Am I getting myself mixed up and set up for hurt?

[waitingandwondering]

Been seeing someone about 3 months. He's been divorced 2 years after a 34 year marriage. He tells me he’s on good term with his ex.
For thanksgiving weekend I asked him his plans and he tells me he’s having dinner with his ex and their 2 grown children because he wouldn’t be with his kids otherwise.

I then learn from him that his ex regrets her decision to divorce and I say well you know sometimes divorced ppl remarry to see his reaction. He says their therapist told them their problems were too pervasive.

He had a girlfriend during his divorce for 6 months but told me it wasn’t anything serious as opposed to our relationship (his words, not mine indicating our relationship is serious, whatever that means).

He then tells me he's invited to an old friend's son wedding out of state and he and his ex are invited with their son since they all keep in touch but he feels bad he can't invite me b/c the old friend told him he has to keep the number of guests down.  That's great...he's going out of state with his ex for a fun filled weekend at a wedding in New Orleans in March???? I told him I wasn't interested in being a 3 person relationship and won't be involved w/ him if that's the case.  He hasn't even introduced me to his adults kids but has told his family and friends about me otherwise.  I told him I will not be the secret girlfriend if this continues into December.  His repose:  He made plans for us to go away a few days at a B&B in about 10 days (before Thanksgiving) and if that goes well, he will make arrangements for me to meet his kids.  Apparently, he never introduced the other GF to his kids so I'd be the first.

Bottom line…I don’t want to invest in someone who isn’t ready and interested in building a relationship.

I know he cares for me but he may still be caught up with his ex emotionally. I’m a widow so I don’t know how it works with divorced folks but I’ve dated many divorced guys and never particularly felt this way.

Should I be concerned especially about him spending the holiday with his ex and kids and what about the out of state wedding? He has the choice not to go if the ex is or perhaps going with me but I'd be elsewhere the evening of the wedding but he never offered.

I don’t want to be hurt and waste any time. 

[Wiseman2]

Cut your losses. Don't be  filler for someone who's too messed up. While spending a holiday with grown kids at an ex's house is not shocking, the rest of his attitude is too weird.

[DancingFool]

Put it simply, I think you are wasting your time with him.

His kids are grown adults. Meaning that he can see them any time he wants to. He is not constrained by any type of child custody issues. On that note, he also has no reason at all to maintain a relationship with his ex for the sake of his kids. His kids are grown and on their own - he can have a direct relationship with them as he chooses. However, he is acting like him and his ex are still a couple such as going to a wedding together while not inviting you.

Your instincts and observations are spot on - there are three of you in this relationship and on that note, I'd think the wise choice for you would be to step out of that triangle today.

I also think it's very sketchy that he had a gf before he was even divorced. He may well be the kind of a man who likes attention from multiple women. Like triangulating you with his ex wife and so on.

Basically, listen to your instincts that this is not kosher and dump him.

 

[HeartGoesOn]

Multiple accounts are not allowed...Closed.