Virginity Pledge . . .good intention or unrealistic?

[Day_Walker]

What are your personal thoughts when young people, typically high school age, pledge to keep their virginity until marriage. In certain cases they are issued rings or bracelets as a visual representation of the promise they have pledged to keep.

 

I believe that people are free to make any decsion they like concerning their sexuality. If they choose to have premarital sex, or be a swinger, its all their choice but I am looking for comments on this issue.

 

I dont believe they are as effective as they might seem as stoping sexual activity, instead loopholes are found in order to get around keeping your virginity.

[RayKay]

I think that yes there seem to be many loopholes. Some (not all I know) of those that commit to this are more sexually active than I ever was at their ages with doing "everything but vaginal penetration" and with more partners I ever was involved with.

 

I have also seen a couple results of recent studies on those who make a pledge like this and those who don't. The greater part of those who make a pledge (something like 95%) end up breaking the pledge before marriage, and a greater percentage of them over those who never made pledges also ended up pregnant etc. Not sure why this was, maybe as they did not take care to take as many precautions when the opportunity arose.

 

For that 5% or whatever it was I suppose it was effective, but I think you would find in the population whom did not pledge that there would be a number who were still waiting until marriage without an official pledge. It was one they did within themself or their own personal choice.

 

While I have to admit I am not really a proponent of waiting until marriage, I think ultimately it is personal choice. If you choose to make a pledge or not, whether you break that pledge or not, or find loopholes it is all your own decision as to what you choose to do. I just would encourage that whatever path one chooses they make a decision based on themselves and knowing what either path offers, and not do it just because their friends are and so on. There are arguments for either side and against either side, so you need to choose what suits you best and a decision you can yourself live with.

 

Overall, I personally think that the "pledge" itself is unrealistic in that way. You can pledge to yourself, but I think often people take the pledge without thinking it through entirely and why they then end up breaking it so often, or finding loopholes. I am not saying some people cannot wait, of course they can and some do, but the "pledge" itself is unrealistic in the most cases.

 

If I can find a link to those studies (I saw them aired on a couple U.S. network "news magazine" like shows a couple months ago or so) I will repost it.

[chai714]

The problems with these pledges, is that often times young people are the targets of these campaigns. That is fine and all, but these young people forget about their pledges when their hormones "kick in." You also have young people who have different definitions of "virginity." I have heard that some don't consider anal sex to be losing their virginity, so they go around performing oral and having anal but still considering themselves to be virgins.

 

While these campaigns have good intentions, they are ineffective.

[Liquidius]

From what i've heard - the intentions behind there pledges are good, but people have different definitions of "losing their virginity". Some of these people are sexually active performing other things.

[SandyD]

Just my opinion...

 

Like it or not, sex is a part of human nature. To tell kids to tie their sexuality up in a box and store it away until marriage is weird. Yes, abstinence is the only fool-proof method against std´s and unwanted pregancies... but their whole idea of "saving yourself" for a future husband/wife is weird to me. My genitals are not a gift to give away... they are mine, I own them. It is my body.

 

Maybe they should direct their campaign on a more educational note, and do it more aggressively, instead of telling kids to just not have sex, to ignore their sexuality.

 

I think that as human being we must own our sexuality. We can choose to exercise it or not, but it must be ours to make that decision.

[Day_Walker]

The loopholes are what I have a problem with but then again its all how you define virginity, yes these students are keeping their pledge in some form. If you augment the language of the pledge then I wonder how many kids would actually want to participate. An enterprising young person can take this pledge and get in good with the group and get "pornstar sex" while still keeping the pledge that they kept. The study that I have seen showed that girls who take this pledge are 60% more likely to give oral sex and 50% more likely to participate in anal sex. Now that means that some young people are taking advantage of this virginity pledge situation.

[ayekasong]

I took one of these pledges at a church event back in junior high and once again in high school. Needless to say, I am not a virgin and I am not married. I did break the pledge, but I didn't go around finding loopholes to "retain" my virginity, I just flat out broke it.

 

The good part about the pledge is that it gets the idea out there that you can wait to have sex, and just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean you have to do it too. Because the special nature of sex had been brought to my attention, it did make me think a lot more before I decided to start engaging in sexual activity.

 

I like the idea of getting a message out there that you can wait and that your first time can be special (at least in my opinion), but I think that the idea of waiting until marriage can be carried too far in some of these campaigns. I was told by some people involved in these campaigns that you should abstain from having sex even within the bond of marriage because sex is only for procreation. I think that these campaigns can put too much negative emphasis on having sex and lead young people to believe that sex is wrong and dirty. This is actually a big problem within some religious groups. Now, I am not trying to slam religious groups (I am religious myself), nor am I trying to say that waiting until marriage is wrong, but I think portraying sex in such a negative light is unhealthy. It's okay to wait until marriage for sex, but going as far as to make sex seem dirty is wrong.

[ComputerGuy]

Well I always had an open view of sex growing up, and while I didnt believe in sex for the sake of sex and only saw it as something that should be done with someone you love, after my only relationship and how pear shaped that went, I am not going to have sex again before I'm married.

 

Im not in the slightest bit religious, far from it, but I want my next relationship to be built purely on love and trust for each other, not on sex.

[Riley]

I think absitnence education should be done with sex education. Many of the kids that pledge abstinence end up pregnant b/c they werent prepared to have sex and they werent taught about safe sex.

[shorty20]

Well, in highschool we had sex education, and we were always taught that abstinence is the best way to go. Having that said, my father gave me a "promise ring" when I was 14 and made me promise that I would save myself for marriage. This didn't work very well, as I lost my verginity to my bf of 2 years when I was 16. I think it's unrealistic to ask someone at that young of an age to make a promise like that. I never have and never will view sex as a recreational activity, but I also think that it's very hard to wait until you're married, expecially now. I think that you should just wait to find someone you love and someone you can share the experience of loosing your virginity too.. not necessarily wait until marriage.

[italianstalian]

Just my opinion...

 

Like it or not, sex is a part of human nature. To tell kids to tie their sexuality up in a box and store it away until marriage is weird. Yes, abstinence is the only fool-proof method against std´s and unwanted pregancies... but their whole idea of "saving yourself" for a future husband/wife is weird to me. My genitals are not a gift to give away... they are mine, I own them. It is my body.

 

Maybe they should direct their campaign on a more educational note, and do it more aggressively, instead of telling kids to just not have sex, to ignore their sexuality.

 

I think that as human being we must own our sexuality. We can choose to exercise it or not, but it must be ours to make that decision.

 

 

 

 

 

i aplaud u

[June4life]

I agree. A friend of mine has a promise ring from her father. She promised him that she wouldnt have sex before marriage. She doesnt have intercourse, however she has oral sex all the time. I think thats just a loophole around it. It then comes down to what one classifies as sex... and if oral sex is sex.

[italianstalian]

oral sex is sex

[ShySoul]

A pledge doesn't mean anything unless the person honestly intends to back it up. Big businesses find ways around contracts, or even willingly break them. Likewise, no pledge or bracelet is going to stop someone from having sex if they want to. Some will go out of there way to use loopholes, thus getting to have sex and still feeling good about themselves cause, hey, they kept the pledge. The most that anyone can do is educate the kids on what sex is really all about, explain to them the pros and cons, the consequences, etc. Then we have to hope the kid makes the right choice.

 

If the kid wants to make such a vow, I'm all for it. But it has to be a personal vow that he or she truly believes in, not some big pledge thats probably just as much for show.

[sunnihunni]

personally...i have alot of respect for someone who will save themselves for marrige because they want to and because it means something to them.

but as sandyD said...sex is a part of our human nature and i think that while we all shouldnt just go around having casual sex, premarital sex isnt necessarily wrong. its a personal choice and no one should be condemned for the choice they make, whatever it might be.

[asdf]

personally, although i've had sex (and i'm unmarried), i think the pledge is quite a noble aspiration, even if somewhat naive. i personally would prefer my wife, whoever she may be in the future to never have had sex. it may sound selfish, but it's a nice feeling (maybe it's a guy thing) to be the first, and also because i'm insecure i suppose. most of the girls i have slept with were virgins and even though they're not as experienced, it's still feels more safe if i really like them. if i don't like them that much, it doesn't really matter to me.

 

that's just my take on it. i know it's a bit selfish, but that's just how it is for me.

[sunnihunni]

to go along with what asdf said...

 

as a girl who's not a virgin...when i get married i think i would prefer if my husband was not a virgin (not that it would really matter) but ive already been through the clueless and awkward sex stage and while it was fine between me and my current boyfriend because we were both virgins and it has actually been fun figuring it out together and joking about it...i think when im married id like a guy who at least somewhat knows what he's doing.

[weatherbuff1]

Signing of a pledge isn't going to make someone less likely to have sex. It's the standards they have set for themslf that will ultimately decide if/when they chose to have sex. Signing a paper will not decide if someone does have sex.

[melrich]

I have never heard of this type of pledge before. maybe it is unique to the USA?

 

I am all for sex education and giving young people as much information as possible to enable them to make there own choices but asking them to pledge their virginity??

 

You can't mandate values and morals. You are not a "bad" person if you have sex before marriage.

[SPark]

I would agree that there needs to be more sex education, and not just about the mechanics...about emotions, too. Personally, I find the idea of someone being asked by their DAD to make a pledge a bit odd...seems rather intrusive to me.

 

People need to know that their bodies are their own, and educate themselves on their options, the consequences, both positive and negative, and as RayKay said, not do anything (whether pledge or sex) just because it`s trendy. Maybe sex education should be moved out of the health curriculum into a more appropriate field, whatever that might be. It just strikes me that emphasizing the physical only is counterproductive, especially if these pledge-takers are not even getting enough education to keep them from avoiding unwanted pregnancy. Hormones are hormones, but sex is involves hearts and minds as well as bodies.

 

I also agree that the basic issue is adults wanting kids to box up their sexuality and put it on a shelf...rather than taking the time to deal with the very real issues involved, at any age, with being sexual beings.