2nd Choice

[sadgirly22]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. This is the happiest I have been, but something consistently bothers me. The friend who set my boyfriend and I up told me (after we had been on 4-5 dates) that he had actually asked about a mutual friend of ours first, and only asked about me after finding out our mutual friend already had a boyfriend. This knowledge has haunted me in almost every aspect of our relationship. I feel so less than and undesirable, no matter what he says.  Do I tell him?  I know it's not his fault, so it feels wrong (and like a crazy girlfriend) to bring it up. Do I try to move on? If so, how? Thank you!!

[arjumand]

Who cares? Same thing happened with my parents and now they have been married for 67 years. Initial attraction and making the effort to be in a long-term relationship are two different things. If he weren’t interested in you, he would not have stuck around this long. 

[lostandhurt]

Why focus on the negative?

  Is he your first and only choice ever?  Did you ever crush on someone else?  Dated someone else?  Had sex with someone else?

The path we take often leads us to the right destination even though all the disappointment or hardships along the way suck they often steer us towards the good we have now.

He has chosen you and you have chosen him but your self esteem issues have caused you to constantly think you are not good enough for him.  Your low self esteem and your ego are running your life.   You are offended and hurt all at the same time he didn't ask about you first.

  Let me ask you this:  If your mutual friend hadn't told you this information what would be different?  Would he still be with you?  Would he still be dating you 9 months?  Would he still care about you?

You see knowing doesn't change the way he feels about you, it only changes how you feel about yourself.  You won, you got the guy.  Why isn't that enough for you?

From time to time a guy comes on this forum after finding out how many men his gf has slept with.  He loves her deeply and they have been together a fair amount of time but he can't get the number out of his head.  My question is always the same but it never gets an answer.  How many is to many? 5? 10? 20?  You see the past only haunts you if you allow it.  It matters little the content, it only matters that you keep that memory alive even as it hurts you and your relationship.

Why do you want to hurt yourself and the relationship?  Your ego likes the drama and your pride helps hold on tight.

  Learn about the ego and pride and don't discuss this with him, this is your issue not his.

 Lost

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, sadgirly22 said:

 Do I tell him?  I know it's not his fault, so it feels wrong 

Dating and relationships are not completions and popularity contestants.

Rethink catty nosy drama stirring friends.

You've been together 9 mos. Are you happy? Do you like him? Is it going the way you want?

Step far away from this mirror mirror on the wall game. That's about ego, not relationships or him.

[poorlittlefish]

After 9 months together, if he has any thoughts about his "first choice" at all, it's probably that he would have been with the wrong person and regretted not having asked you.