The urge to contact ex after a dream

[sadgirl_april]

Do dreams say anything about your heart's desire? I just had a dream about ex. ...I was on yahoo IM, kept it on and started doing other things. He, on the other end of IM, after a few minutes sent me a message asking if I was still angry at him. I didn't see it and continued with my things near the desk area. When I finished and came back to the computer, I saw that he continued to explain his feelings in lenthy sentences. I suddenly realized he had real feelings for me! I sent him a message saying of course me not angry any more. He came. I was so happy to see him. I gave him a hug and he started hugging me. I realized I didn't wash my hair and started to worry if he would find out. ..... Some phone call woke me up this morning and interrupted my dream. The dirty hair is real life, everything else is dreaming.

I feel so weak. I want to contact him and see him. But what good is that? He never loved me. I will never want to date him if my brain is in total charge. Why did my heart do silly things?

[annie24]

Dreams are just remnants of your thoughts during the day. I wouldn't contact your ex so soon after the breakup. I also have dreams about exes sometimes. Actually - I had one a few days ago, so I sent my ex a short e-mail. (we broke up 6 months ago though....) What is it you'd like to say to your ex?

[chai714]

Dreams can be very powerful - especially since they at times, seem so real. If you aren't emotional and can handle contacting your ex, then it's fine. If the breakup is somewhat fresh and you still have strong feelings for him though, it's probably best just to write your thoughts down in a journal or tell someone else about your dreams. Good luck.

[bittersweetly healed]

wow sadgrl, i keep having these dreams of getting back together too! theyre haunting me to death considering i know i could never get back with him because he was just so immature and incredibly mean. i keep waking up like DAMMIT !! lol...not dammit b/ t wasnt really, but dammit b/c everytime im ok again, these dreams come. and you wonder- do they ever have dreams that haunt them like we do?

[Dakota6560]

I too had a dream a little while ago and it was about my ex who didn't hurt me once but twice! This is a whole other story and I wish it was a good one but we will save that for when everyone has time to read a novel but I just hate that feeling when you realize that all it was was just a dream. I did read Annie's reply how she had a dream about her ex. Without so many details I was curious on what possesed you to write him and if he responded the way you hoped. I hope I am not intruding to much but just curious what happenend when you contacted an ex after a dream

[heartshout]

i think its normal to have dreams of your ex at this point in time ... i do have dreams of HER ... and lately i have nightmares of THEM ... i find myself waking up at 3am in the morning and really find it hard to go back to sleep ...

 

i dont know about contacting your ex ... i would second the advice on writing it down in a journal or share to your friend(s) about it ... i dont know what the result might be if you contact your ex ...

[annie24]

I too had a dream a little while ago and it was about my ex who didn't hurt me once but twice! This is a whole other story and I wish it was a good one but we will save that for when everyone has time to read a novel but I just hate that feeling when you realize that all it was was just a dream. I did read Annie's reply how she had a dream about her ex. Without so many details I was curious on what possesed you to write him and if he responded the way you hoped. I hope I am not intruding to much but just curious what happenend when you contacted an ex after a dream

 

Well - he just graduated, and I heard from a mutual friend that he will be moving out of the country in a few weeks, so I wanted to wish him well. I know that he's out of town right now. I e-mailed yesterday, but I haven't gotten a reply yet.

[Dakota6560]

Hi annie, I apologize but it is in my nature to ask a lot of questions so bear with me. I just wanted to ask if you still miss your ex and what type of reply did you hope for. Was this more for closure for you? As for sadgirl your heart didn't do silly things. It was tricked by someone who propably at first gave you the impression he was a sweet and caring person who only wanted to be with you. You can't fault your heart for that. It is just doing it's job and it is up to your brain to know when this is true love or if it is fake and will begin to give you second thoughts like you are having now. Be strong and keep yourself occupied. Like Chai714 said it is propbaly best to write them down or talk to someone. Then again this forum definitely helps me.

[annie24]

hmmm.... I dunno - it's a bit complicated. We broke up, on not the greatest terms. Have had strict NC from that day on. But, he lived one block away from me, so I'd run into him all the time. But, I'd only say hi, or I'd avoid him. I'm over him, but still felt a little "twing of bitterness" after the breakup, if you know what I mean.

 

I just contacted him because even though we haven't been on the best terms, at one point, I really cared for him, and now that I heard he is moving out of the country - I wanted to just wish him well. I dunno if I'm really expecting a response. Graduating and moving are such big events - it just felt right to wish him good luck and congratulations.

[sadgirl_april]

Well, he mentioned early in the week he wanted to dye part of his grey hair, he asked me to help me choose the color. I agreed. Later his email was getting shorter and shorter. On Friday his email had only two sentences. Should I bring up this topic and asked him if he still wants help? Or does it sound too much like an excuse to see him? It is long weekend here, I miss him. I keep checking my ex on Yahoo IM . Just nothing erases my memory with him.

[annie24]

No - don't call him or e-mail him. Let him go to a hairstylist to get his hair dyed. You have better things to do than to dye your ex bf's hair.

[Dakota6560]

I think sad girl that maybe it would be best if you didn't keep in contact with him on a regular basis. You mention how it is hard to get his memory out of your head and it will continue to be as long as you continue to contact him. I am not saying cold turkey but a slow weening process were you email him less and less. How can you forget somebody you continue to be in contact with.

[sadgirl_april]

So should I wait for him to bring up this topic and ask for help again? I always keep my words, a promise is a promise. Just not sure if it is my turn to offer help, or his turn to ask for help again.

 

His online dating profile was not active for 9 days (which kept me a bit happy) until today in the day. I should not let it bother me, mine is active every day (not that I enjoy it).

 

Will he feel I let him down if I do not mention it ?

[Dakota6560]

You are not letting him down. I applaud you on trying to keep your promise but he was the one who intiated this. Remember he asked you so he should come forth and remind you if you can help him. Right now it seems he is giving you an empty promise. He is asking on one day to help him with his hair and on another day he is not even bringing up the subject. If he does bring it up again then take it from there but if he doesn't maybe you shouldn't either.

[annie24]

Stop checking his profile!

[sadgirl_april]

You are right. I should not check his online profile. What he does with dating is not my business any more. I was curious how soon he would move on. He should have no trouble doing it because he only liked me.

 

Then I guess it is OK not to offer help with hair dye color until he asks for it again. Thanks Dakota6560. I wish I can hug somebody and cry all day.

 

I went on a date a few hours ago. The date went well. I will probably meet this guy again. I don't feel strong chemistry yet. He gave me a kiss on the cheek (our second date). I didn't feel anything. Will this change later?

 

I remember the second date with my ex, he gave me a kiss on the lips and I was really happy. I am not sure if he will block my chemistry with all other guys.

[annie24]

Just focus on the new guys. Good luck!

[heloladies21]

Yeah that happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember the specifics but i do remember as soon as i woke up i had this feeling of expecting my ex to come back to me and being all disappointed that she hasn't yet. It was weird as hell cause I knew it was over as soon as we broke up and we'll never date each other again (probably never even see each other again). It was just a screwed up morning and things went back to normal pretty quickly as soon as I reminded myself of what happened.

[bittersweetly healed]

awww sadgirl, i need hugs too

[Dakota6560]

Well sadgirl april, I am glad to hear you went out on a date. At least you are putting yourself out there. First off, did you have fun on the date? As for the chemistry that is entirely up to you if you allow to or not. But hopefully you will go on another date with this guy and maybe figure out what things you like in a guy. I need to go on dates myself eventhough I feel like you and propably wouldn't give them much of an opportunity. I do commend you for at least taking that step. As for the hug, if I could I would give you a hug and let you cry it out. I could propably use it myself. I guess we could both benefit from it. I guess this is me giving you a virtual hug and letting you know that I am hear for you. Try not to get to down on yourself. This forum actually helps me out a lot.

[broken soul]

ive had that happen to me so many times i can't even count. I know how u feel and i do have to say it suckz, i mean really suckz. But it is true that your dreams reflect your thoughts, and sadly to say they obviously do not reflect reality, but what we sometimes want to be our reality. All i can say to you is just give it time. Time heals many wounds.

[sadgirl_april]

First off, did you have fun on the date?

 

Yes, I had fun on the date. We talked on and on, that was unusual for me. This new guy is easy to get along. I don't know if the chemistry will come in the future. I guess I will continue to meet him and figure it out.

 

I was watching a DVD on the sofa this afternoon. My ex called to chat -- first phone call since we broke up. He was feeling bored these days without me. Now I realized why he kept dating me for over a year without being in love with me. He was afraid of feeling lonely. He didn't go to work out after we broke up. I didn't go often either. We agreed to go together like we used to. Two lazy people motivating each other to exercise, I guess. I know it does not sound right, but I agreed already. I will just treat him as a workout buddy.

 

Maybe I should sleep with somebody (not the new guy or the ex) to get over the chemistry I have with ex. What do you think?

 

Hugs to Dakota6560 and bittersweetly.

[Dakota6560]

Well april (I don't want to say the sad girl part becasue I don't want that to be projected onto you), I don't know how you felt after you talked to your ex. I do know that I too use to work out with my ex and I was actually okay with it. She would get lazy as well but once I found out she was seeing someone it hurt and hurt bad. She wanted to continue to be friends but I felt that the only way to get over her was to cut of contact. This has been very, very difficult but I believe I have to let her live her on life and see if this new guy is what she wants. I can't believe I just said that but I must be honest. I don't really know the level of love you have for this person but right now with you hurting this might not be the best thing. Then again I felt a little better after I saw her so that might be the case for you. As for sleeping with someone. Hmmm, It has pros and cons. Pros is it might get you out of the old boyfriend rut. Cons is it might leave you a bit more empty in the comfort level. I don't know, I just hope you are old enough and use protection I hope this put a little smile on your face. Heck if you can smile just a little bit a day it well bring that much closer to your happy place (the place where you don't hurt anymore and can be ready for another great romance). Oh yeah and a big hug right back at you.

[bittersweetly healed]

yea april, i agree with dakota. as long as ur ready to deal with all that comes along with this, i say go for it. you are in a position that most people would love to be in with their ex, but maybe they'd never admit it. i like ur attitude about this you seem layed back enough to the point where "hey- watever happens, happens." best of luck to you, i hope you really do reach that place where you arent hurting anymore.

back lol

-bittersweetly (ashli)

[Dragonfly81]

I had a really nice dream about my ex last night, where we decided to be friends and everything was great. When I woke up I came SO close to emailing him and trying to start a friendship. I decided that the best thing to do was to wait it out, wait until the dream faded, and then look at the situation. Then I came online and read all the posts on this subject and decided against it.

 

Dreams can be so powerful, but they are not reality. I'm glad I waited until the dream wore off.