Breakup out of the blue after 6 months

[Lambert]

Hi James...

I read thru this thread and rode the roller coaster with you.  Geez. this woman... 

But then, there's also your part in breaking your own heart. 

Let's focus on you because that's the only part you can control or change. 

Dating women with kids is not bad, if you don't mind kids and understand that their needs come first.

The problem is dating women who are only separated. 

You are seeing for yourself in this situation (and maybe that other one) how hard it is to break free of the feelings of a relationship. Imagine that of a marriage. 

We only hear or know the version of the story they choose to tell us. It's usually steeped in spin that makes them look best. You have to look at what they say & do, as tell tale signs of their state. Highly emotionally in any direction- love, hate, anger, anxiety are signs they are still in it.

This woman is wrapped in emotional turmoil and basically abusing everyone.  That's why she is swinging back and forth to you then jerking away from you.  Other guys are seeing this turmoil and leaving her.

What does that tell you?

She swings back to you because she is a mess and can't be alone. She doesn't care for you, she just needs a warm body.

Stop allowing yourself to be used.  Focus on yourself. Work on yourself self esteem.

Recognize you say things like,  "I don't look back". but your actions prove differently.

When you don't look back you block, delete, & give no responses if they somehow get a hold of you. 

You have every right to feel how you feel.  You're very hurt and it does take time to heal. It takes practice and trying everyday to understand yourself and why you're doing the things you are. It takes time.

It's really hard to do this when you're continuing to be a part of the chaos this woman brings to your life. 

It's your choice.  The good things she offered and made you happy, are gone. Accept that or at least work in accepting is the way forward.

It like when the milk goes bad... when you brought it home from the store, it was great! cooking, baking, drinking, eating.  It had it all! It mixed well with chocolate and cereal was so good... but now it is spoiled and it only will make you sick.  

Do you keep drinking it? Testing it to see if it changed? 

 

[James Pohn]

2 hours ago, Lambert said:

Hi James...

I read thru this thread and rode the roller coaster with you.  Geez. this woman... 

But then, there's also your part in breaking your own heart. 

Let's focus on you because that's the only part you can control or change. 

Dating women with kids is not bad, if you don't mind kids and understand that their needs come first.

The problem is dating women who are only separated. 

You are seeing for yourself in this situation (and maybe that other one) how hard it is to break free of the feelings of a relationship. Imagine that of a marriage. 

We only hear or know the version of the story they choose to tell us. It's usually steeped in spin that makes them look best. You have to look at what they say & do, as tell tale signs of their state. Highly emotionally in any direction- love, hate, anger, anxiety are signs they are still in it.

This woman is wrapped in emotional turmoil and basically abusing everyone.  That's why she is swinging back and forth to you then jerking away from you.  Other guys are seeing this turmoil and leaving her.

What does that tell you?

She swings back to you because she is a mess and can't be alone. She doesn't care for you, she just needs a warm body.

Stop allowing yourself to be used.  Focus on yourself. Work on yourself self esteem.

Recognize you say things like,  "I don't look back". but your actions prove differently.

When you don't look back you block, delete, & give no responses if they somehow get a hold of you. 

You have every right to feel how you feel.  You're very hurt and it does take time to heal. It takes practice and trying everyday to understand yourself and why you're doing the things you are. It takes time.

It's really hard to do this when you're continuing to be a part of the chaos this woman brings to your life. 

It's your choice.  The good things she offered and made you happy, are gone. Accept that or at least work in accepting is the way forward.

It like when the milk goes bad... when you brought it home from the store, it was great! cooking, baking, drinking, eating.  It had it all! It mixed well with chocolate and cereal was so good... but now it is spoiled and it only will make you sick.  

Do you keep drinking it? Testing it to see if it changed? 

 

Hi thanks for your long and detailed answer.

Thats what I don't  know with that woman. It is always ambiguous, but when she explains it later it is clear. So sometimes I think I am becoming  crazy...but on the other hand its not by chance she does it.. All my friends tell me she does it on purpose, that she is somewhat toxic and even for sex i shouldn't agree. But I cannot believe it because I dont know why she would do that, what she would gain from that...

And that is exactly why I answered to her. I thought i could handle just sex, guess i was wrong. 

You are right about the chaos..nothing good is coming from here. And she blocks me, then unblock me (as i said i cannot block her if she does first) and talks to me...next time i need to stay strong and block back directly.

You think she sees I am "nice" and take advantage of that ?

Because Just so you know, she friendzoned all her ex /friend with benefits and they all accepted to become friends. She was  often talking to one of her ex "sexfriend" when i was with her, even seeing him ..i found it strange (remaining friend with somebody you slept two times with, it didn't make sense to me)

I am the only one to have said no. And she told me she was "shoked" by that. 

[Lambert]

2 hours ago, James Pohn said:

But I cannot believe it because I dont know why she would do that, what she would gain from that...

What did she gain? 

You! At her beck and call. Also some people do thrive on drama. They need it to keep their mind occupied with anything other than their own BS.

Until you stop justifying and trying to make her behavior make sense, you're going to remain in this loop. 

Honestly, instead of being so understanding, you should be angry that she's done all of this to you. 

It's all her choice. And apparently yours, too.

Ever hear the old saying:

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"

Anything more than once you're complicit. Some of it might be a little bit of immaturity to work on... the chase and the ego's need to be validated by getting her back. All a waste of time.

A lot to think about in sure.  I find interesting you still sound like there's some puzzle about her to solve. 

I think you know everything you need to about this one. 

[boltnrun]

Everything she's doing works like a charm because she's got you all kinds of interested. 

You don't want "just sex", you want her to be in a relationship with you. That much is obvious. I'm sure it's obvious to her too 

You can indeed block her. Just mark her number in your phone as a blocked number. You can also block her on social media. That is, if you want off the crazy train. If what she's doing intrigues you then by all means don't block her, but then it doesn't make sense to complain about her.

[James Pohn]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Everything she's doing works like a charm because she's got you all kinds of interested. 

You don't want "just sex", you want her to be in a relationship with you. That much is obvious. I'm sure it's obvious to her too 

You can indeed block her. Just mark her number in your phone as a blocked number. You can also block her on social media. That is, if you want off the crazy train. If what she's doing intrigues you then by all means don't block her, but then it doesn't make sense to complain about her.

No reallly i dont want her back. it was sex and i guess ego as Lambert said. Which is not good.

On instagram and Facebook, the first one to block doesn't appear anymore. you cannot block back and thats where she came back from

Next time if she does come back i have to block her back right away.

I was doing so great during 3 weeks..jeez i was weak !