I have lost all hope and am devastated.. please help me ;(

[shawnbrody]

So my ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. The relationship was getting toxic and we needed some time apart. Not gonna lie, I was the cause of most of it. I suffer from adhd, anxiety, and emotional problems. I let a lot of those issues out on her and became a bit abusive. However I am in therapy now getting help. After the split, we started hanging out every single day. We went to the movies, got food, and went on dates together. Only thing different from before was we weren’t kissing or having physical contact. We were there for each other emotionally, helped each other out, and did everything else we did while dating. We did this for a week and then decided to give each other a little space because we needed it after the breakup. A few days later, we started talking again and it all seemed normal. Things were good and I could see this falling back into place.

 

The other day we got in an argument. The whole thing was a misunderstanding. She reached out to me to say sorry for your loss after I posted a picture of my deceased dog who I lost a year ago. I then responded saying thank you and it meant a lot. But after that I kind of joked around and didn’t take the text conversation seriously. I was talking in a funny way and she got annoyed and said she regretted feeling bad for me. This hurt a lot because I didnt say anything wrong, and she thinks I was purposely trying to make her mad. I can see how I was being kind of annoying but at the same time I didn’t hurt her and why text me if you’re going to regret feeling bad for me? That’s messed up. So what if I joke around? That’s how I cope with loss..

 

I kind of got wordy and said a lot over text and then called her out for texting someone that I know (he isn’t a close friend but I’ve know him for a bit). The reason I knew she was texting him is because she posted a photo of his text conversation on her private snap chat story (with about 30 ppl) and pretty much made fun of him. She said she thought his name was Chris and had a full on convo with this guy and pretty much led him on.

 

She flipped out and said that im a stalker and that I have no right to judge her. The reason she thought i was stalking her and being creepy is  she thinks I went out of my way to look up the number because she never said his full name. I honestly just recognized the area code and assumed it was him. but either way, she posted it publicly. I guess it was kind of creepy but I wasn’t meaning to be. She ended up blocking my number.

 

Well she didn’t block my snap chat so I tried explaining that I wasn’t stalking or being jealous but I just thought that what she did to this guy wasn’t cool. I told her that what she said to me wasn’t nice and I pointed out the text because it shows that she doesn’t care for peoples feelings. She kept calling me a stalker and creepy and said leave me alone or im calling security. So I let her be.

 

At this point its been 5 days, and I just want to talk to her. We were doing so well and I could feel things clicking again. She didn’t block me on snap chat but told me to leave her alone so I don’t want to get in any legal trouble. I want to respect her wishes to be left alone but I also feel like it was a misunderstanding. I am lost and don’t know what to do. Should I just leave her be? Wait for her to reach out? Or send her something short asking to meet up and talk?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? How old is she?

Leave her alone. Move forward in peace. if someone is already calling you a stalker, you need to delete and block her and ALL her people from ALL your social media, messaging apps and devices. 

Stop dragging out the breakup with all sorts of drama, arguments, accusations, confrontations, and other manipulations in your social media.

 The sooner you accept that you weren't compatible the sooner you'll heal

[shawnbrody]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? How old is she?

Leave her alone. Move forward in peace. if someone is already calling you a stalker, you need to delete and block her and ALL her people from ALL your social media, messaging apps and devices. 

Stop dragging out the breakup with all sorts of drama, arguments, accusations, confrontations, and other manipulations in your social media.

 The sooner you accept that you weren't compatible the sooner you'll heal

we were together for 9 months. she was the one who initiated "hanging out" after the breakup and then one small argument and she is calling me a stalker. she's so confusing and was literally all for hanging out before this happened. 

[Seraphim]

Eh , if she is making fun of people with 30 other people that is high school stuff. Are you sure you want to be with her ? 

[shawnbrody]

Just now, Seraphim said:

Eh , if she is making fun of people with 30 other people that is high school stuff. Are you sure you want to be with her ? 

what she did was childish and low-key bragging. I agree its kind of "high school type behavior" however, she was probably grieving from the breakup and she was also drunk when she posted those things.

[Batya33]

You are absolutely not ready to have any contact with this person whatsoever.  It's cumulative.  You were recently abusive and now you're back to interacting with her in an aggressive, confrontational way.  If she's asking you to stay away and implying she may take legal action take this extremely seriously.  Give her three times the space she seems to need.  Stay away.  Completely.  No contact whatsoever. 

You weren't clicking well.  People can click well for a couple of days - and in your case it quickly went back to you being confrontational and aggressive.  That's the opposite of clicking well.

Anyway it doesn't matter how you see it.  It doesn't matter what you feel.  Assume she is the victim here, plus she has asked for space.  This is not the time to think about how you feel and what you'd like to say.  Follow her exact rules.  Whether you feel like it or not whether you feel respectful or not.  Stay away. 

Just like you would stay away from removing a burning tray of food from the oven without an oven mitt.  Don't touch.  Don't contact.  Don't. Why? Because you have to.  No other reason and make sure you don't indulge in "but I only" or "but I feel".  This is serious stuff here.  

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, shawnbrody said:

 she is calling me a stalker.

Between this ^^^ and the below , combined with just hanging out 36 weeks, just cut your losses. You're wasting your time chitchatting with someone like this.

32 minutes ago, shawnbrody said:

she was also drunk when she posted those things.

 

[MissCanuck]

54 minutes ago, shawnbrody said:

I let a lot of those issues out on her and became a bit abusive

Abusive how? 

55 minutes ago, shawnbrody said:

We were doing so well and I could feel things clicking again.

You're underestimating the damage done by the aforementioned abuse. There is likely an awful lot of underlying pain and resentment on her end, and a few good days does not make up for whatever problems you two had during the relationship. 

57 minutes ago, shawnbrody said:

I wasn’t stalking or being jealous but I just thought that what she did to this guy wasn’t cool.

Eh, she sees through you. I highly doubt your primary concern was for this guy, but rather you were indeed jealous she was talking to someone else. At least be honest with yourself about that. 

All of this in only 9 months is far too much drama. Take the lessons you're learning in therapy and apply them in your next relationship. 

[boltnrun]

57 minutes ago, shawnbrody said:

She ended up blocking my number.

This

57 minutes ago, shawnbrody said:

Or send her something short asking to meet up and talk?

Does not mean this.

You're right, you would be risking legal trouble if you continue to try to contact her.

Leave her alone. No contact.

If she reaches out to you be very careful. My brother's ex periodically reaches out to him and when he responds she calls him a stalker and threatens to go to the police. So just don't.

You were only together 9 months. That's an awful short time for so much conflict. So yeah, just let it (and her) go.

[greendots]

Leave her be. Whatever she does is her business. Take some time out to heal and work on yourself. Focus on your therapy.