Messyandstressy

I do have a primary care. And I have been put on meds. But you’re right I did come off of it. I was on if for the full 6 weeks trial period and it messed me up so bad I fell asleep merging into the highway. Kind of traumatized me. I recently moved in with my stepmom who recently left my dad because I was having relationship issues.. and I also work from home, so I don’t get out a lot. But that’s mostly because every time I leave I have massive anxiety and I can’t do it

My dad is a malignant narcissist.. I’ve self harmed since the 6th grade (I’m 22 now) and back then my counselor called my dad and stepmom (mom is a meth addict) and he yelled and grit his teeth at me and told me I make him look bad. I have a long history of abuse and it led to a lot of my anxiety. Sometimes I feel myself dissociating when I get stressed and then I get manic and start absolutely panicking and the only thing that calms me down is slitting my wrist. I would kill myself in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for my much younger siblings that need me to be strong for them. I feel alone, I don’t have anyone who understands that pain I feel. My therapist stopped accepting insurance and he charges a lot of money. It sucks I don’t have my dad to turn to because he makes everything about him.. everything is everyone else’s fault. He can never do any wrong, and nothing that has anything to do with me is important unless it serves him. I want to talk to my mom she sounds clean now. But i don’t know if I can forgive her after everything I went through with her. I wish I didn’t feel guilty for my siblings because man I do not want to be on this earth anymore

Idk I wish I could explain it.. I feel like he’s who I’m supposed to be with. It’s been so long that I just tell myself this is how it’s supposed to be

The other guy knows it’s disfunctional and that I could totally go back just out of comfort. But he is so ready and willing to marry me and move on if I have him the chance.. he’s super invested in my family already (from before) and he cares a lot about my younger siblings. It’s tough.

I know ugh. That’s why I’ve been very strict with the whole “we’re not back together” thing. Because truth is idk what to do! I don’t have that comfort level with the other guy.. it feels like the right thing to do to go back.. he has this way of reeling me back in but I KNOW I’m not nearly as happy.

Oh no, absolutely not. Listen, should you be lying? No. Should you care about how she feels? Yes you should. But should she hit you for it??? Noooooo. If porn is a dealbreaker in your relationship then you need to move on. . Find you a girl that will watch it with you! I don’t think porn is unhealthy but if it’s causing you THIS MUCH disfuncfion.. if you’re literally addicted to it then you may have to seek some help!

I also want to point out that my boyfriend can be very compassionate but I always have to beg him to be.. The other day I told him how sad it was that I can’t even put my ring back on and he said well put it on then.. I want romance I want affection. I get cuddles I get hugs and kisses but it’s just not emotionally connected.. it can’t be. I know I let myself slip but it was only after being beaten down so many times. Just don’t know what to do.

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We got engaged two years ago but called it off after finding out he was sexting women online. I’ve forgiven all of the times he has cheated on me (stupid I know) and I can’t get past the comfort I feel from him. A year ago I started working for my dad again and I reconnected with this guy I haven’t seen in 3 years who I had blocked because my bf wasn’t comfortable. I let myself slip and now I’m having to choose.. I’ve been clear with both sides how I feel and that I need to be my own person for now but I’m still technically seeing both of them. Im tired of pleading for my boyfriend to care about my feelings and I’m tired of crying all the time. This other guy has done more to show he cares about me than my boyfriend of 5 years. Also keep in mind sex with this other guy is 100000 times better, never experienced anything better in my life. My boyfriend often gets there very quick and I’m left not taken care of every single time. I can’t get past the comfort thing.. and I don’t have the strength to walk away what do I do?!?!