TW: Suicide

[CrazyWife]

TW: Suicide

Three days ago a friend's partner took her own life. We found out that my friend went to her house and found her there. She had hanged herself. I  understand people do this when they see no way out and are mainly severely depressed. Plus, i am aware that marital problens can also contribute. She did have severe depression at times. 

But i can't help but feel angry at times with her. When i first heard the news that she had passed I was shocked and of course concerned on what happened and if her children were alright. 

But when i heard it was suicide I started crying and had to leave where i was and go home. I met her a few times but we weren't close but i think just knowing someone was so distressed that they felt they had to do that just breaks my heart. 

But as i said i feel angry sometimes when i know i should be more understanding. I hate the fact that she done that knowing she would be found by my friend. I hate how she has put them through this and as a mother myself, I hate the fact that she left her children. I look at my children and say that i would never do that but at the same time i'm not severely depressed so understand that i wouldn't be thinking that they are better off without me.

I am feeling a rollercoaster of emotions and feel guilty for feeling bad things about her. Plus, I think i find it so overwhelming even though we weren't incredibly close due to the circumstances. If she had been terminally ill and in pain, I would take comfort in the fact that she was no longer in pain and suffering. 

Are these feelings normal?

[SherrySher]

You're not wrong to feel the things you do. It's a very emotional thing, suicide. 

Death in and of itself has stages of grief, and suicide is no different, apart from it can leave a person feeling confused, and all sorts of conflicting emotions due to it being such a specific kind of death.

It's okay to feel all of the things you feel.

It is absolutely heart breaking and tragic.

I think one of the things to understand here as well, depression (especially in it's most severe form), can convince someone of the worst possible things. It goes along with the mental illness.

You believe that you're not worthy, or that you are better off gone, or that others don't need you, etc.

It's why depression can be so devastating. It really does convince the person in their own mind of all of these terrible things.

So please, as upsetting as this is, try to keep in mind that she wasn't a bad person, she was someone suffering a great deal from a mental illness that was telling her the worst things possible.

If you're religious or spiritual, pray that her soul is in a better place, that her children and loved ones will be okay and that healing will eventually happen for everyone involved.

Take time to process your grief (it doesn't matter if you only met her a few times), grief has no rules.

If you feel upset by it, that's perfectly normal.

Process, go through the emotions, and be gentle on yourself.

It's a very sensitive time for all, and I am so sorry she went through what she did, as well as you and everyone who knew and loved her.

May her soul have found peace.

[waffle]

1 hour ago, CrazyWife said:

Are these feelings normal?

Normal, and valid.

I have too close of a personal experience with this to give a fully objective opinion, because people grieve in different ways and my way isn't everyone else's way, but being that it's still new it wouldn't be surprising to find your feelings change or at least level out as time passes. 

And if not, even though you were not close to this person, there are support groups out there that you may see if you can visit even for a session or two, if appropriate.

[HeartGoesOn]

 I can certainly relate to your pain, feelings, etc, as I lost a sibling when he chose to take his own life at the age of 17.

Unfortunately, and it makes no sense at the time, but you have to go through the stages of grief, and at times go back and forth through the stages in order to find acceptance.  There are no time lines nor rules while you're going through grief.  One day at a time, one minute at a time, and be kind to yourself. You'll get there, yet you'll never forget.

Take care...

 

[Batya33]

Yes, I echo what others have said.  Maybe at some point donate to a suicide hotline or volunteer (I have a feeling a lot of training is involved so that might not be practical for you to do right now).  My father was suicidal.  My mother saved him from himself a few times I think (I don't know if he actually attempted).  My father had a mental illness and spent many years as a doctor providing for his family even though he was also battling his illness.  I know he loved us so much and when he was going through one of his breakdowns or episodes or when he was angry I know he couldn't show it the way he would have liked. It was really hard on all of us but I knew, especially later on in my 30s, that he loved us (and if he'd committed suicide it wouldn't have been to abandon us, for sure).  

I'm so sorry for the loss.

[CrazyWife]

Thank you for the responses. I have spoke to the Samaritans for extra support and they have offered me a safe space to reload anything. They too stated that it was normal to feel this way and that it is all part of the grieving process.