Please offer some advice-I'm desperately in love

[europa34]

I met this woman over a year ago. We became really close friends. We're both married with kids and started to swap babysitting. My husband got annoyed with my spending time with someone else and I had to cut down on some of the contact. Well-after spending a summer of his ignoring me-I started to spend more time with her. I had a strong suspicion that she might be bi based on a few comments she had made. Because I was so anti all of that stuff-I started to run down all the famous people I knew were like that. I guess, weirdly enough, I thought it would bring her "out". Eventually I just asked her in a rude way if she was like "bi, or something". She said she was before and started crying. Anyway-moving on-I became nosy about her past. She started talking about all these things she would do with women and admittedly-I was turned on. She asked if she could touch me. I said "where?". So we kissed. It was kind of awkward at first and more aggressive than I had expected. She made up for the kiss by showing up at my place at 4:30 in the morning and kissing me again-more tenderly this time. Since then it seems we can't keep our hands off one another. We have slept together a few times and our husbands are irate and it is really screwing up our home life. I'm 33 by the way and she is 26. My husband and I are screaming at each other-and it is starting to affect my kids. Her husband wants to kill me and says if we move in together he will kill us both. Please offer some advice. We are in love with each other.

[DN]

You are aware of course that you are both cheating on your husbands and that this is no different than if you were cheating with another man?

 

The same standards apply. If you have an unhappy marriage that cannot be repaired through counselling or any other method of reconciliation then you should leave it before looking for alternatives. No doubt the consequences will be even more drastic (impact on children etc.) but that is a decision only you can make.

[notanexpert1]

is this your first time with a woman? Ask yourself are you really in love with her? If you have a husband and kids maybe you should think about them because maybe this 'fling' with this other woman is a tempoary thing. You just might like the experience of being with another woman, why don't you just make it clear to your husband that your sex life needs improving and you would like the best of both worlds and that this woman is your friend who you simply just have sex with? Think about her husband and kids if she has any, and also yours? I seriously think what you will have to lose you can either:

 

1.) Go with this woman, lose your husband and life as a family with your kids

 

2.) Go with this woman and be happy for the rest of your life, well if you are 100% certain you are in love with her

 

3.) Realise that it is just for sex (your in lust, not love) as you are exploring a new world, persuade your husband that you think you may be Bi and you want to enjoy the best of both worlds...... providign it is ok with him and this other woman's husband, you could either keep the sex between you two woman or have an orgy if it is lust.

 

Sorry if I have gave you the wrong advice, hence the name not an expert but think about what I have said.

 

What you think?

[europa34]

Whoa-let me clarify a few things. I have been married for 10 years. I was very content until my husband cheated on me about 4 years ago. I was his support system and best friend through this time as he felt she took advantage of him. Although I was very tempted to pay him back-I didn't for 4 years. I sought his companionship for this last year only to have doors slammed in my face (literally). I truly love this woman. I only fell in love with her after I fell out of love with my husband. She was my friend long before we were lovers and the things I love about her are primarily emotional and mental. I don't even know if I'm good at the physical and honestly even after 10 years my husband does not fail to satisfy. I would have to give up that aspect of my life to be with her.

[notanexpert1]

just you be 100% that this is true feelings, ok? because you will lose it all with this other woman, but if you really are in love with her make sure you are making the right decision. be careful.

 

And really ask yourself, are you bi? Wouldnæt it be better just to be friends and still have your families? What about just keep having an affair then no one is hurt?

[europa34]

I'm a good mom and I will not sacrifice my kids . My husband and I both work at home and we are always with our kids. We have discussed sharing them if I were to go. He doesn't want them to know she exists, however. Her kids would be with her if she left.

[notanexpert1]

you know i found out my mother was bi a while ago, i accept it and really don't care about it. But my sister hates it, and my older brother dispises it i think he grabbed her by the neck and threw her out of the house. How old are your kids? Am not saying dont go for what you want, but your kids are first priority to you, right?

[DN]

With respect, the fact that your husband cheated on you 4 years ago doesn't give you a blank check to cheat on him now. And no one is suggesting that you sacrifice your kids, but you must know that if you leave your husband for this woman it will cause huge disruption in their lives, no matter what the outcome or your intentions.

[notanexpert1]

I agree with DNA, really though it may seem the best option now, of course you shouldn't be miserable the rest of your life, but will she makes you this happy say in 2 3 5 10 yeqars time?

[europa34]

Isn't separation better perhaps than the incessant bickering in the house?

[notanexpert1]

not neccessarily? What exactly do you bicker about? What about a break? Do you really love this girl, or does she just offer you an invitation to get away from reality? Sit down adn work thing sout with your husband, if things dont work in say 6 months after careful talking wiht each other then i suggest you think about leaving him, and if you still feel the saem about this girl. You still haven't answered, is this your first bisexual relationship?

[europa34]

I have never been with a woman before her or even contemplated this

[notanexpert1]

then maybe, since your age it's just a sexual fantasy thing. I know me mar has been it for years but only had her first relationship a while ago with a owman 2 years ago or sumfin. Answer these so people here get a more clear understanding and can offer u better advice then some 20 year old kid can

 

What do you bicker about exactly?

 

HAve you ever thought about a break

 

Do you really love this woman in a lreationship way, or because she takes you into a sexual fantasy or escape you from reality from your buickering husband?

[Cadence308]

I'm not really sure what your question is. You said that both of your husbands already know. This obviously wasn't a planned thing and it is mutual. You don't sound like a happy woman.

 

From these other posts on your thread it almost sounds like they are trying to tell you to stay with your husbands. You do have a few choices and you need to make some decisions soon. You can stay with your husband and try to work things out. I suggest you do this only if you are still in love with him and want to be with him. If you decide this then you probably should drop all contact with this other woman, including being her friend because I think it's too hard to be lovers and then try to be friends. The passion will still be there, as well as the emotional aspects, which will drive you to want to become more intimate. Your other option is to leave your husband to be with this woman. Only do this if you are sure that you love her and she loves you and you no longer want to be with your husband.

 

GL!

[europo27]

I have never been in love like this before.

[patience]

Her husband wants to kill me and says if we move in together he will kill us both.

 

Did he say this to you? Seriously? Has your husband made any threats on your life or her life? Have you called the police? Have you contacted a woman's shelter? Take threats like this seriously. Life is important.

 

I would suggest counselling regarding your relationship with your friend. A lesbian friendly counsellor would be best. If you contact your nearest women's shelter or women's centre, they should be able to provide you with some references. You could also do a google search. A counsellor could help you to work through all of your fears, worries, thoughts, feelings, etc. You need and deserve some real life support right now.

 

I wish you well.

[europa34]

It seems my girlfriend has posted Europo27

[notanexpert1]

"The sun does not compare to how bright and beautifull her smile is" - oh my dear god, what are you on love? Yeah she might have the smile brighter than the sun hahahahahhahahah but really does she offer you the security your husband does? There's more than just to a relationship than just love. HENCE, things like cars, mortgages and MOST IMPORTANT MONEY! If you leave your husband, can you bleed this girl dry? If not, i'd recommend staying with your husband and carry on bleeding him dry. Seriously though, think about the financial aspects of it, you also don't want to be giving your kids extra pocket money do you? Or two separeate christmas presents?Because once they get there claws into it, they'll carry on doing it. You have ot think about things like this.

[europa34]

Not to boast but my job brings in $400,000 a year. I don't see a financial drain coming.

[notanexpert1]

and what about your husband? You sure this girl isn't using you for your cash? Are you sure??

[europa34]

She doesn't really need it

[notanexpert1]

that's what you think though? Sorry but you have gave me the impression that she is a money grabbing woman who wants to destroy your marriage and family. How do you know she doesn't need it? How long you been with her for, is what you are saying you love her serious? Really, somehow i find it hard to believe you.. Of course if things work out with her and your happy for the rest of your life with her go for it, but think about the pro's and con's about what you will lose and gain.

[europo27]

There is no need for finance from her part or my Husband.

[notanexpert1]

if you truly believe she feels the same for you as you do fo her, leave your husband may be the best way for you to be happy, but just think of it in the long term.

[surfergirl73]

You need to be true to yourself. I myself was in the same situation. Email me if you want to talk in private. My email is: email removed

Take care,

Allie