Recently engaged, split up three weeks later in public

[giraffe95]

My ex broke up with me yesterday. She invited me to breakfast at the local pub, when I arrived (and after we ordered) she broke the news.

 

We had been together just over two years after meeting online. On the 10th December this year I proposed to her, after we had previously discussed the idea of marriage and future countless times. When I proposed she said yes. Fast forward to yesterday, and she broke up with me.

 

The reason she said was that she “loved me as a friend”. She said she felt like this for a few weeks, and I had noticed behavioural changes at the time (before the proposal), which I asked her about. Each time she said there was nothing wrong, and she said all was good between us.

 

I asked why she said yes to my proposal, and she said she thought it was just a phase that would pass.

 

The fact she broke up with me and handed back the ring in public really upset me after I’d taken into consideration her desires for a private proposal.

 

She had been speaking to another guy at her work who works in another location in a nearby town. She got to know him, and mentioned him more, around the time I noticed these behavioural changes. She also went to the cinema with him behind my back. This was to see a film she had said no to me for as it “would be too busy on release weekend”.

 

I obviously respected her wishes and left the pub without waiting for the breakfast to arrive. But I can’t help feeling there was more to this story than I am being told. What are everyone’s thoughts? As a side note I’ve gone No Contact and have blocked her on social media, but not her number.

[giraffe95]

I should also add I asked about this guy at work to which she said he was “just a friend”.

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, giraffe95 said:

I should also add I asked about this guy at work to which she said he was “just a friend”.

Sorry this happened. In the long run it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

It seems she's been cheating and who needs a cheater? What do your friends and family think of her?

Now you are free to pursue decent, honest women who deserves your love and loyalty.

[giraffe95]

30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems she's been cheating and who needs a cheater? What do your friends and family think of her?

Thanks for the reply. My family really liked her before this but everyone was surprised to hear what happened, especially that she’d said yes to my proposal only 17 days earlier. Admittedly she didn’t seem to show much excitement at the time.

[SooSad33]

I agree with Wiseman, be glad that you have learned all of this now... not later.

You felt well enough with her after 2 years, to buy her an engagement ring?

Sadly, now, she has changed and admits she see's you as more a friend- then walk away, totally.

Nothing you can do to try & convince her otherwise.  

Don't beg & don't chase.  Never helps anything. 😕 

 

 

[giraffe95]

3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I agree with Wiseman, be glad that you have learned all of this now... not later.

You felt well enough with her after 2 years, to buy her an engagement ring?

Sadly, now, she has changed and admits she see's you as more a friend- then walk away, totally.

Nothing you can do to try & convince her otherwise.  

Don't beg & don't chase.  Never helps anything. 😕 

 

 

Thanks for the reply. Yes although it was two years we both agreed it was a natural next step and we were both feeling ready before this.

I’ve already walked away and blocked her on social media and am going “No Contact” with no intentions of begging or chasing.

[lostandhurt]

I say this a lot on here but I will repeat it for you.

The number one line cheaters use is: "We are just friends"

Your ex and this guy will keep it on the down low for a few months and then they will publicly be a  couple so it doesn't look like she was cheating on you and dumped you for this guy. 

I know this hurts and the normal reaction is to want answers to what happened just like I did but in the end I came to realize all the answers in the world wouldn't change  the fact that she cheated and it was over.  That is what you need to accept, that it is over no matter the why just that she is out of your life.

  See if you can sell the ring back to the store and start healing.  Being betrayed is a hard pill to swallow but in time you will see she did you a favor.  Just imagine if you had married her and then she pulled this crap. 

Lost

[giraffe95]

Thanks all for the replies so far. I should say I posted this thread as I wondered if anyone else spotted a pattern between the guy from work and the breakup. The ring has been returned to store, and I accept that the relationship is now over, and I’m now proceeding with focusing on myself in the aftermath.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, giraffe95 said:

My ex broke up with me yesterday. She invited me to breakfast at the local pub, when I arrived (and after we ordered) she broke the news.

 

Ha, classic "they will not make a scene in a public" break up. You rarely see that anymore, they usually just use a phone now. 

I dunno, from that story about "the friend" to that break up, she sounds very manipulative. OK, she didnt feel it. But that is not the reason to go behind your back. Or even carry on to the point of engagement until she explored and found somebody else. 

Look at it this way: it could have been worse. You could have created marriage and family with somebody like that. Like this, well at least now you know how she is. Also, "poking holes" will not give you anything good in terms of getting it over. Whether she is already with that guy, plans to be or something else, that shouldnt concern you. It will only bring you more pain. I know its rough, but you need to consider her "dead" for you. That means no contact, no asking around for her, no nothing. That will be the way of getting it over and moving on. Take care.