Lying about Porn, now she’s hitting me for it. Unsure what to do

[SherrySher]

He needs counselling and help for his obvious immature ways and idea that he needs to lie, instead of facing things like a man.

And she needs to be charged, so she understands the seriousness of laying hands on someone else.

She also needs counselling and anger management, asap!

[Nfllover99]

30 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

You gotta be kidding me! That statement wouldn't hold up in court at all.

"Oh, I am sorry I shot this man, your honor, but he really upset me, therefore it's justifiable".

Ummm, no.

You always have a choice to leave the situation before something bad like that happens.

She had a choice to leave him. If he continued to be awful to her, then again, she should have packed up and left, but using her hands is assault to which she should be criminally charged for, and I hope she is.

Again, I never said it was justifiable or okay, just asking for a little self reflection as well. If she wasn’t abusive and he did this in another relationship, he would constantly be “losing the love of his life” also looked at some of his past posts and it looks like a previous gf saw him as not prioritizing her at all. It looks like that’s the same thing this girl feels every time he dismisses what she asks him to respect and puts the porn and lying first. I’m not defending this woman, she is not on this post or reading this so he knows what’s okay and what’s not. I’m simply offering him some insight on himself, so that he can learn from his own mistakes as well

because this man has also shown very manipulative  and emotionally abusive behavior

[Seraphim]

Sure she isn’t . 

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Nfllover99 said:

it looks like he drove her there and she lost control

Nope. 

Just so much nope. 

That excuse is not acceptable. Thank goodness we have to come to reject that irresponsible notion when the man is the assailant. Now we need to start holding violent women accountable too. 

 

[SherrySher]

2 hours ago, Nfllover99 said:

Again, I never said it was justifiable or okay, just asking for a little self reflection as well. If she wasn’t abusive and he did this in another relationship, he would constantly be “losing the love of his life” also looked at some of his past posts and it looks like a previous gf saw him as not prioritizing her at all. It looks like that’s the same thing this girl feels every time he dismisses what she asks him to respect and puts the porn and lying first. I’m not defending this woman, she is not on this post or reading this so he knows what’s okay and what’s not. I’m simply offering him some insight on himself, so that he can learn from his own mistakes as well

because this man has also shown very manipulative  and emotionally abusive behavior

You are taking a very deep interest in this particular post and this particular man.

That leads me to believe you are the woman in question.

I'm sorry, but you can't throw yourself into victim mode and place all the blame on him.

Is he a good boyfriend? I think from everything everyone has advised towards him, it would be a resounding, no.

He is immature, lacks standards, has low morals (to some degree), and doesn't understand that lying is never the answer. 

He should have told her right from word one, that he loves porn, and that won't ever change.

Then at least he would be fair to her, and fair to himself.

But he was a coward, and I think we can all agree on that.

However, this woman needs to take accountability for her actions too.

If a man treats her badly, she needs to get some reality, realize that this is who he is, stop justifying, stop ignoring it, stop giving chance after chance, and stop going back to him...all for the sake of some kind of toxic love, that is more fantasy, then real.

There were many signs as to who he was/is before it got as bad as it did.

She should have packed her things, told him she refuses to deal anymore, refuses to lower herself any further for a man who does not have to same standards, or outlooks as she does...and leave!!

There are only so many times he can behave badly, and she stays, where it then becomes her own fault.

 I still stand by what I said previously, he needs counselling on how to behave in a relationship and how to stop the toxic behavior (lying), hiding, manipulating.

She needs to get counselling for her anger issues and to learn that you never, ever have a right to ever touch another human being in anger....ever.

But NOT TOGETHER. These two people absolutely do not belong together at all!

[SherrySher]

 

"It looks like he drove her there and she lost control".

You better change your tune, and quick!! If you can't handle your temper when it comes to a man, and know when to walk away, you will become someone who better not ever have children and use this same, lame excuse.

I mean it.

No one drove her to hit, she drove herself there because she has a very bad temper and can't keep her hands to herself.

He drove her to be angry, broken hearted, upset, hurt.(That's when she should have walked away, and left for good!).

Her anger and temper drove her to take it to the next level and start hitting.

LEARN THE DIFFERENCE.

 

[gamon]

3 hours ago, Nfllover99 said:

I’m not defending this woman, she is not on this post or reading this

How do you know she's not on this post and not reading it? The only way you would know that is if you were her and if you were her then you would be on this post and reading it.

Now I have a headache.

[MissCanuck]

5 minutes ago, gamon said:

How do you know she's not on this post and not reading it? The only way you would know that is if you were her

Yeah, exactly. Outed herself right there. 

They make it so easy sometimes. 

[Messyandstressy]

On 10/17/2021 at 10:05 PM, RobTaylor10 said:

My gf and I have been in a relationship for 10 months. I’m at the point where I’ve thought about marriage even buying a ring, however I find myself questioning things more and more.

A lot of things stem from my issues I brought into the relationship. In the beginning, my gf told me she didn’t watch me to ever watch ***** and gave me the option to exit the relationship if it was to be a problem. I said it wouldn’t, however I did keep watching *****. I have a very hyper active sex drive and mind. I like watching ***** because it’s enjoyable and gives the feeling of something different, even though my gf and I have sex frequently and I do love her. It’s just the fact that I want to enjoy sex in whatever way although I would never physically cheat on her.

When she caught me watching it the first time, I lied to her saying I would stop. This happened again 2 more times to the point where she installed monitoring apps on my phone and computer. Those still weren’t enough as I found ways around them to still watch *****. I don’t watch it everyday maybe once a week but still can’t seem to want to stop. She’s caught me two more times since. Every time this has happened I’ve lied and denied but the truth always comes out

Every time she catches me, she packs up all her things and leaves and says we’re done although we always end up talking and making up. However, recently, it’s gotten to the point where she is constantly so hurt at the thought that I lied to her about it and that I had the audacity to look at other women on ***** sites, she becomes triggered emotionally very easily. Last couple of fights she has started to get so upset and has lost control, destroying gifts I’ve given her, tearing up our pictures and hitting me. It started with strong slaps to the arm but has resulted in her pushing me aggressively and slapping me hard in the head. And yes I’m bigger than her but it still hurts a lot.

She blames it on me emotionally cheating and lying which she claims is emotional abuse. Every time though we still make up however the arguments still persist and we both seem to get annoyed with each other more and more.

My heart says to stay but my gut tells me this is the end. So torn on what to do

Oh no, absolutely not. Listen, should you be lying? No. Should you care about how she feels? Yes you should. But should she hit you for it??? Noooooo. If porn is a dealbreaker in your relationship then you need to move on. . Find you a girl that will watch it with you! I don’t think porn is unhealthy but if it’s causing you THIS MUCH disfuncfion.. if you’re literally addicted to it then you may have to seek some help! 

[Nfllover99]

On 10/20/2021 at 5:08 PM, gamon said:

How do you know she's not on this post and not reading it? The only way you would know that is if you were her and if you were her then you would be on this post and reading it.

Now I have a headache.

You guys think too much. My point in saying that is that this post is for the OP. Not the gf. He is the one that is gonna take away from whatever we say. So I’m focusing more on helping him self reflect rather than focusing on bashing the girl. Who yes is also wrong but I don’t feel like wasting my time pointing that out because he already knows it, especially with everything everyone else has posted, so I’d rather point out what he may not realize about himself in order to maybe strike some self reflection for his future relationships.

[Nfllover99]

On 10/20/2021 at 5:14 PM, MissCanuck said:

Yeah, exactly. Outed herself right there. 

They make it so easy sometimes. 

I’ll refer you to the post on the bottom. You guys are making me laugh

[Nfllover99]

On 10/20/2021 at 4:27 PM, SherrySher said:

 

"It looks like he drove her there and she lost control".

You better change your tune, and quick!! If you can't handle your temper when it comes to a man, and know when to walk away, you will become someone who better not ever have children and use this same, lame excuse.

I mean it.

No one drove her to hit, she drove herself there because she has a very bad temper and can't keep her hands to herself.

He drove her to be angry, broken hearted, upset, hurt.(That's when she should have walked away, and left for good!).

Her anger and temper drove her to take it to the next level and start hitting.

LEARN THE DIFFERENCE.

 

Never said I disagree with you. I just don’t see the point in analyzing the gf when the OP is the one asking for advice. 

[Nfllover99]

On 10/20/2021 at 4:23 PM, SherrySher said:

You are taking a very deep interest in this particular post and this particular man.

That leads me to believe you are the woman in question.

I'm sorry, but you can't throw yourself into victim mode and place all the blame on him.

Is he a good boyfriend? I think from everything everyone has advised towards him, it would be a resounding, no.

He is immature, lacks standards, has low morals (to some degree), and doesn't understand that lying is never the answer. 

He should have told her right from word one, that he loves porn, and that won't ever change.

Then at least he would be fair to her, and fair to himself.

But he was a coward, and I think we can all agree on that.

However, this woman needs to take accountability for her actions too.

If a man treats her badly, she needs to get some reality, realize that this is who he is, stop justifying, stop ignoring it, stop giving chance after chance, and stop going back to him...all for the sake of some kind of toxic love, that is more fantasy, then real.

There were many signs as to who he was/is before it got as bad as it did.

She should have packed her things, told him she refuses to deal anymore, refuses to lower herself any further for a man who does not have to same standards, or outlooks as she does...and leave!!

There are only so many times he can behave badly, and she stays, where it then becomes her own fault.

 I still stand by what I said previously, he needs counselling on how to behave in a relationship and how to stop the toxic behavior (lying), hiding, manipulating.

She needs to get counselling for her anger issues and to learn that you never, ever have a right to ever touch another human being in anger....ever.

But NOT TOGETHER. These two people absolutely do not belong together at all!

I agree with you, as I’ve told the other thst have gotten bent over what I said, is tht I’m not here to counsel the gf…this post and these comments left here are meant for the bf.. and so I feel we should focus on helping him see his error more so than hers. She will figure out her own issues.

[Seraphim]

We are letting him know he doesn’t deserve physical abuse . Some men think it is ok if women hit them. My brother was physically abused by his beast of a wife. It is NOT OK. And men need to know that . So you are not making me laugh. 

[Nfllover99]

Just now, Seraphim said:

We are letting him know he doesn’t deserve physical abuse . Some men think it is ok if women hit them. My brother was physically abused by his beast of a wife. It is NOT OK. And men need to know that . So you are not making me laugh. 

Wasnt trying to be funny so glad I’m not making you laugh. I’m glad you guys are letting him know what he doesn’t deserve. Kudos. Now let’s focus on what he can do to have a more successful relationship next time… be truthful, grow up, and learn respect. 

[Seraphim]

Just now, Nfllover99 said:

Wasnt trying to be funny so glad I’m not making you laugh. I’m glad you guys are letting him know what he doesn’t deserve. Kudos. Now let’s focus on what he can do to have a more successful relationship next time… be truthful, grow up, and learn respect. 

We have said that as well. I think he learned that don’t you? 

[Seraphim]

He needs a woman who also enjoys porn and won’t smack him around. 

[Nfllover99]

Just now, Nfllover99 said:

Wasnt trying to be funny so glad I’m not making you laugh. I’m glad you guys are letting him know what he doesn’t deserve. Kudos. Now let’s focus on what he can do to have a more successful relationship next time… be truthful, grow up, and learn respect. My mother has been divorced 2x.. both times because the men did not respect her. My step dad used to always watch porn in other rooms while my mom laid in bed crying every night wondering why she was not enough. He would lie to her about getting home late, manipúlate her, check out other women in public, and cheat on her. This man says he would never physically cheat on her, but he is already showing he is okay with hurting her feelings and disrespecting her boundaries, who is to say he won’t take it a step further and instead of porn maybe resort to prostitutes, etc. These are all things my mother went through. And yes i wanted to beat this man so bad for messing up my mother emotionally. This post hits home for me as well. I don’t think he deserves to be hit, I think we’ve all made that clear, but he also shouldn’t treat women like that especially if he says he loves them and is thinking about buying a ring. 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Nfllover99 said:

6 minutes ago, Nfllover99 said:

Wasnt trying to be funny so glad I’m not making you laugh. I’m glad you guys are letting him know what he doesn’t deserve. Kudos. Now let’s focus on what he can do to have a more successful relationship next time… be truthful, grow up, and learn respect. My mother has been divorced 2x.. both times because the men did not respect her. My step dad used to always watch porn in other rooms while my mom laid in bed crying every night wondering why she was not enough. He would lie to her about getting home late, manipúlate her, check out other women in public, and cheat on her. This man says he would never physically cheat on her, but he is already showing he is okay with hurting her feelings and disrespecting her boundaries, who is to say he won’t take it a step further and instead of porn maybe resort to prostitutes, etc. These are all things my mother went through. And yes i wanted to beat this man so bad for messing up my mother emotionally. This post hits home for me as well. I don’t think he deserves to be hit, I think we’ve all made that clear, but he also shouldn’t treat women like that especially if he says he loves them and is thinking about buying a ring. 

Well,  my mom was cheated on and beaten by my dad and I was sexually abused and beaten and had my knee dislocated and my head repeatedly slammed into the floor so I don’t like abusers , ok with you?

[Nfllover99]

Just now, Seraphim said:

Well,  my mom was cheated on and beaten by my dad and I was sexually abused and beaten and had my knee dislocated and my head repeatedly slammed into the floor so I don’t like abusers , ok with you?

I didn’t know we were having a war on who is more relatable. No one is saying you have to like abusers, I never said I did either