Jump to content

Need help,

Recommended Posts

Hello, i'm a 22 y.o guy. I have problems with my social life that it need help with.

I have no friends (i haven't had any in 8 years, so all through high school and since i graduated and moved to a new city)

I've never had a girlfriend (never kissed, hugged, sex....nothing)

I'm not in school (going back in september)

I dont have a full drivers license, so i cant just go out and drive somewhere

I live with my parents

I just don't know what to do. I feel really lost and confused now. I constantly feel like *** whenever i see anyone else because i know that they have friends and relationships and i'm just here alone (i'm happy that they have that, but it makes me hate myself more)

I'm constantly resenting myself and hating myself for not putting myself out there earlier so i wouldnt have these problems at my age. Sometimes i feel like the world would be better off without me. What do i do, im desperate and im having a hard time holding it together, please someone help me.

Link to comment

One step at a time.  Don't let everything get you at once, break it down and try to confront issues one at a time. 

I'm middle aged now...there was a time when I was entering my mid 20s, never having kissed a girl, never having a girlfriend....then my focus goes to improving certain aspects of myself.  

Make it simple, improve yourself one little step at a time.  Get the ball rolling so to speak.  After while, that momentum accumulates.  You'll get frustrated some, sure....but its not the end results you're looking for....its the journey and experiences.  

One thing at a time.  Find a club to join....a church....an activity to do with others....volunteer somewhere....stop worrying about not getting yourself out there before and change it, start it now.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
21 minutes ago, Tylerc115 said:

 i have a really hard time communicating with people, since i have so little experience doing it. 

Excellent that you have a job and are going back to school.

Work on getting your driver's license. Set some goals to meet people. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, take some classes and courses.

Be approachable and friendly. Smile and say hi to people.

Do you have health insurance through your parents? Go to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss your withdrawal and inertia. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

How do you get along with your parents? How do you commute to work? 


  • Like 1
Link to comment

Sounds like your depressed. Depressed people have a tendency to find situations in their life to feel bad about themselves. 

Typically, the person suffering from a situation which they think is negative, perceives others as experiencing the same emotion. When in fact situations are just transitional. 

You cant leave a job without either quitting or getting fired. You can’t leave a relationship without getting dumped or leaving your partner. As individuals we get to make decisions on how we should interpret the situations in our live. 

Sometimes getting fired, or having no friends or being a virgin is actually a good thing. But you would never understand this unless you’ve had an unwanted child, contracted an std, had a friend betray you, had an abusive boss, etc. etc. 

If you want to stop the cycle, first recognize when your looking for a reason to feel bad about yourself, then make a decision to notice the situation from a neutral perspective. Things and situations are just that, they don’t have to carry any meaning or connotation.

edit post:

When you start overcoming your depression and start allowing yourself to be more vulnerable around people. Learning to smile, approach, be interested in others more then yourself. 

People will naturally come into your life, because people are social creatures and they genuinely seek connections with others.

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Don’t get stuck on how you got to 22 without these things, ask instead how to obtain them going forward. Drivers license is pretty straight forward, can you put the wheels in motion to get your hands on one of those? 

Friends is harder but not impossible. Scroll down this question answer for some tangible and philosophical approaches to expanding your social network. It’s time to start operation meet more people! https://captainawkward.com/2011/12/19/question-153-how-do-i-make-and-keep-friends/amp/



  • Like 1
Link to comment

Look at some clubs around your area and take public transport if you can’t drive. 

Take some lessons if you want to drive and ask your parents if they can also help. I’m assuming they have licenses. Do they drive? Not everyone drives or needs to or wants to. That’s up to you but I love the freedom and independence. 

Summer is around the corner so look into sports or training classes also if you want to start something. Hire an instructor or take group lessons. 

Link to comment

"I constantly feel like *** whenever i see anyone else because i know that they have friends and relationships and i'm just here alone (i'm happy that they have that, but it makes me hate myself more)".

^^^  I agree with what the other posters suggested but I'd like to add one more thing.  I know it's very hard to do but, please, do NOT compare yourself to other people.  Not a good idea, and that just leads to more depression/sadness.  Instead, try to focus on what you do have such as the ability to learn to drive (which will certainly give you more independence), looking and feeling better by going to the gym, working.  I'm not trying to lessen your feelings but, like I mentioned, don't focus on the negative.  It's counter productive and that will keep you in a dark place. 



  • Like 1
Link to comment

Going back to school in September will help you make friends. It happens naturally when surrounded by peers most of the time. That's how it was for me. I have always been painfully shy and not one to approach people, but I ended up with friends at both universities i attended. It will also help give you a sense of purpose. Taking classes gives you goals, and helps you find yourself and your passion. 

You said you are working and living with your parents, so I recommend using this time to save money to fund your future endeavors (pursuing your passions, going out with people or attending events to meet people at school, buying a car when you get your driver's license). As a side note, I wish I had the option of living with parents and saving up money for what i need. You are very lucky in that way. You are still so young at 22. No need to rush things or put so much pressure on yourself. 

You have time to acquire a driver's license before September. It would give you something to do, and you would achieve one of your goals in the process. I say do it!

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...