Can’t tell if he is interested or not

[Ell222]

I wanna start off by saying I have bad anxiety so even me typing this may seem normal situation for you but for me it’s worrying . 
basically I’m female 30 he is male 40 I met him in another state . 
I live in Phoenix AZ he is in in San Diego . 
when we first met ( on tinder ) I was there but leaving but I was supposed to be there again a week later and that’s when we arranged to meet . 
During  that week he barely text me , like hardly ever but I didn’t mind because seeing him would be bonus but wasn’t why I was there .

We did meet and have a really good Time , after we left he said he wants to come see me ASAP and we started to chat more regularly nothing too crazy but more often than before .

Eventually I had time off work and i told him ill come see him Next and he can come see me after like he wanted to . 
He agreed and told me to just let him know the days and he will make himself free . 
A week later I gave him dates ( next weekend ) and he said that those dates would work for him .

I got the hotel and flights for the two days .
Then on Tuesday he said he will be very busy and that’s the last I heard of him properly . 
I got really anxious and I messaged himOn Thursday if everything is Ok and is he still Ok to Meet as if he can’t I have to think of back up plan , he just replied saying sorry he has crazy few days and asked me how i was , I replied and haven’t heard from Him again .

Like logically I can see he is older and busy and probably not into texting but I feel super anxious about the trip coming up , should I call him or message again asking to confirm it ? It wouldn’t bother me so much if this was local but I have to fly there and stuff so I feel like I need to be reassured and even know he never said when I asked he wants to cancel it im overthinking the whole situation so much that the scenarios I made up in my head are getting louder 

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, Ell222 said:

I live in Phoenix AZ he is in in San Diego . 
when we first met ( on tinder ) I was there but 

What was the nature of your visit there and how did it come about that you met him through tinder?

Was it just supposed to be a vacation hookup?

Is he married/living with someone?

It's unclear why you would pursue a distance situation with someone you met once, no less book flights and hotels.

Try to get a refund or do whatever you usually do if you visit that city frequently.

Try to get over this situation.

Instead, invest your time and energy into a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local single men.

Your anxiety will be reduced when you pursue reasonable viable situations and discontinue all-risk, no-gain long shots like this scenario.

[Ell222]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

Was it just supposed to be a vacation hookup?

Is he married/living with someone?

 

We never hooked up initially and no he isn’t married because I have him on my Facebook / Instagram . 
We initially met just to hang out but we got on well we decided to see each other again. I don’t know if we gonna be in relationship or what I’m just going with the flow . 
my worry isn’t what we gonna be but more like should I ring him or something to confirm the trip or what should I do as we both agreed to meet that weekend and I don’t wanna bail on him also because I felt anxious 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Ell222 said:

 I’m just going with the flow .  I felt anxious 

Well he told you he won't have time for you so clearly he's not that interested. Why bother paying all that money to visit some who's "too busy"?

He didn't even invite you. Save yourself a lot of trouble and date locally. 

He's Just Not That Into You.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Ell222 said:

should I call him or message again asking to confirm it ?

You better because you dont want to take your trip for nothing.

Also if you cant tell they are not interested, they are not interested. Especially when they become flacky about meet ups. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Ell222 said:

im overthinking the whole situation so much

I'm 40 as well and text my friends and family regularly, OP. His age has nothing to do with this. 

You're not overthinking. He's changed his mind about this and doesn't have the cojones to tell you not to come. I am sorry to say that you have likely wasted your money here. 

I personally would not bother going through with this trip. You barely know him and he's already fading out. 

[Batya33]

Nothing to do with an anixety issue and I am so sorry you have anxiety!  Everyone has time to confirm a plan - even when I dated for years with just landlines and no voicemail people who wanted to see me confirmed the plan and showed up.  Please cancel the trip because in the best possible scenario he's lukewarm about you coming and why bother??

[SooSad33]

8 hours ago, Ell222 said:

He agreed and told me to just let him know the days and he will make himself free . 
A week later I gave him dates ( next weekend ) and he said that those dates would work for him .

I got the hotel and flights for the two days .
Then on Tuesday he said he will be very busy and that’s the last I heard of him properly . 
I got really anxious and I messaged himOn Thursday if everything is Ok and is he still Ok to Meet as if he can’t I have to think of back up plan , he just replied saying sorry he has crazy few days and asked me how i was , I replied and haven’t heard from Him again

 

Okay, then end all of this now.

Do not over do yourself with someone like this.  Just walk away.

Say no more & expect no more.

And IF he someday reaches out to you again, don't over explain anything.  Except he wasn't showing any real interest, so you left it.

And move on.

[BeaTlesFan77]

Great to see another person from Phoenix here. 

[sadchick83]

Meeting people on Tinder is not the best way to form a lasting relationship.  Sure there are exceptions, but basically it is a catalogue of hook-ups.  I also don’t think you should deliver yourself to him, if he really likes you he should come to you.  To be fair, you didn’t spend a lot of time together, so it may be hard to form a foundation for something more serious. Also, him telling you he would really love to come see you might just be a way to get you to sleep with him.  Some guys have all of the lines to get the end goal.

Good you did not sleep with him.  I would try to date without anxiety and maybe a few casual relationships at the same time.  This way, if one falls apart, there is someone else you can date.  It’s the way many guys day anxiety-free. Put him on the back burner for now.