Breakup out of the blue after 6 months

[James Pohn]

On 8/28/2021 at 10:12 AM, MissCanuck said:

Honestly?

It sounds like there's another guy on her radar but she wants to make sure you will be there on stand-by in case it doesn't pan out. I would put money on it, actually. 

Don't waste your time with women who blow hot and cold like this. It never leads anywhere good, and it will take time away from your healing and prevent you from eventually moving on and meeting a woman who is truly, consistently into you. This one just isn't. 

 

I feel so bad..you are so right. A friend saw her with a guy. That guy tried to be with her right before the vacations (when everything was good between us). At that time in the past,  She showed me the messages with him. She wrote him "im a in a couple, not interersted".

Now, she is with him. I am literally down. At the same time, she text me to make me false hopes.

It hurts. A lot

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry, James. 

It's time to block this woman. 

[James Pohn]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I'm sorry, James. 

It's time to block this woman. 

I want to send her how i feel. Do i have right to feel so angry and sad? How to overcome that.

[MissCanuck]

Just now, James Pohn said:

I want to send her how i feel. Do i have right to feel so angry and sad? How to overcome that.

You have the right to feel however you feel. There is no "right" or "wrong" when it comes to feelings. 

However, telling her about those feeling is rather pointless. It will keep you stuck on someone with whom there is no future. 

[LaHermes]

Your feelings are your own. And, no, do NOT contact her any further or tell her anything. 

You can and will deal with these feelings.  They won't last forever.

[James Pohn]

53 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Your feelings are your own. And, no, do NOT contact her any further or tell her anything. 

You can and will deal with these feelings.  They won't last forever.

Thanks you.

 

I am still so surprised. How can she be with him and still write to me at the same time. Its so not right 

[Kwothe28]

5 hours ago, James Pohn said:

Now, she is with him.

And suddenly, why she invented all those silly reasons to get out makes sense, doesnt it?

9 minutes ago, James Pohn said:

I am still so surprised. How can she be with him and still write to me at the same time. Its so not right 

Again, with people like her, you have no idea what to expect. One day you will be a perfect partner. The next she will have her doubts and broke up. Then she will remember that she had a good thing and contact. But next day somebody else will contact her so she will bail out from you. Unreliable...

Go "no contact" and dont look back. 

[James Pohn]

48 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

And suddenly, why she invented all those silly reasons to get out makes sense, doesnt it?

Again, with people like her, you have no idea what to expect. One day you will be a perfect partner. The next she will have her doubts and broke up. Then she will remember that she had a good thing and contact. But next day somebody else will contact her so she will bail out from you. Unreliable...

Go "no contact" and dont look back. 

Yes. What make me almost laugh is that , as I said , right before the vacation, when everything was good, she showed me that this guy was asking her out. She then put him in her place coldly. 

Now one week later, she is with him??   She seems to like the attention.  She cannot nearly block him one week before because he wanted to go with her, and suddenly ask him out ...

Is this really how a sane woman would be ?  

[Rose Mosse]

It's how a person who is not so interested would behave. That's your cue to move forwards - there's nothing left for you here. Brush yourself off and block her. 

You can take as much time as you need to heal or reflect on this but you dodged a bullet. Be thankful that you are now free to explore and meet other women eventually.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, James Pohn said:

How can she be with him and still write to me at the same time.

Because you won't delete and block her and you allowed friendzoning.

[Kwothe28]

51 minutes ago, James Pohn said:

Is this really how a sane woman would be ?  

Eh, who knows? Its not how somebody ready for stable relationship would act, doesnt mean she is not sane. Anyway, its not your job to find her reasoning, you just saw how she is and that should be enough. So use that knowledge and dont continue contact and move on.

[James Pohn]

37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Because you won't delete and block her and you allowed friendzoning.

I deleted her and blocked her as i said (already 4 days ago). Thats a friend who told me.

is friendzone not when a girl put an ex (or somebody) as as a friend? or do you mean also as an orbiter, in case her new relationship doesn't work? 

Because when she said "we could have tried again", its even worse than friendzone. Its like she wants both me and him at the same time...

thats why i felt bitter. Having sex once the breakup is over yes (even if its early), but that and false hoping your ex is kind of next level " lets see if the grass is greener there and if not, lets come back here")

 

And oh, so you just know: when i blocked her on whatsap and insta and all that stuff, i forgot to do for the normal phone. She texted me that "it was a lack of respect to have blocked her everywhere".

So even with that, she is not okay haha. Now she is also blocked on the "normal" number as well.

[Rose Mosse]

You can only leave her alone and focus on your own life. Eventually this will fade.

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, James Pohn said:

Is this really how a sane woman would be ? 

A selfish and uncommitted woman would be this way, yes. 

[boltnrun]

6 hours ago, James Pohn said:

Is this really how a sane woman would be ? 

Yeah, she's crazy like a fox (as the old saying goes). She's smart and wily enough to have TWO men pursuing her. She gets to pick which one she wants to play with today.

Take yourself out of the game by refusing to play.

[James Pohn]

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Yeah, she's crazy like a fox (as the old saying goes). She's smart and wily enough to have TWO men pursuing her. She gets to pick which one she wants to play with today.

Take yourself out of the game by refusing to play.

You are probably right. I will let her br with her "rebound". 

I always had empathy for my exes. Never in bad terms. But that one, no way. Even if she told me how bad her situation was, it is not my job to fix her anyway. I hope she'll find peace in the future however.

[LaHermes]

Could I suggest, OP, that you now stop giving her space inside your head! Stop asking futile questions. 

Each day is valuable. Don't waste any more time. 

 

[James Pohn]

Hi everyone!

I hope all of you are going fine !

For me it as been better ...until my ex  unblocked me and contacted me again .  As i had good time with a few girls, i thought, that after 2 month i would have been good and having "intercourse"  with her would have been possible..i guess i was wrong!

she texted me out of the blue,and long story short she came at my place one evening.

Already the day she should have come , she texted me strange stuff like "my sexy dress is now in washing, i put it to go out last week" (she knew i loved that dress). "but tonight i put something quiet its not a date". ..It was like  she was testing me.

Anyway i had a nice evening with her , she was close to me all the evening, wanting contact. But refused a kiss. She then told me it wouldnt be a good idea because "she left me and it was her wrong doing" 

I said i was just interested in sex , not getting back with her because i never take an ex back. She said she would think about that but now she doesnt want a guy in her life, her kids are her priority.

Saturday, on my way to Mexico for a vacation with some friends, i received a text from her :

" good vacation , lets meet when you comme back in two weeks if you are single 😉"

I was thrilled and send "good for me, see you"  but i dont know why...i smelt it wouldnt go right (why would she text me at the beginning of my vacation when i am at the other part of the world...).and it didnt...the next day, when i landed in mexico , she texted me " hey i am trying Tinder again, maybe i will meet somebody till you come back "

I was like..why does she  agree to  have sex like i proposed  and that she doesn't want somebody in her life..and now suddenly try a dating app...i simply answered " great, he can keep you busy when you dont see me ;)"

But again yesterday she sent me "hey i have a date on friday, when do you come back already?"

I was pissed of because i didnt see why she would say that again..I told her I would come back in two weeks and that I didnt care about that, that she is free ...and she bloked me everywhere again...

 

I felt bad today..i sent her a mail and she answer that she blocked me because  it was not a good idea to have sex with an ex, and that she felt "ready to have something serious again with somebody"...

 

but why block me in the first place..why not say it and then block me..its so rude and it doesn't make sense..also the timing..suddenly she wants to try something serious even if she said the contrary ....and at the same time she agreed to have sex again..

its ambiguous like always...its like she  bloked me to have a reaction from me..

 

i am thinking that either i am fool or she is fool with me and she wants to drive me crazy...really...nothing make sense...

 

thanks guys ! lesson learned i guess...

[Kwothe28]

27 minutes ago, James Pohn said:

lesson learned i guess...

"Lesson learned" my ass, if you trully did learn your lesson you would never deal with her inconsistent attitude ever again and told her from the start that you dont want anything to do with her now. Not even sex. 

The other guy dumped her ass so she wanted back. But didnt wanted to look "cheap" so made you sweat a bit. After you told her you want just sex she told you she doesnt want you back also. But then tried to make you jealous with Tinder thing to take her back. After you didnt bite, she blocked you. There. Well, either that or she just wanted some attention, who knows. Again, this could all be avoided by you not dealing with her ever again instead of allowing her back in your life.

[James Pohn]

24 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

"Lesson learned" my ass, if you trully did learn your lesson you would never deal with her inconsistent attitude ever again and told her from the start that you dont want anything to do with her now. Not even sex. 

The other guy dumped her ass so she wanted back. But didnt wanted to look "cheap" so made you sweat a bit. After you told her you want just sex she told you she doesnt want you back also. But then tried to make you jealous with Tinder thing to take her back. After you didnt bite, she blocked you. There. Well, either that or she just wanted some attention, who knows. Again, this could all be avoided by you not dealing with her ever again instead of allowing her back in your life.

Hi Kwothe28,

Well yes I thought I was going great after 2 months. I thought that having only sex would be okay. But even that seems  soooo  complicated with her.

I understand what you say. But I was clear that I never take an ex back, and that sex is the only thing I take. I also told her that friendship would never happen as I dont want it.

I honestly dont  see what she would gain of all that.. after just a 6 month relationship.. coming back, making hopes again  and stuff like that..she even told me that "we couldnt take back where  we stopped our relationship ", I said I totally agree. 

So I thought she was totally over as well..but I dont know...she remained ambiguous like always..even if she thinks/say she's not...i cannot believe after all that, that she just doesn't know how to communicate cleary, that she is just clumsy...

she really wants to play with my mind..but she has nothing to gain from it....i dont know ..its like she stay ambiguous on purpose...even if when she explains things it makes sense... it's like she wrote to me on purpose when i was going on vacation (like "hey lets have sex but too bad..you are 8000 miles away..too bad...i will make you jealous as well during your vacation" 🤣")

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, James Pohn said:

But I was clear that I never take an ex back, and that sex is the only thing I take. I also told her that friendship would never happen as I dont want it.

But your actions and emotional reaction to her suggest otherwise. 

She doesn't believe you would never take her back, because your boundaries with her are poor and you get easily upset by her. She's knows you aren't as detached as you like to think you are. 

It's best to stop selling yourself the narrative that all you want is sex here, because it's clear you cannot handle it - and that's understandable. She is an ex. There are strings attached whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. 

Forget her and don't have sex with women who blow hot and cold with you. Especially not exes. 

[Wiseman2]

If you had a real GF and deleted and blocked her long ago,none of this nonsense would be happening.

Get rid of attention seekers and time wasters like this.

Invest in finding a real GF of your own, don't buzz in the friendzone.

[James Pohn]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

But your actions and emotional reaction to her suggest otherwise. 

She doesn't believe you would never take her back, because your boundaries with her are poor and you get easily upset by her. She's knows you aren't as detached as you like to think you are. 

It's best to stop selling yourself the narrative that all you want is sex here, because it's clear you cannot handle it - and that's understandable. She is an ex. There are strings attached whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. 

Forget her and don't have sex with women who blow hot and cold with you. Especially not exes. 

I think you are right . I am mostly detached, but parts of me are still attached. Well it's just 2 1/2 months since the breakup. 

But i never wrote back. And honnestly the last 3 weeks i didnt think about her ..until she reached out.

Now its like i go back in the healing process a little bit. Its because all that hot and cold remind me of what she did at the breakup.. and because i though there was some respect between us. So making hopes and then blocking like that...its no respect at all.

Now i hope that she doesent reach out again. I cannot block her since she did it first. Haha

[James Pohn]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you had a real GF and deleted and blocked her long ago,none of this nonsense would be happening.

Get rid of attention seekers and time wasters like this.

Invest in finding a real GF of your own, don't buzz in the friendzone.

Yes. Again she blocked me on social  media first so i couldn't do it. Like she did now.

In two months since the breakup i didnt want a GF. I dont like to jump from relationship to relationship. better to heal no?

I dont understand the human nature i think. I never had a girl trying to come back again and again like that. And I always try to see the good in people. And she has no purpose in trying to keep me under the hook. ..

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, James Pohn said:

I never had a girl trying to come back again and again like that. 

It's not 'human nature", per se. She's just flakey and trying for the friendzone. Ignore her.  Reflect and be glad you dodged this bullet.