Chapter 3

[dias]

I had a very awkward encounter this morning. There is a cafeteria my brother goes every morning in Atlanta and it's the only cafeteria that makes a decent coffee around here. Yesterday, I saw a new face at the counter. I am pretty certain she was new because she was so stressed when she got my order, almost panicked I would say. She was so anxious that she started talking extremely fast. Picture the typical scene in a movie when a girl starts talking very fast saying unrelated things because she is anxious. I found it extremely cute and made my day. So cute that I went back today to see her again.

She wasn't working today. I asked one of her colleagues "where is the cute girl that was working here yesterday morning". She didn't get my accent at first so she thought I called her cute and she said thanks and smiled. She saw me looking at her questionably since this is not what I said and when I repeated what I said she looked me in a very hostile manner. She replied her colleague is back again next week. I don't know what she thought those moments but I swear I thought she looked at me with hatred. I was taken aback. Needless to say, those 5 awkward seconds seemed to last forever. 

 

[dias]

On 3/21/2024 at 11:10 PM, dias said:

I went on a second date with the girl on Tinder. It went better this time at least in terms of the flow of the conversation. She is extremely smart. I give her that. Still I don't feel sexual attraction towards her. We kissed but still nothing. She said "so you are going to invite me to your house once you are back from the US??" and I replied with a hesitant yes. She was surprised. I didn't expect for her to be so direct when she didn't want to engage in any naughty conversations before and she caught me by surprise. For me to not be excited about sex is a first. 

I ceased communication with this girl. She mentioned on her profile she was ok with something temporary so I thought at least we can have a FWB type of thing for as long as it lasts. But I found her communication style so freakin rude I just couldn't handle it anymore. I knew she was abrupt, she made a couple of comments on the second date that was enough to figure out her style but last week while we were texting back and forth and exchanging voice messages she suddenly stopped replying. I texted it her the next day still no answer. Two days later she reached out again but she dismissed all the previous things I asked her/said. She mentioned she was stressed about her work etc and when I asked her more specifically why she replied "I told you on the fist date (that was one month ago), I am not going to repeat myself". Then she said she would have to join a call so she won't be available. Ok. For me, this is extremely rude, I don't even talk to my dog like this. For her it seems it's natural.

I deleted her from Whatsapp. A few days later she called me twice on my phone. I didn't answer. I really didn't want to hear from her again. She texted me if she missed something. Then a second text apologizing for being abrupt. I texted her we are on a different wavelength and we should part ways. She sent a voice message that I didn't listen to and a "take care" text. 

First time I say it's good I didn't sleep with her. She would be even more ***y than now. Plenty of victims to boss around, it hasn't to be me. 

 

[mylolita]

19 hours ago, dias said:

Hahahaha thanks 🙂

You can get past the redness if you stayed somewhere warm and sunny all year round. The skin would adapt and you would get a nice tan. I have seen British with tan. It's feasible believe me lol but you need to be under the sun all year round, a little every day. 

Yeah, a yacht next to Trump's yacht. Joking with him about the secret documents he trashed in his toilet bin lol. He has a mansion there I think. 

The only drawback of Miami is that it's very expensive. A normal beer that you would pay 7-8 dollars in a pub in Atlanta, in Miami it's 25-30 dollars (and that's not on a fancy bar). You would have to think carefully before you ask a girl to buy her a drink lol

SHOCK!🍺 

 

That is a nice small gift or a decent bouquet of flowers worth! I bet cocktails are even more ridiculous? 
 

Always been curious about America Dias but I learn more towards the deep South - wouldn’t say no to seeing some of the coast though! I always fancied Texas, Wyoming; Missouri mountains and a log cabin! That kinda thing! 
 

We had some sunshine here yesterday in the UK and, I know the stereotype is to talk about the weather but I noticed it so much yesterday it almost made me laugh! I saw three neighbours and all separately the first thing they mentioned was the weather and the weather talk went on happily for about 15 mins each neighbour between me and them 🤣 🌧️ I even said, original I know, “Great day for drying washing!” LOL! Am I 90? Yes 🤪🥂

 

Enjoy your holiday! We’re having a spring break but it’s gonna be within the UK. I really want to go up to the highlands of Scotland and do some walking with D and the kids but he’s not so keen on that idea! I have a soft spot for certain parts because I spent pretty much every childhood holiday in a caravan in the middle of nowhere near some rustic, freezing wind swept Scottish beach or chilled Loch! I think that sounds like heaven and D is more of a sun chaser like yourself - he wants a beach holiday! He loved the heatwave here last year. It nearly killed me and he thrived and was like “you call this hot?! C’MON!” 🥴

 

Sorry about the cold sounding girl by the way - dodged one there it sounds like. The corny song ‘Movin’ On Up’ my Mum used to play by M People rings out in my head! 🥲

 

x
 

 

[dias]

On 4/6/2024 at 11:30 AM, mylolita said:

SHOCK!🍺 

 

That is a nice small gift or a decent bouquet of flowers worth! I bet cocktails are even more ridiculous? 
 

yes 30-40 dollars (I include tax and 20% tip as this is the custom in the US). Everything is over-priced in Miami. I am not sure how the average person makes ends meet there. 

 

On 4/6/2024 at 11:30 AM, mylolita said:

Always been curious about America Dias but I learn more towards the deep South - wouldn’t say no to seeing some of the coast though! I always fancied Texas, Wyoming; Missouri mountains and a log cabin! That kinda thing! 
 

I think you would like it depending where you go. It's a huge country, you can certainly find a place you like. For me Southern states are the best despite the bad reputation. I wouldn't care visiting NY or California again for example or any northern states except Montana. Not my cup of tea. 

On 4/6/2024 at 11:30 AM, mylolita said:

We had some sunshine here yesterday in the UK and, I know the stereotype is to talk about the weather but I noticed it so much yesterday it almost made me laugh! I saw three neighbours and all separately the first thing they mentioned was the weather and the weather talk went on happily for about 15 mins each neighbour between me and them 🤣 🌧️ I even said, original I know, “Great day for drying washing!” LOL! Am I 90? Yes 🤪🥂

Lol Ah the weather in the UK, the only thing I can't handle.

 

On 4/6/2024 at 11:30 AM, mylolita said:

Enjoy your holiday! We’re having a spring break but it’s gonna be within the UK. I really want to go up to the highlands of Scotland and do some walking with D and the kids but he’s not so keen on that idea! I have a soft spot for certain parts because I spent pretty much every childhood holiday in a caravan in the middle of nowhere near some rustic, freezing wind swept Scottish beach or chilled Loch! I think that sounds like heaven and D is more of a sun chaser like yourself - he wants a beach holiday! He loved the heatwave here last year. It nearly killed me and he thrived and was like “you call this hot?! C’MON!” 🥴

Nice enjoy your break too 🙂 What can you do, some of us adore the sun hahaha I certainly don't complain about global warming!

[dias]

On 4/6/2024 at 11:30 AM, mylolita said:

Sorry about the cold sounding girl by the way - dodged one there it sounds like. The corny song ‘Movin’ On Up’ my Mum used to play by M People rings out in my head! 🥲

We had very different communication style. I don't like rude people. On the second date, I mentioned to her that I managed to save 6K when I was 24 at my first job which paid minimum wage because I didn't spend much and she half joked "You are stingy, aren't you?".  She "joked" apparently but you know how this is. When I paid for the dates I think it's rude to say something like this. Then talking to me like I am her employee just pissed me off. She was extremely clever (way more clever than me which is not something I say easily) and she had a very good job at the bank which might explain the bossy attitude. Or maybe her rich daddy spoiled her a lot. Regardless, if she talked like that on the first dates, imagine how she would behave in a year. 

I have a date with an American girl from California tonight. I don't expect much, she seems very cold on the texts with one word replies and a little b*tchy. She apparently would consider a date only if it's a very thoughtful one.... I told her to go to a rooftop bar at the city center, she has gone there. I tried three times. I don't get where this attitude is coming from when you are not a Victoria's secret model. There is nothing to support it. Go figure. Although from experience the attitude does not go with beauty necessarily. I have met extremely beautiful women with no attitude. 

The ones I want don't want me and the worst part is I tend to attract the b*tchy ones. Even when I was in Miami, I started a conversation with a Scandinavian woman at a bar and I knew from the first second she opened her mouth she would be the b*tchy type. And she was.

Why I can't attract the ones I like? God, what did I do to you mate and you cursed me like this???

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, dias said:

The ones I want don't want me and the worst part is I tend to attract the b*tchy ones. Even when I was in Miami, I started a conversation with a Scandinavian woman at a bar and I knew from the first second she opened her mouth she would be the b*tchy type. And she was.

All else equal in a bar environment you're more likely to attract people who have poor or no filters if they've chosen to drink a bit to excess. Less likely in a shared activity like hiking, volunteer work, salsa dancing, etc.  And if it's a bar where there are many tourists a woman who is approached might not want to get too personal with someone passing through town so cold can come across rude.  

[mylolita]

6 hours ago, dias said:

We had very different communication style. I don't like rude people. On the second date, I mentioned to her that I managed to save 6K when I was 24 at my first job which paid minimum wage because I didn't spend much and she half joked "You are stingy, aren't you?".  She "joked" apparently but you know how this is. When I paid for the dates I think it's rude to say something like this. Then talking to me like I am her employee just pissed me off. She was extremely clever (way more clever than me which is not something I say easily) and she had a very good job at the bank which might explain the bossy attitude. Or maybe her rich daddy spoiled her a lot. Regardless, if she talked like that on the first dates, imagine how she would behave in a year. 

I have a date with an American girl from California tonight. I don't expect much, she seems very cold on the texts with one word replies and a little b*tchy. She apparently would consider a date only if it's a very thoughtful one.... I told her to go to a rooftop bar at the city center, she has gone there. I tried three times. I don't get where this attitude is coming from when you are not a Victoria's secret model. There is nothing to support it. Go figure. Although from experience the attitude does not go with beauty necessarily. I have met extremely beautiful women with no attitude. 

The ones I want don't want me and the worst part is I tend to attract the b*tchy ones. Even when I was in Miami, I started a conversation with a Scandinavian woman at a bar and I knew from the first second she opened her mouth she would be the b*tchy type. And she was.

Why I can't attract the ones I like? God, what did I do to you mate and you cursed me like this???

Afternoon Dias! 
 

You do very well approaching women - so many men have great caution around it so simply, kudos, and; it sure must be a numbers game! 
 

I was having the exact same convo with my Dad yesterday. We talk non-politically correct stuff whenever we can to release steam! Anyway, we were saying how often you can judge a book by its cover, and people’s faces tend to give away a lot about their personalities. I think me and my Dad are often correct in our first impression assumptions. 
 

The b*tchy look! I think it’s a legit thing. And it’s not always the super glamorous hottie everyone envisions. Can’t put my finger on it! 
 

You know the score Dias! I really think you’ll find someone you truly click with, just takes a bit of searching really, that’s all. And, that comment in my opinion was rude. I think it says more about resourcefulness and stability and planning. In my opinion, some women want stability and savings, but on the flip side they want a lavish, heavy spending lifestyle. Not all women, but, Y’know. And some are on the look out for any sign of a guy not willing to indulge or advertise that? Maybe I’m wrong; been out of this for so long I kind of never was in it 🥲🤣 

And also Dias, places like California - I have absolutely no personal pull or interest for that at all. I think my gut reaction and feeling towards the Deep South is probably correct. I think I might fit in there, as well 🤪 

 

“Popular” places irritate me a little. It’s like our town - it’s a tourist town really, and the height of summer when the beach is swarming is my least favourite part. A chocca block beach is my idea of the seventh circle of hell! I can’t stand it! Give me the coast in Autumn, Spring… just; get the people and their 3 dogs to every person away! (I’m a total grouch in my 30s! What a wind bag!) 💼! 
 

Anyway, keep on, and enjoy your single adventures! 🌞 
 

x

[dias]

6 hours ago, dias said:

I have a date with an American girl from California tonight. I don't expect much, she seems very cold on the texts with one word replies and a little b*tchy. She apparently would consider a date only if it's a very thoughtful one.... I told her to go to a rooftop bar at the city center, she has gone there. I tried three times. I don't get where this attitude is coming from when you are not a Victoria's secret model. There is nothing to support it.

She cancelled last minute again saying she does not feel well haha. I told her if she is not interested she can tell me and she replied "yeah you know I want to take a break from dating". Yesterday evening she was fine, today she wanted to take a break. Why did she message and made me spent time on planning a "thoughtful" expensive date when she didn't want to go out in the first place only to cancel it last minute I don't get it. Good thing she wasn't in front of me because she would get slapped. 

[dias]

5 hours ago, mylolita said:

You do very well approaching women - so many men have great caution around it so simply, kudos, and; it sure must be a numbers game! 

Thanks 🙂  Although I do approach women, it is only under certain circumstances. For example for me it's easy and feels natural to start a conversation with a woman sitting on the next stool at the bar. But I am not good at going to a table where 3+ girls are sitting and chatting. I am bold enough to do it (and I have done it) but in this case it takes better sales skills than I have. You must throw a good line usually and think on your feet quite quickly which is not my strength. Of course everyone can get better with practice but you need to do this everyday which I don't since this is not my lifestyle. It would be far easier for a salesman or a barman to do it smoother than me (and most people anyway). That's why I like the bar where you sit next to one another already. 

 

[dias]

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

I was having the exact same convo with my Dad yesterday. We talk non-politically correct stuff whenever we can to release steam! Anyway, we were saying how often you can judge a book by its cover, and people’s faces tend to give away a lot about their personalities. I think me and my Dad are often correct in our first impression assumptions. 

We have to be careful to label the normal chit-chat anymore hahahaha

I agree. Sure not everything but I would say a good 50-60%. Hope I don't look like an as*hole haha. Sometimes I think I can come across as sad which is not true, it's my melancholic nature. 

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

The b*tchy look! I think it’s a legit thing.

It is as legit as it can get. The sourpuss people. 

 

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

You know the score Dias! I really think you’ll find someone you truly click with, just takes a bit of searching really, that’s all. And, that comment in my opinion was rude. I think it says more about resourcefulness and stability and planning. In my opinion, some women want stability and savings, but on the flip side they want a lavish, heavy spending lifestyle. Not all women, but, Y’know. And some are on the look out for any sign of a guy not willing to indulge or advertise that? Maybe I’m wrong; been out of this for so long I kind of never was in it 🥲🤣

I wouldn't say it's just a bit, it's more like a lot hahahahahaha

Regarding this gal, she was rude in general. Who says on a date "I told you one month ago, I won't repeat myself" when asked why she feels stressed. Despite coming from an affluent family she had no manners. Either she was simply an as*hole by nature or she was never rebuked for being rude and abrasive by her parents. I suspect some parents encourage this behavior so their kids can come across as "strong" and "bold" which is neither. It is lack of manners and basic decency. Especially on a date when someone pays for your drinks and gives you compliments, it is common sense to behave like a decent person, at least pretend only for the date. Btw, she made more money than me and she still implied that I had to pay for everything in the future too. 

 

[dias]

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

And also Dias, places like California - I have absolutely no personal pull or interest for that at all. I think my gut reaction and feeling towards the Deep South is probably correct. I think I might fit in there, as well 🤪 

 

“Popular” places irritate me a little. It’s like our town - it’s a tourist town really, and the height of summer when the beach is swarming is my least favourite part. A chocca block beach is my idea of the seventh circle of hell! I can’t stand it! Give me the coast in Autumn, Spring… just; get the people and their 3 dogs to every person away! (I’m a total grouch in my 30s! What a wind bag!) 💼! 

The deep south is like a different country. It has a really bad reputation, it's not for everyone. I liked it way more, I believe you would like it too 🙂

LOLLL

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

Anyway, keep on, and enjoy your single adventures! 🌞 

I don't want to be single anymore that's the problem. I don't want a bad company either. I feel stuck right now. 

[mylolita]

4 minutes ago, dias said:

We have to be careful to label the normal chit-chat anymore hahahaha

I agree. Sure not everything but I would say a good 50-60%. Hope I don't look like an as*hole haha. Sometimes I think I can come across as sad which is not true, it's my melancholic nature. 

It is as legit as it can get. The sourpuss people. 

 

I wouldn't say it's just a bit, it's more like a lot hahahahahaha

Regarding this gal, she was rude in general. Who says on a date "I told you one month ago, I won't repeat myself" when asked why she feels stressed. Despite coming from an affluent family she had no manners. Either she was simply an as*hole by nature or she was never rebuked for being rude and abrasive by her parents. I suspect some parents encourage this behavior so their kids can come across as "strong" and "bold" which is neither. It is lack of manners and basic decency. Especially on a date when someone pays for your drinks and gives you compliments, it is common sense to behave like a decent person, at least pretend only for the date. Btw, she made more money than me and she still implied that I had to pay for everything in the future too. 

 

The technical term for her type I think you will find is a “d*ck bag” 💼 

 

 

[mylolita]

1 minute ago, dias said:

The deep south is like a different country. It has a really bad reputation, it's not for everyone. I liked it way more, I believe you would like it too 🙂

LOLLL

I don't want to be single anymore that's the problem. I don't want a bad company either. I feel stuck right now. 

I absolutely love an underdog so it suits me down the ground! 
 

I worked in a very poncey affluent cocktail bar and managed to walk out with the most working class guy who probably ever stepped foot in there! I LIKE IT DIAS 🥲😆

 

And of course, I totally get that. I would be in your exact position, trust me Dias, I would have waited decades, I truly believe that. I suppose it’ll happen when it happens - in the meantime, you have to hang tight and roll with the punches I guess! EASIER SAID THAN DONE! I know 🎻

 

Oh and by the way! Your face to my impression Dias gives me - studious, detail orientated, disciplined, intelligent. Kind heart. I know I am biased because I have read so much of what you have put, but that’s a brief lurch reaction, trying to ignore the info I already know! 
 

I used to pen pal a girl who lived in Texas - I used to love hearing about it! Truth be told, I never seem to warm to the “popular” and “cool” places anyway. I know I’m supposed to think London is just the best but you couldn’t pay me to live there! 
 

x

[dias]

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

The b*tchy look!

The Scandinavian woman in Miami was sitting at a bar alone. She was in her late 40s. Naturally I thought Miami/alone = here to have fun. Not at all, she was just visiting some friends. She actually hated the place. Instead of having an upbeat funny conversation she spent an hour talking about how amazing the educational system in Scandinavia is compared to the US and the rest of the world and how awesome Vikings were, ruling the seas and conquering Normandy and England etc etc. On the inside I was asking myself what the heck I am doing so wrong to meet the most sourpuss person in Miami. 

Actually I approached one more woman. It was a very pretty Russian girl about 30 years old I reckon. She was sitting alone at a restaurant on the outside tables studying something. She glanced at me more than 10 times. I talked to the girl at the door about the menu etc etc to check if she would glance again and she did. I went to her table and I told her with a smile "I noticed you are sitting alone, can I buy you a drink". She said no politely. I should have played it much better. She was studying something scientific, I could have easily initiated a chat about the book but I didn't think of it right there. Rookie mistake...At least I tried, she was far too pretty to let the opportunity slide hahaha

 

[mylolita]

2 minutes ago, dias said:

The Scandinavian woman in Miami was sitting at a bar alone. She was in her late 40s. Naturally I thought Miami/alone = here to have fun. Not at all, she was just visiting some friends. She actually hated the place. Instead of having an upbeat funny conversation she spent an hour talking about how amazing the educational system in Scandinavia is compared to the US and the rest of the world and how awesome Vikings were, ruling the seas and conquering Normandy and England etc etc. On the inside I was asking myself what the heck I am doing so wrong to meet the most sourpuss person in Miami. 

Actually I approached one more woman. It was a very pretty Russian girl about 30 years old I reckon. She was sitting alone at a restaurant on the outside tables studying something. She glanced at me more than 10 times. I talked to the girl at the door about the menu etc etc to check if she would glance again and she did. I went to her table and I told her with a smile "I noticed you are sitting alone, can I buy you a drink". She said no politely. I should have played it much better. She was studying something scientific, I could have easily initiated a chat about the book but I didn't think of it right there. Rookie mistake...At least I tried, she was far too pretty to let the opportunity slide hahaha

 

Sourpuss 🤣 I think I actually might be one of them without the side dish of being a hot leggy Russian LOL!!!! 
 

Dias - you try much more than most in everything generally. I actually really admire you. Where as others are all talk, you are hardly any talk and all action! It’s admirable. Honestly it really is. 
 

I don’t want to get cynical. I have a tendency. But Y’know, so many people I meet, so many, they irritate me, we don’t get on - I hear this constant narration running alongside our interactions in my head and it’s pretty negative and scathing. I’m not proud of it, I wish I was more wholesome, but even finding true friends - it’s very hard. 
 

My take on it is - people settle a hell of a lot for so many reasons. People do it with partners and also friends. They say “this is my best friend” but it’s really like a back stabbing relationship that’s superficial and really very shallow. Same with partners or spouses. Often I think - Jesus?! Is this what they call love?! 
 

A lot of people pass the time with relationships as well. Because they don’t want to be alone - or they think “this might work out” and they are happy to plough 7 years into something they know secretly isn’t going anywhere. I don’t understand it, but it happens all the time.

 

If you want something real, and authentic - by God do I sometimes think you’re probably in the, gasp, minority! But, that is very pessimistic of me, isn’t it? And it’s Friday night, so shut up me 🤣 YA SOUR PUSS 🥴🤣🥂

 

x

[dias]

10 minutes ago, mylolita said:

If you want something real, and authentic - by God do I sometimes think you’re probably in the, gasp, minority! But, that is very pessimistic of me, isn’t it? And it’s Friday night, so shut up me 🤣 YA SOUR PUSS 🥴🤣🥂

I mean it's not pessimism unfortunately, it's always difficult to beat the odds. Like very difficult. I have never experienced this "real and authentic" like the relationship you have with your husband. I don't know how it is. I might never experience it. I guess it does not happen to everyone. All I have experienced is "meh"

 

17 minutes ago, mylolita said:

My take on it is - people settle a hell of a lot for so many reasons. People do it with partners and also friends. They say “this is my best friend” but it’s really like a back stabbing relationship that’s superficial and really very shallow. Same with partners or spouses. Often I think - Jesus?! Is this what they call love?! 

I don't want to settle but on the other hand I have to be realistic. I can't find something mutual. It's a problem. On the other hand, it's far better to be alone than having a partner who makes me miserable that I tolerate because I had "no other choice". 

Maybe one day, who knows...

Thank you for your kind words 🙂

[mylolita]

Just now, dias said:

I mean it's not pessimism unfortunately, it's always difficult to beat the odds. Like very difficult. I have never experienced this "real and authentic" like the relationship you have with your husband. I don't know how it is. I might never experience it. I guess it does not happen to everyone. All I have experienced is "meh"

 

I don't want to settle but on the other hand I have to be realistic. I can't find something mutual. It's a problem. On the other hand, it's far better to be alone than having a partner who makes me miserable that I tolerate because I had "no other choice". 

Maybe one day, who knows...

Thank you for your kind words 🙂

Don’t you worry Dias! Really - it might all happen when you least expect it!!

 

I had planned, of course, by 15, that if I didn’t meet someone who knocked my socks off and the lightening struck me twice, that I would aim to retire as a hermit girl in a run down doer upper tiny 16th century cottage, with a steep up hill stout little drive, parked maybe an old vintage car, and to write all day. And who knows, maybe in an alternative universe, that would have been my path. Maybe also my path would have been a drug addicted hooker. Many things. 
 

I was like you Dias - I wanted something real. I even just wanted a real friend. I had no real friends at that time either. I had plenty of “friends”. I saw them every weekend and we even had deep talks, but I knew they weren’t my FRIEND! Not really. And I was right because they ditched me on the most trivial stuff in the end and I ditched them because our principles, vital principles, never matched or gelled. So it was dead end from the start. And I’d known it as well. But I passed it off by telling myself “they’re school mates so I either have them or nothing the whole time” and all this kind of stuff. I see none of them now and we were in each others pockets for about 6 years at least, maybe more. 
 

By the way, as you will already know, the Happy Ever After is short of. Because what I didn’t count on or, many don’t realise is, the right person, the person who truly loves you, also won’t take your sh*t and nonsense. And they call you out and challenge you a lot. Because they want the best for you. It’s a bitter sweet pill to swallow for someone like me who just wants to ideally hear nice things and agreement and compliments and fluff and cosy cosy warm fires! 
 

You also have to know how to handle and manage conflict as well, and get out of it the other side not resentful for bitterly wounded. That’s happened a few times for us too. But generally, as bad as our fights can sometimes get, we always make up and in a true way. It’s passionate both ways. 
 

The sunset has a dip - its constant work, tending to the garden. It’s not for the faint of heart, as you know, a lot of people bail. Part of the main ingredient is really, and deeply loving each other. I think another vital part is being best friends. And another is having mutual respect and admiration for each other. And also, a more nuanced one - acknowledging and accepting the differences and flaws of the other, and actually not trying to change what they cannot change. 
 

And just, God, not being so damn serious about it! I am so guilty of this, over thinking and getting into a serious rut about stuff. It’s something I need to work on. Behind my humour is genuine frustration and problems often. 
 

No one’s perfect, we can’t accept or hope to find the perfect person as you know because, they don’t exist, and if they did, they would nauseate and bore you probably half to death!!! 
 

You’re still young remember Dias. Most men’s prime dating time is between the ages of 30 and 40. (Let me just, get my bullet proof on after that comment… 🤣) 

 

I often find my inner voice urging me to take stock, look around, and be grateful. I have this awful thought that my husband could die next year, or even in 5. I could. And heaven help me any thoughts about the kids. At the moment, for me, for you - life is very good indeed. So you need the cherry on top? That’s okay. Don’t worry.

 

Honestly, that corny old tripe advice about being yourself? I think that’s solid gold. Because being yourself is EXTREMELY hard. Almost impossible to do at times. But the secret is, if you can be as much as yourself as you have courage for, when you meet people, they will love or hate you for actually you - not a mask or a pretend polite version you might present to garner approval. We’ve all been there. 
 

I think be yourself is the best advice I ever heard for anything, all the time. The simplest, most overlooked - but actually most noble and hard to achieve.

 

You’ll attract people who want you for you when you do that. Like the sour puss - good, she revealed that comment because you told something honest about yourself, the saving diligent part. She didn’t like it? That’s good! NEXT! Your time was not wasted! Imagine if you’d done what so many people do and meet her, try gauge what she might like to hear and played a little part to get her on side? 
 

You’re doing the right thing! 
 

You’ll wish you were single again once you’re 10 years into your marriage - LMAOOOO! 
 

🥲🤣 

 

x

[dias]

On 4/12/2024 at 11:12 PM, mylolita said:

You’re still young remember Dias. Most men’s prime dating time is between the ages of 30 and 40. (Let me just, get my bullet proof on after that comment… 🤣) 

You are playing with fire! Mentioning age in the context of dating is punishable according to the ENA penal code. ENA article 51 paragraph 2b clearly states this is considered age discrimination against the rest of age groups. You need to write 100 posts stating "I am only allowed to write politically-correct things on ENA"

 

On 4/12/2024 at 11:12 PM, mylolita said:

Don’t you worry Dias! Really - it might all happen when you least expect it!!

To be honest, I don't believe it. If it hasn't happened this far it ain't going to happen. Unless we are talking about least expecting it when I am 80 haha

In the end I will find a mail order bride from Ukraine, have kids and divorce (because chances are we will not be compatible). Half of the guys in the office went to Ukraine to find women. No wonder. 

On 4/12/2024 at 11:12 PM, mylolita said:

You’ll attract people who want you for you when you do that. Like the sour puss - good, she revealed that comment because you told something honest about yourself, the saving diligent part. She didn’t like it? That’s good! NEXT! Your time was not wasted! Imagine if you’d done what so many people do and meet her, try gauge what she might like to hear and played a little part to get her on side? 

Actually it's not that she left. She wanted to come back to my place when I would be back from the US. But I stopped since there is a limit of rudeness I can handle. Imagine someone to be that rude that the guys won't even sleep with her. How low. 

[dias]

The other engineer called me to discuss about the new project and team we joined. He does not like the projects nor the people. I thought I was the only one. Stupid projects, not interesting people. They spend 90% of the time documenting things about the actual work. It's exactly the opposite way I like to work. I find secretarial work so freaking boring that at some point I will start complaining. 

I am getting tired with people in general. Whether it's work or dating and whatnot. 

[Batya33]

I think being tired in general of people also can be from all the traveling added to work, etc -it's a lot! I remember when  I traveled a lot - for several years -my husband's been traveling a lot for over 20.  

[mylolita]

6 hours ago, dias said:

You are playing with fire! Mentioning age in the context of dating is punishable according to the ENA penal code. ENA article 51 paragraph 2b clearly states this is considered age discrimination against the rest of age groups. You need to write 100 posts stating "I am only allowed to write politically-correct things on ENA"

 

To be honest, I don't believe it. If it hasn't happened this far it ain't going to happen. Unless we are talking about least expecting it when I am 80 haha

In the end I will find a mail order bride from Ukraine, have kids and divorce (because chances are we will not be compatible). Half of the guys in the office went to Ukraine to find women. No wonder. 

Actually it's not that she left. She wanted to come back to my place when I would be back from the US. But I stopped since there is a limit of rudeness I can handle. Imagine someone to be that rude that the guys won't even sleep with her. How low. 

This scene, when I saw this film, I was about 15 I think and it summed up my feelings around that time, when I was in this limbo, waiting room phase. You might be able to relate…

“As a girl you see the world as a giant candy store filled with sweet candy and such. But one day you look around and you see a prison and you're on death row. You wanna run or scream or cry but something's locking you up. Are the other folks cows chewing cud until the hour comes when their heads roll? Or are they just keeping quiet like you, planning their escape.”

x

[mylolita]

And @dias I know it sounds like a trite platitude and, it might mostly be. But you really don’t ever know. You can look at odds and chances for everything.

 

I actually have come to realise in maybe a cynical way but also maybe it’s a… truthful, liberating thing - that most people, the majority, can’t have it all. Someone once said, you can have it all, just not all at once. I can’t remember where I heard that. 
 

You find people doing well in their careers but yet, their family or personal love life is not so great. Or vice versa. Or people got the money and objects they wanted but now they’re stressed. Life is drastically bitter sweet, in my opinion. The spice with the sugar, the sweet with the sour. Something’s gotta give. I mean, death is kinda a fly in ya ointment isn’t it 🥲 What can you do?

 

I was out today with the girls and, I happened to see just, the cutest baby I’d seen in many years. This baby was objectively, SCRUMPTIOUS! All the Mums were trying to hold her. I could hardly take my eyes off her! And I was struck with this broody ness I haven’t experienced since before my youngest was born! And I was suddenly thinking back to how cute they all were, how delicious! And I found myself wanting more! As if I haven’t already got enough?  
 

I even got back home and mentioned it to D and asked him how he’d feel about a fourth. I knew he wouldn’t be automatically saying yes like the other three - I was right. I think we’ve finally settled. I’m 34 as well. But anyway, there is always this “gimme more, there could be better-ness!” urge. 
 

Whether you find someone or you don my Dias is really up to mysteries of the universe. Chance and, timing and all of that. There are many ways to be happy. I could choose to be happy so much - but often, I choose to lament. It’s a state of mind. I kid myself into thinking I “only need this last one thing” like a drug addict consoling their “final and last hit before sobriety” and, Y’know, the satisfaction never fully comes.

 

Human nature?! Or being an ungrateful spoilt brat?! Probably the last part for me! 🥹

 

The people fatigue is very relatable. 
 

I used to come home as a 14 year old girl from house parties, annoyed to hell, and write scathing half satirical half serious hit pieces and character assassinations about everyone who had annoyed me that night. I even used to laugh out loud reading it back sometimes! The teenager in me still basically does that - LOL! Obviously never grew up or matured! 
 

People can be amazing, the best. They can also be DRAINING and depressing.

 

x

[dias]

Those dating apps are the biggest distraction ever. I deleted all of them because I literally have done nothing at work the past two weeks. Plus, with all those unstable women there with sh*tty behavior I will start resenting women in general which is really bad. I don't want to get bitter, the quality of life drops significantly and it's a waste of time and energy. 

 

 

[Batya33]

In my experience as a US native for 57 years it's not all about money and nor is success defined only by how much money someone has.  I was/am self-made as were my parents, grandparents, etc and as was my husband/his parents.  Our grandparents were mostly not born in the US.  I have a broader definition of success in one's professional career/job/trade than salary/income/how much $ someone has.  I totally get that some define success solely based on money  and I have met many people from the US and from other countries who are all about money/uber focused on money.  They are not "my people."

I enjoyed reading about your insights and self-knowledge!

[Jaunty]

I have family members in academia here in the US.  One of them, an archaeologist, has many published books and a medal of honor from the country where she made her discoveries.  

Another one teaches at a well known medical school.  

Neither of them has a team of any number of people that help them with fund raising.  Yes, their presence contributes to fund raising but they are still mainly working at their professions.  

Maybe it depends on the field.