date he asked me to hang out. I told him why I declined them cause I was busy. Two of his “hang outs” where last minute one of them being the night before and the other one being 2 hours in advance.

You said, in the beginning that he did ask you out on a few dates .." So I declined dates with this guy plenty of times even though I like him!"

So- what is it?  Is it more than just because you were 'too busy'?  

Is this with him & some other friends or just the 2 of you?  Is it's this, then is sounds like a 'date'....

Anyways, as I said, you need to be totally clear on how YOU see this with him.

You say you do like him - but as a friend, only? make sure he knows this.

 

[Tiffany778]

24 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Because texting is not an elevated form of communication- he’s not calling you he’s not trying to talk to you in person - texting is easy - it’s not this lofty form of “communication “ that should trigger this sort of reaction and intense focus by you. It’s a way to keep in loose contact in case he needs a backup - you’re at most an afterthought and since you respond it’s also good for his ego. 

I want to be a after thought to him! He congratulated me on something I replied and said “thanks” and that whole conversation turned into 4 days. Even though I was trying to end it??? So ?

[Tiffany778]

16 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

You said, in the beginning that he did ask you out on a few dates .." So I declined dates with this guy plenty of times even though I like him!"

So- what is it?  Is it more than just because you were 'too busy'?  

Is this with him & some other friends or just the 2 of you?  Is it's this, then is sounds like a 'date'....

Anyways, as I said, you need to be totally clear on how YOU see this with him.

You say you do like him - but as a friend, only? make sure he knows this.

 

Just the two of us, I think 

[Batya33]

48 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

I want to be a after thought to him! He congratulated me on something I replied and said “thanks” and that whole conversation turned into 4 days. Even though I was trying to end it??? So ?

So it takes two.  Texting buddies -easy peasy - no commitment, little effort, no planning.  You sure have an interesting way of "trying to end it" -end  what? You never dated him.  If you wanted to end contact you would have -easy peasy.

[Jaunty]

5 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

Even though I was trying to end it??? 

Are you aware that you can block a person if you don't want to continue texting with them?  Of course you are.

Are you having fun with this thread?  

[Kwothe28]

Found a meme corresponding OPs situation. You know? Because she wont call him on date but she turned him off when he called her. 😁

[Tiffany778]

42 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Found a meme corresponding OPs situation. You know? Because she wont call him on date but she turned him off when he called her. 😁

He obviously hasn’t moved on lol 

[Kwothe28]

41 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

He obviously hasn’t moved on lol 

If he is not some doormat, he will move on when somebody else comes along. So if you want something there you at least have to let him know that you are available and that you want him to take you out. Its that simple.

[Batya33]

Texting you doesn't mean he hasn't moved on. As soon as he meets someone else he'll stop texting and won't have to explain anything to the woman he wants to date who wants to date him because you never make plans or see each other in a planned way in person.  So you're a good placeholder.

[Tiffany778]

52 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

If he is not some doormat, he will move on when somebody else comes along. So if you want something there you at least have to let him know that you are available and that you want him to take you out. Its that simple.

It’s been months and he still texts me??? I don’t want anything, it’s too late 

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

It’s been months and he still texts me??? I don’t want anything, it’s too late 

Big deal.  Just texting - if you don't want anything it's simple -don't respond and/or block.  But you're not because you benefit from it -you get to tell yourself that somehow he's not "over you" yet.  Do you like that sort of attention?

[moodindigo91]

23 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

It’s been months and he still texts me??? I don’t want anything, it’s too late 

then stop texting him lol I really don't understand the purpose of this post 

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

then stop texting him lol I really don't understand the purpose of this post 

My sense is she wants to hear that he remains enamored of her, is pining away for her -will continue to do so no matter how many times she declines to hang out with him or goes on a date. 

She wants to hear that it is sooooo unusual for a person to stay in contact with another person they are attracted to but who "rejected" them so that she is a rare exception - a true gem and hot to boot - so that even a man who she spurns and turns away countless times cannot help himself but continue to text apparently in the hopes she will at least deign maybe someday to grace his presence at one of his hangouts.  

I am not sure why she would need that sort of accolade, attention, validation - but that's my sense here.  IMHO.  

[moodindigo91]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

validation

yes this was my sense - she came here for validation of some kind