Broke up and feeling low

[Tinydance]

On 9/7/2021 at 2:40 AM, Batya33 said:

Agree with the others. Give yourself closure and please leave him be.  He is fine -this was a short term relationship and he probably saw the writing on the wall when you told him you'd had sex with someone else.  But he was enjoying hanging out with you and having his first "girlfriend" and playing house and planning to play house.  He's content with his video games etc and has been for years.  He's angry which is normal and upset which is normal but I think it will be short lived- but ignited if you pursue this kind of contact with him.

Thank you. Yes you are right. I won't contact him anymore. I think you are actually right to be honest that he probably just wanted to have "A girlfriend". He didn't seem to be making any effort to actually be interested in any of my interests or who I am really as a person. And making comments like: "I was just happy you exist and you should just be happy I exist". So probably I could have just been any woman, doesn't matter that he had zero in common but just as long as he could say he had a girlfriend. I did actually have very strong feelings for him which I know doesn't make sense but I guess feelings are involuntarily.

[Tinydance]

On 9/7/2021 at 4:38 AM, lostandhurt said:

I agree, leave him be.  No need to explain or try to soften the blow as it would just reopen the wound more.

You did him a favor breaking up sooner than later.  Could it have gone better? Of course but the deed is done and healing can begin.

  I think you knew pretty early on he wasn't the guy for you and you were not the woman for him but you got caught up in the idea, not the reality. 

  Taking care of yourself is your number one priority right now.

  Lost

Thank you. Yes you are right, I do need to take care of myself. I'm really falling into a depression and just lying in bed all the time or sleeping and don't leave the house. Which is also because we're in a very strict lockdown but I am still allowed to go for a walk, which I don't do. I need to push myself to get better and be grateful for what I have. Even though I don't have much at the moment.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you had stomach issues from drinking.  I think you knew this person was immature - or at least this was a pretty certain thing - from the get go and in the short time you knew him you were able to see how the immaturity presented in the context of interacting on dates.  I'm sorry things are so weird now and isolating -

I realized that even when I am not working it's hard to know   what to do because I don't make plans for example to see people because of covid or make plans to go to a movie or a play, etc.  It's just not normal.  And I still have a lot more housework and errands take longer because of covid, plus a huge bus driver shortage which makes it less optimal to have my son back in school in person.  I still now have the "break" when he is out of the house after 520 days home but the stress of not knowing how long we will be waiting for buses -or if there is a bus -is pretty taxing.  I'm not surprised you're feeling out of sorts in general!

[Tinydance]

14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm sorry you had stomach issues from drinking.  I think you knew this person was immature - or at least this was a pretty certain thing - from the get go and in the short time you knew him you were able to see how the immaturity presented in the context of interacting on dates.  I'm sorry things are so weird now and isolating -

I realized that even when I am not working it's hard to know   what to do because I don't make plans for example to see people because of covid or make plans to go to a movie or a play, etc.  It's just not normal.  And I still have a lot more housework and errands take longer because of covid, plus a huge bus driver shortage which makes it less optimal to have my son back in school in person.  I still now have the "break" when he is out of the house after 520 days home but the stress of not knowing how long we will be waiting for buses -or if there is a bus -is pretty taxing.  I'm not surprised you're feeling out of sorts in general!

Yes I'm very sick physically. The doctor said to me last year that I probably have gastritis and told me to follow a bland diet and gave some anti acid stomach medication. I had periods where I drank nothing at all for a couple or a few weeks and usually that was out of lockdown. I do have a job, lots of friends and hobbies for example like being on a pub trivia team and all sorts of other going out and socialising. The problem for me is lockdown has been not just lockdown itself but how much I absolutely thrive on socialising and being around people. Even e.g. I like arts and crafts and in the past did art at school and university and some art classes for fun too. But doing it on my own just seems kind of boring and I lose interest.

I've lived alone for eight years in my parents' investment property (I pay rent). At first I didn't like living alone but I always worked and went out with friends and family and wasn't really home much. So didn't care really and was never lonely. Since COVID I'd spent months literally alone 24/7 and not really have any "inside" hobbies. Before COVID I usually didn't even have any streaming services like Netflix because I didn't even watch them unless I went to a friend's place or they came over. Though I tried to enjoy watching TV, reading and writing, they're not my favourite things to do and especially not on my own. Of course we have to adapt to life, as we never know what might hit us. E.g. People that lived through wars.

It must have been very hard for your son to do home schooling and especially with you and your husband working too. Which country are you from if you don't mind me asking?

[boltnrun]

Drinking is affecting you in so many negative ways.

With all due respect, the program you're on doesn't seem to be very effective if you're still binge drinking to the point of causing intestinal distress. Would you consider trying something else?

And how strict is the lockdown? Can you meet up with a friend for a masked walk around town or at a park? 

[James Pohn]

Hi Tinydance.

You shouldn't feel bad about that whole thing. He clearly is immature because of his lack of experience in relationships. 

Honestly, i would even say that , like other said, he was just happy to have a first relationship. He doesn't know what it takes to make a relationship work. Not being an addict is normal..(nooo reaaally?🤦‍♂️) and doesn't justify why you should stay with somebody. And he went mental at the breakup because his first "trophy" went AWOL.

Speaks more about his lack of maturity at his age.

The fact you show here you cared about how he would feel, tells me enough to say you are a great person. 

Take care of yourself, you have time ahead of you to have children 🙂

[LaHermes]

10 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I am still allowed to go for a walk, which I don't do. I need to push myself to get better and be grateful for what I have. Even though I don't have much at the moment.

A long walk does wonders, Tiny. And I know wearing the mask is so uncomfortable. Thankfully here one does not have to wear the mask when going for a walk. Only if going into a premises etc.  Hopefully there is an open space near you where you can walk in peace.

I do remember that you are very keen to move out into a more rural setting. Hope you can, soon.

 

[Batya33]

We’re in the USA.  We didn’t homeschool- he had virtual learning - but we were also trying to telework in a small apartment.  I love living in a city in an apartment - no desire for a house - but who could have predicted this situation!  Now he’s back in person and we hope it lasts. I’m sorry about your stomach issues - it’s so hard sometimes to diagnose let alone know what to do. 

[DarkCh0c0]

@Tinydance how are you feeling?

[Tinydance]

On 9/8/2021 at 4:00 PM, James Pohn said:

Hi Tinydance.

You shouldn't feel bad about that whole thing. He clearly is immature because of his lack of experience in relationships. 

Honestly, i would even say that , like other said, he was just happy to have a first relationship. He doesn't know what it takes to make a relationship work. Not being an addict is normal..(nooo reaaally?🤦‍♂️) and doesn't justify why you should stay with somebody. And he went mental at the breakup because his first "trophy" went AWOL.

Speaks more about his lack of maturity at his age.

The fact you show here you cared about how he would feel, tells me enough to say you are a great person. 

Take care of yourself, you have time ahead of you to have children 🙂

Thank you so much for your kind words James 🙂