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I'm 24 years old and I've never been with a girl that wasn't a prostitute


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I'm a 24 year old male and I've only had sex with escorts. Let me start at the beggining.

I first started to do this when I was 20. The reason being that I was a virgin and never had done anything with a girl. I never kissed one, went on a date, or even danced with one. I was in college and thought at first I would meet someone but as time went by I grew anxious and couldn't stop thinking about sex & girls. But I still was focused on finding someone. 

The breaking point was when I got rejected by a girl in my "friend group". I thought at first she liked me back because she knew I liked her since other people told her and she was still friendly with me. But because I've never really experience this before I started to come off too strong and this pushed her away. Eventually she told me we should just be friends. I was disappointed because I thought for once my luck was changing. 

But it wasn't just that. I was far away from my family and grew homesick. My grades were starting to get really bad. I didn't have any friends. The "friend group" I had was basically a group of friends that I met only because one of them was my roomate. They all knew each before coming to college and I always felt the odd one out. If anything I think they most likely didn't even view me as a friend. Just the roomate of one of their friends. But I really wanted to be part of the friend group. 

Eventually one friday night I got into a fight with the roomate because he and the friend group were going to some party and it was never brought up to me. I felt left out. What was worse was that they didn't even try to invite me when they came to our dorm. And to add insult to injury the girl I liked was going and my roomate made a joke that a guy she liked was going to be there. It was like he was trying to piss me off. Of course I felt angry and I'm ashamed to admit it but after they left I basically trashed our dorm and broke a lot of his stuff. I don't want to explain any further but I was moved to another dorm. And of course being a *** I sent mean texts to the girl I liked. Needless to say they weren't even acquaintances with me after that.

I'm telling you all this to explain why I choose to have sex with an escort. I was in a really bad place and felt extremely depressed. I had nothing going for me. I felt isolated and didn't have anyone that could at least listen to me.

Honestly since then I've mostly visited hookers because I've felt lonely and had nothing better to do. I don't have many friends. My mom passed away 2 years ago. I dropped out of college. The few chances I had with girls didn't go anywhere. I've always felt awkward and honestly its probably because I had a terrible childhood growing up.

I guess I'm just venting. But what I want to know is how can I ever develope a healthy relationship with a woman if all I know is this? 

 

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Go to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the grief, anger, violent raging, and difficulty socializing.

Also be frank about any drug use or drinking.

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Do you have a job? Do you live at home?

Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer. Take some classes and courses. 

Most of all get screened for physical and/or mental health issues. 

The trajectory you're on now is going nowhere fast, except maybe to jail.

There's help and treatment available so you can function in society without exploiting people and harming yourself and others.

Stay away from dating women until you get your violence and raging evaluated.

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I appreciate your advice. I have thought of going to a therapist and probably will when I have more money. That violent outburst happened 4 years ago. I'm not really a violent person. I've never been in a fight. If anything my friends tell me to be more assertive. I'm more awkward than anything else. 

I only ever drank & smoked weed. I do have a job and live on my own with 2 roommates. I'm planning on going back to college. 

I'll take your advice on joining some club. Just don't what yet. 

Honestly I have improved but obviously I have a lot to go. Its just that sometimes I feel lonely. 

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51 minutes ago, Millenial Male 1420 said:

I appreciate your advice. I have thought of going to a therapist and probably will when I have more money. That violent outburst happened 4 years ago. I'm not really a violent person. I've never been in a fight. If anything my friends tell me to be more assertive. I'm more awkward than anything else. 

I only ever drank & smoked weed. I do have a job and live on my own with 2 roommates. I'm planning on going back to college. 

I'll take your advice on joining some club. Just don't what yet. 

Honestly I have improved but obviously I have a lot to go. Its just that sometimes I feel lonely. 

If you have a job, do you have health insurance?

See a physician. That's a better place to start with all this. You need to get tested for STDs anyway, not to mention your anxiety, anger and mood problems.

All of this is treatable. You don't need expensive therapy. You need to get screened for other things first.

Get rid of the weed and booze. Get fit. Eat better. Take better care of yourself and your grooming. Don't play video games all the time. Don't watch porn excessively.

There's a lot you can do to help yourself.

Is prostitution legal where you are?

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I think that seeing a therapist is definitely a good idea. The way you behaved about the party incident in college and trashed your dorm room and your room-mates things was NOT good. Totally unacceptable really. And sending nasty texts to that girl was mean and immature too.

The thing is that while of course everyone deserves friendships and a relationship, nobody OWES you this. You are not just automatically entitled to people's friendship, invitations, girls's affections, etc. These things just happen naturally. People just click, have connections and you can't  (and shouldn't) force it.

Obviously your roommate and his friends didn't feel they were that close to you. And guess what, it's THEIR choice. Instead of trying to befriend people who actually took interest in you, you felt OWED that friendship with your roommate. And you got angry about being rejected to the point that you got aggressive and violent towards him and the girl you liked. You were not entitled to that girl liking you. Having feelings for someone is either there or not. It's not her fault she didn't feel the same about you and she didn't deserve your abuse.

The thing is that if you don't straighten out your attitude, you will probably never have friends and you'll be sleeping with prostitutes forever. To have friends or a relationship you first of all have to be a nice guy. Being violent or nasty won't actually get you anywhere.

To me it also sounds like you've been "barking up the wrong tree". When people don't seem that interested in you, you for some reason think that you need to keep pursuing them. It's OK if someone doesn't want to be your friend or date you. This happens to everyone in life, not just you. Instead of continuing to chase those people, you should just leave it and try to look for people who actually DO want to be in your life. 

This might be an unpopular opinion but I think sleeping with escorts isn't good or bad in and of itself. You're a single guy and they're doing a job. As long as you use protection and you treat them kindly, I don't see much of a problem..I think the question more so is why are you doing this? I think you're doing it because you're lonely. 

I think you need to explore with a therapist why you don't have many people in your life and how you can work towards changing that.

 

Edited by Tinydance
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When you get to a therapist make sure they give you some homework/exercises to work on your awkwardness to increase your ability to socialize (behavior therapy). Don't put up with one that just sits there and listens, and that's all you get out of it. Make sure you get the right kind of therapist. Stop with the hookers and put your pennies towards something that's going to help you. 

Edited by smackie9
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I agree with the previous responders but want to add one point.

Having sex with an escort or prostitute is in no way comparable to a loving sexual relationship. In an actual relationship sex is an expression of your love. With a prostitute it is a sexual physical act, like masturbation, without mutual respect, and love.

Follow the above advice a seek quality therapy. You can live a good life, but you need to change, and therapy will help. But, it will take work from you. 

Compare therapy to exercise advice. You need to do the follow-up work, or, it's waste of time.

 

It isn't magic.

 

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Aside from the therapy, for the loss of your mother, your self destructive behaviors, and esteem in relationship issues; there are steps you can take to get out of this cycle.

The first question I'd have you explore with yourself and a therapist, is what do you want out of a relationship? Is it sex? Is it the honeymoon phase of dating? Are you wanting to start a family?

If sex, well you've already come to a work around for that.The rest, now that's where you need to do the hard introspection. I genuinely hope you can find a path forward, but the first steps will be difficult.

 

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