Breakup out of the blue after 6 months

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, James Pohn said:

Again, all her bizzare phrasing (it would have been great good to see how it goes, blabla) making me false hope and question what she wants.

Honestly?

It sounds like there's another guy on her radar but she wants to make sure you will be there on stand-by in case it doesn't pan out. I would put money on it, actually. 

Don't waste your time with women who blow hot and cold like this. It never leads anywhere good, and it will take time away from your healing and prevent you from eventually moving on and meeting a woman who is truly, consistently into you. This one just isn't. 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, James Pohn said:

 not divorced yet, nearly violent ex 

Run. 👟👟. What are you doing with a married woman who you claim has a violent husband?

You need to knock it off. You're flirting with disaster. Do you want this guy showing up at your place?

Stop and reflect why you are choosing these crazy women.

Repeatedly choosing unavailable women like this indicates that you are looking for drama.

[James Pohn]

35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Run. 👟👟. What are you doing with a married woman who you claim has a violent husband?

You need to knock it off. You're flirting with disaster. Do you want this guy showing up at your place?

Stop and reflect why you are choosing these crazy women.

Repeatedly choosing unavailable women like this indicates that you are looking for drama.

well the guy doesn't want to divorce because he doesn't wanna pay.

Not divorced but legally separated already.  She cannot wait so long to move on, if he doesn't want to divorce, i can agree that she wants to go on with her life as well. Hence i didnt see a problem with that.

She just told me that he is impulsive sometimes (so not violent per se) But he made is life again, has a new girlfriend. So thats why i was not worry about him. You see?

[MissCanuck]

How long have they been separated, OP? 

Please tell me that they no longer live together. 

[Wiseman2]

52 minutes ago, James Pohn said:

well the guy doesn't want to divorce because he doesn't wanna pay.

Unfortunately, this is the type of bull she tells you. Just stop entertaining her nonsense so you can move forward to sane single women.

[James Pohn]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

How long have they been separated, OP? 

Please tell me that they no longer live together. 

actually nearly one year.

He has his place, and a new girlfriend.

They are supposed to have the children one week each. But he even forgot the birthday of his child. So yes, he definitely seems unreliable and it takes her a lot of energy .

[MissCanuck]

57 minutes ago, James Pohn said:

actually nearly one year.

So they'd only been separated for 6 months when you and she started dating? 

[James Pohn]

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

So they'd only been separated for 6 months when you and she started dating? 

legally speaking yes. Now its of course the lawyer and all the legal stuff going on. And the fact he is "not a good father" (i quote)

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, James Pohn said:

legally speaking yes. Now its of course the lawyer and all the legal stuff going on. And the fact he is "not a good father" (i quote)

She needs to pay an attorney and therapist $250/hr. to listen to this drivel.

You seem to be avoiding sane single women for whatever reason. 

You keep going on and on and on about her issues, problems, etc. 

[LoveConquersAll]

On 8/27/2021 at 10:59 AM, James Pohn said:

Hi to all.

I was already on that forum one year ago, and first want to thank you all for the support you showed me. 

Fast forward, 6 months ago, i started a relationship again, with a girl of 31 years old (i am currently 29). The only thing that made me doubt first was that she had two children (4 years old) and was separated (legally, but waiting on the divorce to be pronounced) from her ex-husband. Bad divorce with an ex that was not great (apparently), who doesn't behave good when he has the two children (1 week out of 2). After a few months, i was ok with that. As she asked me after 3 month, if i woudl want to see them, i said that yes, just needed some  time to see if we were great together. She understood and agreed.

Appart from that, every thing was perfect between us. She seemed to now what she wanted, great chemistry, same values, we really hit together.

After 5 months, she told me that she loved me, and so did I. She told me how perfect I was, strong, carrying, and stuff like that.

We went on vacation for one week on the 6th month. Everything was great the evening before as always. But suddenly, the morning when i was driving (italy is amazing by the way!), she became silent and cold for the whole trip. The first evening of our holiday, she began to provoque me, saying strange (and sometimes mean) things:

- she said that my family name was not great and she wouldnt see her having it in the future. I was pissed and let her know. She apologized

- she told me she suddenly began to see my flaws. When I asked what, she told me that , for e.g, i was walking in a strange way sometimes. 

- that she had fear i wouldnt love her children, as i do not have children myself and i probably am not a child-guy.

I was confused and a little bit shocked. Its like if she did everything to find me some problems that were not existing.

She calmed down, apologized, said that she missed her children...and had to find me some flaws because i am perfect and she fears to be to strongly attracted to me if it doesnt work out...

The whole week was a roller coaster between her being nice as usual and unbearable as previously described. Not great!

When we came back, again, she said that i was perfect, i answered to all her doubts and that she loved me a lot and thanked me..only for, two days after, not texting anymore and finally telling me that she had a lot of doubts. She wanted to breakup. She also said that she had "emotional blockages" because of her ex, that appeared again. 

at the breakup, i told her that i  didnt want to be friends with her, that if she changed her mind, let me know. I am like that: i dont look back. She said it was difficult, she kissed me on the lips, and all that stuff.

Two days after, she again, texted me, stating she thought about me. I proposed to see her, she said yes, was very nice and then she cancelled it..she doesn't seem to know what she wants. But still want contact...

Should i give up on that "bull***"? she seemed very great for 6 months, but now, seeing how everything went south in a matter of days, she seems unstable to know what she wants. If she contacts me ever again, (as she did on multiple times), i don't know..i love her and would be pleased to rekindle, but at the same time, i would fear that she breaks up again. As i did nothing wrong per se, she just dumped me because of some strange reasons..i would fear it again

What do you guys think?

Nice day to all of you!

 

Hi there!

Based on the bolded (and subsequent chat), could you please explain how any of this is 'out of the blue'? Thank you! 🙂

[LaHermes]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She needs to pay an attorney and therapist $250/hr. to listen to this drivel.

You seem to be avoiding sane single women for whatever reason. 

 

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop and reflect why you are choosing these crazy women.

Repeatedly choosing unavailable women like this indicates that you are looking for drama.

I heartily endorse what Wiseman is saying.  Why are you drawn to crazy drama-rama stuff?!

[James Pohn]

58 minutes ago, LoveConquersAll said:

Hi there!

Based on the bolded (and subsequent chat), could you please explain how any of this is 'out of the blue'? Thank you! 🙂

Hi 🙂

I may have used the wrong word. I meant of "sudden character". Sorry if my english is bad .

Sudden as it appeared in a matter of days.

[James Pohn]

51 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

 

I heartily endorse what Wiseman is saying.  Why are you drawn to crazy drama-rama stuff?!

Well during nearly 6 months everything was perfect. How would i have seen coming ? everything was sudden  during the holidays. I dont know. I mean, that time i didnt see any red flags really. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, James Pohn said:

legally speaking yes. Now its of course the lawyer and all the legal stuff going on. And the fact he is "not a good father" (i quote)

6 months is not very long after getting out of a marriage, OP. 

[LaHermes]

On 8/27/2021 at 10:59 AM, James Pohn said:

she seemed very great for 6 months,

That's the operative word there OP. You need to get good at seeing behind the "seems".  Some people are good at putting on a front for as long as they can, or as long as it suits them. But the character behind that "seems mask" eventually bursts forth and you get the real person then.

[James Pohn]

58 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

That's the operative word there OP. You need to get good at seeing behind the "seems".  Some people are good at putting on a front for as long as they can, or as long as it suits them. But the character behind that "seems mask" eventually bursts forth and you get the real person then.

Maybe I shouldn't  have got involved  with somebody that had children. Thats the thing i am taking from all that. 

I blocked her to prevent her from contacting me. Hard but neccessary

[LaHermes]

15 minutes ago, James Pohn said:

Maybe I shouldn't  have got involved  with somebody that had children

Wholly beside the point OP. There are people who have children and they do not behave in this manner.

Just get better at reading people. 

[James Pohn]

It just that it is hard. Because the breakup is fresh, my brain of course is not clear and her contacting me is like a shot of drug , like false hopes.

Heck its also cruel to contact somebody if you dont want something. 

But it will get better 

thanks to all of you. I felt good sharing that with you guys.

[LaHermes]

You have no idea how lucky you are, OP, that she is gone.  The unstable make other people's lives a misery. 

As Wiseman says":

..you can move forward to sane single women".

 

[James Pohn]

I was just wondering how sometimes we forget the anger. Its not like she was abusive or so, but she made me feel bad, discarded me like that. 

I had to resist to write a text to her, stating how bad she made me feel.

But its wiser not to i guess. And just move on, being good. 

 

[slimKimmie]

On 8/27/2021 at 5:59 AM, James Pohn said:

Hi to all.

I was already on that forum one year ago, and first want to thank you all for the support you showed me. 

Fast forward, 6 months ago, i started a relationship again, with a girl of 31 years old (i am currently 29). The only thing that made me doubt first was that she had two children (4 years old) and was separated (legally, but waiting on the divorce to be pronounced) from her ex-husband. Bad divorce with an ex that was not great (apparently), who doesn't behave good when he has the two children (1 week out of 2). After a few months, i was ok with that. As she asked me after 3 month, if i woudl want to see them, i said that yes, just needed some  time to see if we were great together. She understood and agreed.

Appart from that, every thing was perfect between us. She seemed to now what she wanted, great chemistry, same values, we really hit together.

After 5 months, she told me that she loved me, and so did I. She told me how perfect I was, strong, carrying, and stuff like that.

We went on vacation for one week on the 6th month. Everything was great the evening before as always. But suddenly, the morning when i was driving (italy is amazing by the way!), she became silent and cold for the whole trip. The first evening of our holiday, she began to provoque me, saying strange (and sometimes mean) things:

- she said that my family name was not great and she wouldnt see her having it in the future. I was pissed and let her know. She apologized

- she told me she suddenly began to see my flaws. When I asked what, she told me that , for e.g, i was walking in a strange way sometimes. 

- that she had fear i wouldnt love her children, as i do not have children myself and i probably am not a child-guy.

I was confused and a little bit shocked. Its like if she did everything to find me some problems that were not existing.

She calmed down, apologized, said that she missed her children...and had to find me some flaws because i am perfect and she fears to be to strongly attracted to me if it doesnt work out...

The whole week was a roller coaster between her being nice as usual and unbearable as previously described. Not great!

When we came back, again, she said that i was perfect, i answered to all her doubts and that she loved me a lot and thanked me..only for, two days after, not texting anymore and finally telling me that she had a lot of doubts. She wanted to breakup. She also said that she had "emotional blockages" because of her ex, that appeared again. 

at the breakup, i told her that i  didnt want to be friends with her, that if she changed her mind, let me know. I am like that: i dont look back. She said it was difficult, she kissed me on the lips, and all that stuff.

Two days after, she again, texted me, stating she thought about me. I proposed to see her, she said yes, was very nice and then she cancelled it..she doesn't seem to know what she wants. But still want contact...

Should i give up on that "bull***"? she seemed very great for 6 months, but now, seeing how everything went south in a matter of days, she seems unstable to know what she wants. If she contacts me ever again, (as she did on multiple times), i don't know..i love her and would be pleased to rekindle, but at the same time, i would fear that she breaks up again. As i did nothing wrong per se, she just dumped me because of some strange reasons..i would fear it again

What do you guys think?

Nice day to all of you!

 

She might be like someone else said sabotaging this 

[catfeeder]

On 8/27/2021 at 5:59 AM, James Pohn said:

and was separated (legally, but waiting on the divorce to be pronounced) from her ex-husband.

This is someone who hasn't been on her own long enough to stabilize solo.

You walked into a mess waiting to show itself. And it did.

Even if this woman were to want to reconcile next week, you'd be waiting for the next shoe to drop for her to be out again. And she would be.

So what's the point in torturing yourself with her propeller blade?

She's not ready for a relationship, and all the wishing in the world won't change that.

Head high.

[James Pohn]

12 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

This is someone who hasn't been on her own long enough to stabilize solo.

You walked into a mess waiting to show itself. And it did.

Even if this woman were to want to reconcile next week, you'd be waiting for the next shoe to drop for her to be out again. And she would be.

So what's the point in torturing yourself with her propeller blade?

She's not ready for a relationship, and all the wishing in the world won't change that.

Head high.

Yes thats the conclusion i came to.

When she agreed to see me (before cancelling it) , i feared what would happen next. I would never be comfortable around her if she wanted to rekindle. I would fear the next breakup...because she dumped me with no fault on my side...

 

[James Pohn]

Hi guys.

I reflect here my thoughts of the weekend. Better here than unblock her and write to her 🙂

I feel angry, with a lot of questions running in my head. Why recontact me even if i made clear i didnt want to be friends ? Why accept to see me, make sexual allusions, use the old sweet name she gave me...and then cancel and not talk anymore.

And with all those thoughts, i find her pretty cruel, like she wanted to dig in the open wound again.

And i feel angry against her. But i won't unblock her or write her my angry thoughts. I feel like I have to keep that energy for me, to move on. 

I hope every one of you had a great weekend!

[boltnrun]

Sure, you could tell her how badly she hurt you. And then she can puff up her chest and her ego, congratulating herself on how hung up on her you are, then contact you again to make sure you're still pining away over her.

She won't care that you're hurt. She wants to be able to get attention from you whenever she wants it.

How is that fair to you?

Good job on blocking.  Her ego wouldn't have allowed you to pull away from her.