My (F,26) now ex boyfriend (M,24) broke up yesterday after 2 years. I am so lost and broken.

[sunnydaze8]

Yesterday, my (F,26) now ex boyfriend (M,24) broke up today. I had a get feeling honestly. He didn't talk to me for two days before the breakup. Recently in the last three weeks I've noticed he didn't want to spend as much time with me. I brought this up and he got kind of agitated, saying he's allowed to have his time too which I agreed but the effort to take me out on dates, just simply see me was.. not there like it once was. He would tell me, "I don't need to see you the second I get home from work" and "I don't need to see you every second of every weekend." Which was hurtful but I just dealt with it I guess. We have fought about it three times including this time in this post.

This past week I told him my parents weren't going to be home (we both still live with our parents) and he said, "got the house to yourself" and I said, "ourselves? " and he replied, "I have stuff I want to do this weekend too." I felt kind of hurt because it felt like he was saying, "I don't have plans but if I do or don't, they don't include you." I let it go. He likes to go to his friends house for 12-14 hours at a time. Thursday I went to a concert and originally bought tickets for my mom and I but after she was wishy washy my ex boyfriend offered to go with me because I knew he saw how hurt I was that my mom couldn't go with me. Thursday came, ex has to work late which I understood. I stated that that was no one's fault and I'd find someone else. I then decided what was about that text the other day about the not having plans thing. I was saying things like, "correct me if I'm wrong but this is how it felt" and a lot of "I feel" statements just trying to see if I was being sensitive. We ended up talking but I wouldn't say arguing. Suddenly he brought up this spending money thing that we've never fought about. He stated that I spend too much money on nails, hair, concert tickets when we're supposed to be building a house. (We had not started building but it was a dream of ours). He told me he wasn't taking me on dates to save money. I ended the conversation with an apology and told him I would try to be less sensitive. He didn't talk to me for two days.

Today he texted me and asked if I was home and if he could come give me my stuff. I knew it. I had a gut feeling. I quickly put my stuff on and went to his house. When I walked in he was stone. f*cking. cold. in the face. I could see it in his face he was done. I tried to talk to him, he didn't want any part of it. He kept telling me to just grab my stuff and leave. After I would spill my guts, apologize, try to reason with him he would say, "that's fine, but I'm done." Absolutely nothing from him. I asked,"do you hate me?" He said, "I'm done fighting about the same thing over and over." I asked, "do you not love me or care about me?" Again from him was, "I'm done fighting about the same thing over and over." He kept saying nothing changes. We talked for an hour and a half. Mostly me because I could just see it in his face he was done. Towards the end, he started getting mad. He said, "this is the last time I'm going to say this, let's grab your stuff so you can leave." I didn't cry at all, it was shocking, just more.. numb. I sat on the bed and told him this is fixable, same thing from him, "I'm done fighting about the same thing over and over."

I said,"I need to talk about this before I never see you again." He just wanted me to grab my stuff and leave and we never speak again. I stated how embarrassed I felt. I said I would miss his family. He said, "who cares? I'll tell my family and everyone it was my fault. I don't care." I asked what I was supposed to do when he moves on and he stopped me and said, "you're guilt tripping me, stop." Towards the end when he was getting mad and he said, "you would do the same thing if you were in my f*cking shoes dealing with the same argument for the last two years." I legit had no idea what he was talking about, I thought it was about money which we've never argued about.

He walked my stuff to my vehicle and just stood in the driveway with me. He said, "I'll give you a hug." And we stood like that for about 2 minutes. He then stood there and we just stared at each other. I said, "I hope when you're laying in bed at night you think about all of the good times between us and not this interaction" and "I love you and I'll always care about you." He said, "I know." He said, "I'm going to turn around and go inside now." I said okay. He said goodbye, I said goodbye and that was that. As soon as I got in my car, I bawled. He stopped sharing his location with me in ten minutes, deleted me off snapchat and hour later.

I am numb. None of this has hit me yet.

[Kwothe28]

I wouldnt pay attention on his excuses and the way he dumped it all on you. If he wanted to see you and take you on date he would. He just wouldnt. If he wanted some kind of future he wouldnt make all kinds of excuses to not see you and to spend times with his friends. He just didnt want to be in relationship anymore from some reason. Whether its him falling out of love, whether its some other reason, its irrelevant. And he did it by dumping everything on you. Pretty cold if you ask me. Which shows that at the end he just didnt care to make it easier on you and just wanted to get rid of you. 

He did you a favor by deleting you from social network. You also should delete and block him and keep no contact. Sorry it happened, but he really doesnt seem like a good guy but rather cold and selfish. And somebody you are probably better without.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, sunnydaze8 said:

"you would do the same thing if you were in my f*cking shoes dealing with the same argument for the last two years."

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What were the arguments about?

You dodged a bullet. he's not someone mature enough to work anything out. Yes, delete and block him from everything.

[sunnydaze8]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What were the arguments about?

You dodged a bullet. he's not someone mature enough to work anything out. Yes, delete and block him from everything.

We were dating for 2 years. Lately the arguments were about how I felt like he purposely left me out from things. He would say to me “you don’t need to come over the second I get home” and “I don’t need to spend every second of every weekend with you.” It hurt but I just dealt with it because I felt maybe I was the one being overbearing. 

[MissCanuck]

I am really sorry you're hurting, OP. 

1 hour ago, sunnydaze8 said:

I sat on the bed and told him this is fixable

Unforuntately, and with kindess and respect, it's not fixable. When someone doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, it really is over. Convincing someone to stay when they just don't want to be together any longer never leads anywhere good.

It seems that you two have had some friction recently. And that may have been because you sensed him losing interest and were understandably wanting to turn things around. It appears that he has checked out, though, and is very hostile about it. So he's blaming you for the demise of all of this when it's very clear that he is the one who brought this on. 

It is a shock now, but in time, the dust will settle. You will heal. 

[sunnydaze8]

18 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I wouldnt pay attention on his excuses and the way he dumped it all on you. If he wanted to see you and take you on date he would. He just wouldnt. If he wanted some kind of future he wouldnt make all kinds of excuses to not see you and to spend times with his friends. He just didnt want to be in relationship anymore from some reason. Whether its him falling out of love, whether its some other reason, its irrelevant. And he did it by dumping everything on you. Pretty cold if you ask me. Which shows that at the end he just didnt care to make it easier on you and just wanted to get rid of you. 

He did you a favor by deleting you from social network. You also should delete and block him and keep no contact. Sorry it happened, but he really doesnt seem like a good guy but rather cold and selfish. And somebody you are probably better without.

That’s exactly how I felt too is he basically just didn’t want a girlfriend anymore/didn’t want a relationship anymore. With the coldness, that’s all I could chalk it up too because none of it really made sense. The deleting and what not, just feels like he wants to erase me from his life.

[sunnydaze8]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I am really sorry you're hurting, OP. 

Unforuntately, and with kindess and respect, it's not fixable. When someone doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, it really is over. Convincing someone to stay when they just don't want to be together any longer never leads anywhere good.

It seems that you two have had some friction recently. And that may have been because you sensed him losing interest and were understandably wanting to turn things around. It appears that he has checked out, though, and is very hostile about it. So he's blaming you for the demise of all of this when it's very clear that he is the one who brought this on. 

It is a shock now, but in time, the dust will settle. You will heal. 

I feel like he could feel I was on to him. Like I could feel him distancing himself from me. I feel like he panicked, I panicked and instead of just sitting and talking with me he decided to purge me.

[SooSad33]

Sorry for your pains 😕 .. I know it hurts!

Is always hard to face the facts.. the truth.  He was pulling away and giving excuses & distance for a while, right? In other words, he had one foot out the door.

I think, in your last few conversations, he was just grasping at straws to try and come up with 'reasons' for this ending.. so, don't take it all to heart.  If they're done, they're done 😕 .. Nothing more you can do.

It is usually the dumpee who suffers the most- and is the last to know too.

You're both still young.  We learn through experiences.  You will find someone again, in time.  ( No need to rush 😉 ) . This was an experience and yeah, it does hurt when you feel for someone. It's the chance we take when we get involved.

Yes, it will hurt for a while... go with the flow, vent, journal & take care of YOU and be easy on yourself.

 

[jul-els]

I know it hurts now, but he did you a favor. You deserve better than a one sided relationship and once you’ve moved on from this, you’ll be free to find someone better suited to you.

[sunnydaze8]

Just now, SooSad33 said:

Sorry for your pains 😕 .. I know it hurts!

Is always hard to face the facts.. the truth.  He was pulling away and giving excuses & distance for a while, right? In other words, he had one foot out the door.

I think, in your last few conversations, he was just grasping at straws to try and come up with 'reasons' for this ending.. so, don't take it all to heart.  If they're done, they're done 😕 .. Nothing more you can do.

It is usually the dumpee who suffers the most- and is the last to know too.

You're both still young.  We learn through experiences.  You will find someone again, in time.  ( No need to rush 😉 ) . This was an experience and yeah, it does hurt when you feel for someone. It's the chance we take when we get involved.

Yes, it will hurt for a while... go with the flow, vent, journal & take care of YOU and be easy on yourself.

 

I was just amazed how fast it all came crashing down. Literally Tuesday I sent him this messaged about how much I noticed his hard work, and appreciated his love and support and he replied, “how a relationship should be ❤️‍🔥” and 4 days later.. we’re done.

[MissCanuck]

3 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

instead of just sitting and talking with me he decided to purge me.

I think you are right. And that says a lot about his lack of maturity. 

As far as being deleted off his socials, believe me when I say that's for the best. You are not going to want a front-row seat as he embarks on his life a single dude. 

[sunnydaze8]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

I think you are right. And that says a lot about his lack of maturity. 

As far as being deleted off his socials, believe me when I say that's for the best. You are not going to want a front-row seat as he embarks on his life a single dude. 

I talked to his dad after, his family and I are close. His dad talked to him I guess and got back to me and said the best thing I can do is give him space. I asked him if the conversation went bad. His dad said, “He's confused your best bet is too give him space. If you want to help him.”

[SooSad33]

8 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

I was just amazed how fast it all came crashing down. Literally Tuesday I sent him this messaged about how much I noticed his hard work, and appreciated his love and support and he replied, “how a relationship should be ❤️‍🔥” and 4 days later.. we’re done.

Yeah, I know 😕 .. But I feel he was giving signs over the last while, right?  That was just a 'moment'.

And yes, space is best!  No begging, chasing, following.. No Contact at all.  Never show your weak side. Is also for your benefit.. to work on accepting, healing, etc.

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

Just now, sunnydaze8 said:

“He's confused your best bet is too give him space. If you want to help him.”

That doesn't make sense, sorry to say. Help him...with what? He dumped you like yesterday's banana peels and he needs help with this? Nah. 

It is going to be best to stop talking to his parents, especially about your relationship. I know you are searching for answers, but they aren't him. They can't speak for him, and shouldn't. If he wanted out, it's his prerogative to go. His parents running interference won't help. 

I hate to ask, but you do suspect he might have met someone else? Sometimes this disproportionate agitation and (seemingly) quick turnaround suggest the presence of a third party, and a lot of resulting guilt and projection. 

[sunnydaze8]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

That doesn't make sense, sorry to say. Help him...with what? He dumped you like yesterday's banana peels and he needs help with this? Nah. 

It is going to be best to stop talking to his parents, especially about your relationship. I know you are searching for answers, but they aren't him. They can't speak for him, and shouldn't. If he wanted out, it's his prerogative to go. His parents running interference won't help. 

I hate to ask, but you do suspect he might have met someone else? Sometimes this disproportionate agitation and (seemingly) quick turnaround suggest the presence of a third party, and a lot of resulting guilt and projection. 

I thought of that too, if there was someone else. I’m not sure, I didn’t ask. Maybe that’s why I figured he deleted me off socials so quickly. I asked if we could still be friends and he said, “no because I’ll sabotage any chance you have of moving on.” And I don’t know if he meant that I’ll be too hung up on him or he will not be able to handle it himself. 

[sunnydaze8]

12 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, I know 😕 .. But I feel he was giving signs over the last while, right?  That was just a 'moment'.

And yes, space is best!  No begging, chasing, following.. No Contact at all.  Never show your weak side. Is also for your benefit.. to work on accepting, healing, etc.

 

 

 

Pretty much over the last 2 weeks I’ve noticed he’s been distant and brushing me off. This week I even said to one of my friends that I’ve felt more in love with him than I ever have and then this. I haven’t talked to him. I don’t plan on it. 

[MissCanuck]

6 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

I asked if we could still be friends

You won't be able to be friends with him, though. 

How would you feel being his friend when he meets the next woman he wants to date? 

[sunnydaze8]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You won't be able to be friends with him, though. 

How would you feel being his friend when he meets the next woman he wants to date? 

I would be crushed. I said to him, “what am I supposed to do when you move on?” And he coldly stared at me and said, “you’re not guilt tripping me into this.” 

[Rose Mosse]

2 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

Pretty much over the last 2 weeks I’ve noticed he’s been distant and brushing me off. This week I even said to one of my friends that I’ve felt more in love with him than I ever have and then this. I haven’t talked to him. I don’t plan on it. 

Don't speak with his family or friends. They don't owe you any explanations or reasons for your boyfriend's break up with you and it's unkind to put them in the middle like that. You're hurt so work on your hurt and moving past this break up. 

He doesn't want to be with you and it didn't work out. And please continue doing your hair and your nails if you can afford it and have budgeted those expenses. Don't stop being you or let anyone rain on your parade or dull your shine.

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

I would be crushed. I said to him, “what am I supposed to do when you move on?” 

You will continue to heal. That's what you need to concentrate on, even if it's hard to fathom now. 

[SooSad33]

22 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

I would be crushed. I said to him, “what am I supposed to do when you move on?” And he coldly stared at me and said, “you’re not guilt tripping me into this.” 

Sorry, but he is right.  He cannot validate your feelings.. It's hard on both sides.  We can't make the other person 'feel better', during such a difficult moment 😕 .

You are hurting a LOT! And that's understandable.  But, we can't look to an ex to 'make us feel okay'. We need to look to others for some support during this painful time.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

I talked to his dad after, his family and I are close. His dad said, “He's confused your best bet is too give him space. If you want to help him.”

Please don't contact his family. Leave him and his family alone. You need to talk to your own people. Keep in mind the arguments were about the clinginess and now you're still doing it.

[sunnydaze8]

23 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Sorry, but he is right.  He cannot validate your feelings.. It's hard on both sides.  We can't make the other person 'feel better', during such a difficult moment 😕 .

You are hurting a LOT! And that's understandable.  But, we can't look to an ex to 'make us feel okay'. We need to look to others for some support during this painful time.

 

 

Yeah you’re right, that was towards the end when I knew this was really it. I got scared and desperate. Just living a life without him.

[sunnydaze8]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please don't contact his family. Leave him and his family alone. You need to talk to your own people. Keep in mind the arguments were about the clinginess and now you're still doing it.

Yeah you’re right. The worst thing I can do right now is infiltrate his life and his family and even his friends. I already took myself off social media. I kind of just want to be dead to the world for the next 6 months.

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, sunnydaze8 said:

 I kind of just want to be dead to the world for the next 6 months.

I would do the exact opposite. Get involved in groups and clubs. Take some classes and courses. Anything. Yoga, golf, dancing, language, whatever. Volunteer. Be very busy.

The more you're involved in life you are the better you'll feel. It will also prevent you from sitting home weekends/evenings  revolving your life around someone suffocating them.

Get a second job. Make plans to move out and be independent. Save money, work much more than you have been.

If you had a bunch of things to do and places to go including a second job this would never have happened. So adjust that.