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Lying about Porn, now she’s hitting me for it. Unsure what to do


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My gf and I have been in a relationship for 10 months. I’m at the point where I’ve thought about marriage even buying a ring, however I find myself questioning things more and more.

A lot of things stem from my issues I brought into the relationship. In the beginning, my gf told me she didn’t watch me to ever watch ***** and gave me the option to exit the relationship if it was to be a problem. I said it wouldn’t, however I did keep watching *****. I have a very hyper active sex drive and mind. I like watching ***** because it’s enjoyable and gives the feeling of something different, even though my gf and I have sex frequently and I do love her. It’s just the fact that I want to enjoy sex in whatever way although I would never physically cheat on her.

When she caught me watching it the first time, I lied to her saying I would stop. This happened again 2 more times to the point where she installed monitoring apps on my phone and computer. Those still weren’t enough as I found ways around them to still watch *****. I don’t watch it everyday maybe once a week but still can’t seem to want to stop. She’s caught me two more times since. Every time this has happened I’ve lied and denied but the truth always comes out

Every time she catches me, she packs up all her things and leaves and says we’re done although we always end up talking and making up. However, recently, it’s gotten to the point where she is constantly so hurt at the thought that I lied to her about it and that I had the audacity to look at other women on ***** sites, she becomes triggered emotionally very easily. Last couple of fights she has started to get so upset and has lost control, destroying gifts I’ve given her, tearing up our pictures and hitting me. It started with strong slaps to the arm but has resulted in her pushing me aggressively and slapping me hard in the head. And yes I’m bigger than her but it still hurts a lot.

She blames it on me emotionally cheating and lying which she claims is emotional abuse. Every time though we still make up however the arguments still persist and we both seem to get annoyed with each other more and more.

My heart says to stay but my gut tells me this is the end. So torn on what to do

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She told you what her boundary was from the start, giving you the option to leave if it wasn't something you could agree to. Her mistake has been in failing to uphold that boundary by continuing the relationship after you lied time and time again. 

She absolutely should not have been physically abusive, but you have repeatedly broken her trust, so enough is enough - time to end things. You will be free to find someone who's happy with your porn use and she can find someone who's more honest/more attuned to her morals. 

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This relationship is done and over . You have an addiction and she is abusive. Please leave. All of this is NOT love. Hitting and breaking things is not love. Lying is not love. End this right now before someone get seriously hurt. 

Edited by Seraphim
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There are women out there that understands the use of porn/masturbation/the need for variety/private time and really could care less about it. Dump your GF and find someone more compatible. Next time be honest about it, and work through a compromise. Lying doesn't make problems go away so cut it out.

Edited by smackie9
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9 hours ago, RobTaylor10 said:

 It started with strong slaps to the arm but has resulted in her pushing me aggressively and slapping me hard in the head.

Immediately delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps. Report this assault to the police. Get a restraining order against her.

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It started with a lie, then betrayal and now she is so hurt and frustrated she has turned to physical abuse.

  It is time to end the relationship.  Look what you two have become from being together.  You are a liar and betrayed her trust numerous times and she is abusive.  You two are like oil and water, you can shake it up really well and it looks okay for a bit but it always goes back to its normal state.

  The damage is done, next time be honest from the start so there is no wasted time and broken hearts.

You should probably figure out why you think being dishonest is acceptable as well.

 Lost

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10 hours ago, RobTaylor10 said:

She blames it on me emotionally cheating and lying which she claims is emotional abuse. Every time though we still make up however the arguments still persist and we both seem to get annoyed with each other more and more.

- You are not cheating but find the need to lie because of her reactions & behaviour.

- She has become violent towards you- after she installed some apps?

It has been 10 months.. let that be enough! ( why you'd want to marry this, or even stick around, I have no idea) 😕

Toxic is the word.

Save yourself, and get away from someone like this... It's control & abuse.

 

 

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Thanks for the replies. Its so hard. When her and I don't argue or go through this makeup period, it feels like heaven. Back to all the loving texts, the cuddling, the intimacy. Its blinding almost and makes it so hard to think about the possibility of letting go. I hate that I have to be monitored and I do want to change my ways, but the thought of that is overtaking and becoming a point to where she forbid be to do it and took away all options im in the mindset of wanting it even more now that i cant have it

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18 minutes ago, RobTaylor10 said:

When her and I don't argue or go through this makeup period, it feels like heaven. Back to all the loving texts, the cuddling, the intimacy. Its blinding almost and makes it so hard to think about the possibility of letting go.

This is very typical of the difficult cycle of abuse, and why many victims of domestic violence stay. 

19 minutes ago, RobTaylor10 said:

im in the mindset of wanting it even more now that i cant have it

You need to find a woman who does not mind porn. This one is not her. 

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It shouldnt be that important to me and its not a dealbreaker to me in the fact like if i cant watch it i dont want to be with her. I do want to stop to avoid long term affects but that mindset of wanting what you cant have is starting to creep in

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10 minutes ago, RobTaylor10 said:

It shouldnt be that important to me and its not a dealbreaker to me in the fact like if i cant watch it i dont want to be with her. I do want to stop to avoid long term affects but that mindset of wanting what you cant have is starting to creep in

It's obviously important because you kept watching it and lying to her about it.

If you stay together do you plan to continue watching and lying to her about it?

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its also gotten to the point of even when i use my laptop she can see i logged on and she asks me what i was doing on it. but she basically told me that those parental custodial apps are the only way she can start to trust that i wont go behind her back. 

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I dont want to keep watching it or lying to her about it which is why I told her i was ok with her putting the apps on my devices because i saw it as an opportunity to stop since i wouldnt have access to it. But i hate what it makes me feel like. Like im constantly under watch. im constantly thinking is that worth it

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The way I'm seeing it is that you , OP, broke the initial trust in the relationship and kept on doing it. She escalated it with the Apps and surveillance. Then she decided to top it off rather than leave, she would become physically abusive.

This is textbook domestic violence, and if you don't get out now things will escalate. I think she chose porn as an easy way to get to this level of abuse as it's addictive and easy for her to justify her violence with others.

You need to get out, maybe get some help for your porn habits.

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1 minute ago, RobTaylor10 said:

She also claims she’s never hit any of her exes before. She says I provoked her to be this way. Yet now of course it’s all love and kisses

Next she'll tell you she's never hit an ex with a car. Or swung at them with a pointy object.

You need to ask yourself, where will she draw the abuse line? Realistic answer, nowhere.

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I'm just going to address only the lying, others have made it clear what to do about your incredibly violent and dysfunctional relationship.

Don't do it man. With her or anyone else.

It's cowardly, deceptive, trust and relationship destroying and just plain wrong.

Either don't do whatever it is you're lying about, or stand your ground and say "This is what I do and I'm going to keep right on doing it" and let them make their own choice as to whether or not they'll stick around.

 

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3 hours ago, RobTaylor10 said:

I dont want to keep watching it or lying to her about it which is why I told her i was ok with her putting the apps on my devices because i saw it as an opportunity to stop since i wouldnt have access to it. But i hate what it makes me feel like. Like im constantly under watch. im constantly thinking is that worth it

Of course not. 

Whose house/apartment is this? It's only ten months. Cut your losses and end the relationship. 

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1 hour ago, RobTaylor10 said:

She also claims she’s never hit any of her exes before. She says I provoked her to be this way. Yet now of course it’s all love and kisses

No YOU did NOT provoke violence. THAT is on her. That is a typical abuser move, blaming the victim. I am sick to DEATH of women who think that they can be abusive just because they are a woman. Please walk out or make her leave if it’s your home. 

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