How close can you be to someone with radically different values?

[itsallgrand]

I think it's very personal to each person at what point a difference in values would get in the way of a friendship or other relationship. We can't really say what that point is for you, that's something you have to decide. Also I think some people perceive expression of values differently - for example, my SO eats a vegan diet and I eat an omnivore diet and occasionally hunt and fish. I've had many people comment on how? How is this not a problem ? It's never been because we share CORE values - we both believe in being mindful about what we choose to eat, we both believe in respecting life and sustainability practices, etc. We express it differently sometimes and don't necessarily agree on every way to do that, but we agree and have deep respect for each other on these things. I get even more livid than he at trophy hunters and those who just kill and leave as I've seen it and just because I eat meat doesn't mean I'm ok with that!

If you need clarification on whether he's a trophy hunter or not, it's fine to ask. I wouldn't bother debating. Just gather info and decide if you can handle whatever his particular approach and core values are.

And if it doesn't sit well, I'd suggest just fading out to acquaintance. No need for a production, it's ok if not everyone is our close friend.

[greendots]

I've been contemplating this. For example, my belief in God is the key fundamental in my life. Some of my (close) friends though don't share that view or express it differently, always being respectful and kind to each other. It's sharing those two core values, respect and kindness, as to why we're still friends to this day.

Would I marry someone who doesn't share my religious views? No as that key fundamental is a non-negotiable for me. But if he were a vegetarian, for example, as long as he treated our differences with respect and kindness we would make it work.

Like itsallgrand suggested it's about sharing core values.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Bit she became really full-on about the vegetarianism and kept always talking about it. If you ordered meat she either made comments about it or simply stared angrily at you and your food. She also said to me: "I'm going to give you a list of body care products that are vegan and/or don't test on animals and you should buy only those products". It's like yeah that's great but I didn't ask you for any advice what shampoo I'm allowed to use! Lol

That has way more to do with her using her vegetarian excuse to be intimidating and condescending and rude -to be able to vent in the name of "ethics" than actually caring about how animals are treated.  Reminds me of a former friend who insisted that she cared more about animals than I did because she was a vegetarian.  

[itsallgrand]

31 minutes ago, greendots said:

I've been contemplating this. For example, my belief in God is the key fundamental in my life. Some of my (close) friends though don't share that view or express it differently, always being respectful and kind to each other. It's sharing those two core values, respect and kindness, as to why we're still friends to this day.

Would I marry someone who doesn't share my religious views? No as that key fundamental is a non-negotiable for me. But if he were a vegetarian, for example, as long as he treated our differences with respect and kindness we would make it work.

Like itsallgrand suggested it's about sharing core values.

I was thinking about the same thing when reading! 

I'm not religious , and feel the same way.. it won't get in the way with friends and doesn't so long as we share values like kindness and respect and taking people as individuals rather than just defined solely based on what group they identify with. With a spouse though, makes sense to find someone who practices and follows a similar path ...though some have great marriages without that, but it's your personal comfort with that and what you want to share of course. Both valid.

[Wiseman2]

[Tinydance]

Sorry this is probably offensive to vegans but this weirdly came up in my Facebook feed lol